Restaurant bill query

[SallyGinnamon]

So we were sort of bamboozled into having a Spanish teen staying with us for a fortnight - niece of a friend of DH.

She's lovely and the same age as DD but for all of us it's hard going having someone in the house for more than a few days.

Anyway, we found out that the day that she was leaving was actually her birthday. Her DF said that he would fly in the night before, stay in an hotel then collect her at 10am on the Saturday.

For her final night we booked a meal in Pizza Express for the five of us (Me, DH,DD,DS and Spanish girl). Partly as a treat as it was almost her birthday.

That evening got a text from her DF that he was coming round to collect some luggage. I explained that we were taking Spanish girl out to eat as it was her birthday so he decided to come with us.

At the end of the meal the bill came and he just ignored it. Sat there silently looking straight ahead. So DH picked it up and paid. No thank you, nothing.

So AIBU to be a bit cross about this? We were expecting to take his daughter out, not him. He sort of invited himself. Plus I've fed and ferried about his DD for two weeks using my own food and petrol.

I was expecting him to offer to contribute something. Or at least say thank you.

DH thinks it might be a cultural thing. AIBU?

OP.. you have missed a cultural difference.

The girl's family have given you an expensive gist to show their gratitude (sell it).

You are being churlish and ignorant.

Calvin. It wasn't about the money, we would have said no. Contradictory I know! It was about the assumption.

Friday night was NOT her birthday, it was the night before, but she was leaving on Saturday, the morning of her actual birthday. His messages made it sound like he was arriving Friday night but not coming to see us until Saturday am (her birthday). We weren't expecting to see him Friday night.

FWIW I don't think she usually sees family on her birthday as she's normally at camp. I think it's like the Americans do as the holidays are so long.

If it wasn't about the money what is the point of your post? The assumption? For gods sake I think anyone would assume that when you said you were having a dinner for her last night that they were being invited rather than excluded.

I don't think he did anything wrong not offering to pay as you invited him out. It's kind of awkward if you pay for everyone except one. And it can't have been that expensive at Pizza Express?

Essex. I think churlish and ignorant is a bit harsh.

If he wasn't Spanish but gate crashed a meal then didn't offer to contribute when the bill came I don't think I'd be being unreasonable at all.

That's why I asked if this was cultural. Especially since I've looked after his (lovely) DD for a fortnight for free. Clearly it's different there.

We didn't invite him Xmas. He invited himself. It was a bit odd actually. He stayed in a hotel for three nights when they arrived and for another night when he collected her, but she still stayed with us.

How many pizzas do he eat to make you feel so crossed? And people saying that she should send him a bill - are you being serious?
Unless he ate a lot of the finest pizza and drunk expensive wine than you should be upset. Get over it

Spot on Euphemia! I need some backbone.

Did you use coupons, OP? If you paid full price in Pizza Express YWBU as no-one ever does that

here in the UK we are so tight with money (always struggling even to buy some food) so one extra mouth would make a huge impact on you OP? Next time just be clear that you cannot afford and I'm sure they would understand and offer to pay their part.

No coupons sadly. Could t find any for Friday night, only Sunday to Thursday!

Clearly I'm in the wrong here so that's fine. I was just surprised.

If someone looked after DD for a fortnight and then I found out they'd booked to take her out on her last night and I happened to be there I can't imagine not offering to pick up the bill as a thank you. But obviously I'd be wrong!

When my children have been hosted by other families or adults for work experience, cultural immersion or just holidays it wouldn't have occurred to us to offer to pay - any more than we would expect youngsters staying with us to pay. They just become part of the family for a few weeks. If flights are involved we generally discuss openly about who pays but transfers etc are down to host usually. I've collected many young people from various airports over the years and it wouldn't occur to me not to.
Should the father have offered to pay for part of the meal? It was only pizza express, so not really something I'd be bothered about. If we eat with other couples or families in a chain, we don't really worry too much as it generally works out over time. Clearly not in this case and as it was his daughter's birthday, he perhaps should have paid in full but could just be that you issued the invitation so the expectation was you paid.

For the record it may only be Pizza Express to some but we eat out about 3x a year if that. £150 is a big deal to us!

I suppose, unlike Crumbs, I didn't choose to host, it was somewhat foisted on me. But I accepted the situation and made her stay as fun and pleasant as I could. But it certainly wasn't 'when I host or when my DC are on cultural immersion' etc for us. This is out of the ordinary. My DC have the offer to go in return but wouldn't want to.

Just to say I hosted French students recently. You are paid expenses (eg £15 per student per night). After food, water bills, petrol, washing etc - you make pocket money not a living! It is a great experience.

This to me sounds like cultural differences. It is so interesting. She sounds a lovely girl - hopefully your DC all had a fab time hosting. I know my son loved it.

Do you think you will stay in touch?

I don't think it would have occurred to me to ask him to pay. Not in Pizza Express where no-one pays full price anyway.

no spaniard would ever have already eaten dinner at 8:30pm. we're nocturnal ;)

SallyGinnamon I think that he was extremely rude to invite himself and not at least offer. I would have wanted to pay the whole bill had you been hosting y child for two weeks.

No expenses paid childmaintenance as it wasn't a commercial thing. Niece of DH's friend.

She and DD got on well in the first week but it was a bit of a strain in the second week.

They wouldn't choose to keep in touch but as she's DH's friend's niece we may. We see the friend when we visit PIL in Spain.

£150 in Pizza Express-what did you eat???

Yes, the Spanish eat late, like 10pm is early.

The Lladro is collectible in this country. When I went to view my first house about 17 years ago the lady had Lladro. Even though Dhs had 3 offers at full price, she chose me, as I knew about Lladro 😂 Weird!

But, I'd look into that figurine value, possibly sell, or put away to gain value.

As did the df joining you, if we host guests we would never dream of asking them to pay. Wouldn't be bothered if they thanked us or not, but my parents are foreign 🤷🏼‍♀️

You're right it is about choice and being offered the option of not hosting. I think it's your husband who owes you big time! It's him I think needs to make it up to you.

@SallyGinnamon yanbu I would never go out anywhere invited or not and just expect to be paid for!!!! I understand tho that it's hard to bring it up if he isn't willing in the first place..... no advice sorry, just thought I'd stick up for you ☺️☺️☺️