Restaurant bill query

[SallyGinnamon]

So we were sort of bamboozled into having a Spanish teen staying with us for a fortnight - niece of a friend of DH.

She's lovely and the same age as DD but for all of us it's hard going having someone in the house for more than a few days.

Anyway, we found out that the day that she was leaving was actually her birthday. Her DF said that he would fly in the night before, stay in an hotel then collect her at 10am on the Saturday.

For her final night we booked a meal in Pizza Express for the five of us (Me, DH,DD,DS and Spanish girl). Partly as a treat as it was almost her birthday.

That evening got a text from her DF that he was coming round to collect some luggage. I explained that we were taking Spanish girl out to eat as it was her birthday so he decided to come with us.

At the end of the meal the bill came and he just ignored it. Sat there silently looking straight ahead. So DH picked it up and paid. No thank you, nothing.

So AIBU to be a bit cross about this? We were expecting to take his daughter out, not him. He sort of invited himself. Plus I've fed and ferried about his DD for two weeks using my own food and petrol.

I was expecting him to offer to contribute something. Or at least say thank you.

DH thinks it might be a cultural thing. AIBU?

Whenwillwe3meet. We shared doughballs, had a pizza each, a couple of salads, some desserts, coffees, wine and Sicilian still lemonade. And the tip. About £150 for 6.

Ok, Sally so they sent you a gift with the child at the outset. You didn't like the gift (which is fine - art is a matter of taste) BUT you do now know that they didn't just send their kid with any old tat, they've actually sent you something quite valuable.

If you like that kind of thing, you'd have been thrilled.

You don't happen to like it, but you do now know you can sell it on.

Knowing this, which you didn't know when you posted your OP. Doesn't this make a difference to the whole experience? I would venture to say it does.

Tbf I've been to pizza express a few times without coupons and it's surprisingly expensive for ordinary food! Think it's the fact you're in and out so quickly, you can have 3 courses and 2 drinks and still make the 8.30 showing at the cinema!

I was imagining there would be payment forthcoming and yes I'd be annoyed the expenses were not offered pronto. The thing is you do make more effort with visitors and personally I'd spend more on food than usual, choosing nice meals, trying to get what she likes etc.

We had the ds of a Spanish friend of my dad's staying with us when we were teens. It was very informal and I don't think any money or guidance was offered ... my rather uptight English parents really struggled with what to do with him! Not sure if it's just more casual over there.

I think the issue here is not just cultural, it's about the statue too.

You have reluctantly hosted a teenager for free for two weeks, recieved a tacky figurine and paid for the father's meal when he gatecrashed an evening out. You have received no polite offer of reimbursement, which you would have refused, as is the British way.

The father has sent his daughter to stay with friends who volunteered to have her, given them a collectable gift worth the best part of a couple of hundred quid (!) as a thank you / payment, and was invited on a meal out with the friends who wanted to celebrate his daughter's birthday.

He's probably just as put out as you are that you didn't enthuse about the god awful statue!

You're right, keepservingthedrinks.

At the time I didn't even think about the ornament. They got DD some little H&M type bracelets and DS a book so it didn't occur to me it might be expensive.

Red sippy cup. I fear you might be right! And perfectly summed up.

Sell it and there's your £150 quid with change. All sorted.

Unfortunately I'm too bloody British to sell it either. Just in case they turn up on our doorstep unexpectedly and we have to frantically find it Fawlty Towers style!

O/T but I rather love little lolita. As a child my parents took me to Spain and my dad bought me a dress very similar. She reminds me of myself on that holiday

To echo PP - Lladró is expensive and very collectable. It isn't my cup of tea either but it is comparable to a piece of Lalique glassware or Baccarat crystal. Of course you should sell it if you don't like it.

Oh and what Spaniard is going to have eaten already when it's 8.30?

Yes as if you aren't selfish enough already, feeding, chauffeuring and entertaining a teenager for two weeks, making a big fuss of her on her birthday, taking her out for dinner, and now you should be a fucking mind reader as well! If this weren't "cultural" you would have hoards of people telling you he is a chancer

Lladro is very pricey and highly collectible, may not be to your taste (or mine but my mother adores the stuff) but that's not a cheap gift. If you really don't want it I'll take it off your hands and that's DM's Christmas sorted.

This is hilarious. OP, other cultures are more direct. When the friend asked if you knew anyone who could host the girl, that's almost certainly what he meant -- did you know anyone who could host the girl? Not 'Hint, hint, I want you to host her.' 'No, we don't know anyone' would have been a perfectly good answer. But you say yes, because you feel guilted into it on zero grounds, or you think everyone is as indirect as you, and then for some reason agree to double the time you wanted to, and while you believe the girl's father is paying, you don't arrange terms in advance, but vaguely hope someone will mention it, and grouse when they don't. THEN the father, who is supposedly paying the expenses you've been too timorous to bring up, comes to pick up his daughter, and you grumpily buy him dinner, still not mentioning payment for the stay????

It could only have been more perfect if you donated the expensive Lladro figure to the summer fete bric-a-brac.

In future, OP, woman up and either say no, or talk money up front. You're like my MIL who thinks it's 'so rude' when a host believes her when she says she doesn't want dessert. In her world, the good host keeps offering, and the guest is allowed to accept the third time, though with a show of ladylike reluctance.

You are really missing a trick if you don't encourage your DCs to do a reverse trip btw. The Spanish are extremely used to the idea of hosting other teens and are generous, warm and considerate hosts.

We've house-swapped a couple of times and been blown away by our hosts' kindness.

(And as if this bonkersly-nocturnal race would have had their main meal in transit by 830! When we house swapped DH and I used to know it was bed time when the people next door started laying the table for the evening meal.)

I'd be fed up too OP. You got coerced into taking the girl. He could have paid some of the bill or not come.

I take it there is no reciprocal arrangement for your dcs?

Pizza Express isn't cheap. The deserts, drinks, salads all add up.

Bet you wished you'd done something at home instead.

Strawberry...

"Sneery McSneeryface", eh?! How about raised in the real world...? Lladro have always had huge advertisments everywhere, for as long as I can remember. World wide advertisments. I also spent a fair amount of my time being dragged into their outlet stores in Spain by both of my collector grandmothers. And no, I'm nothing like James Harris. I don't have time to be, for one thing, and for another, unless it's Royal Worcester, I'm simply not interested... (why isn't there a sarcasm emoji, that's what I want to know right now!)

If we're being judgemental... then I shall term you "reverse snob". Which, as you were the first to sneer... Please don't judge others, unless you want to look like a twat.

And before you start "but, but, but"-ing, I not only wasn't, but didn't judge the OP. I simply expressed my surprise that after, presumably, at least 20 years on the face of this planet, living in the world in which we currently do, they would have heard of Lladro. One of the biggest, most highly collectible producers of fine china ornamentation (which, I agree, is horrendously twee and absolutely not to my taste, either... but it is worth a small fortune).

How about you and I agree to pretend the other simply doesn't exist?

I've lived on the face of this planet for 40 years. I know many things about all sorts of random trivia including brand names and such. I've never heard of Lladro either.

It is a bit surprising that you'd heard of them at age 4 but two collector Grannies explain it.

If this weren't "cultural" you would have hoards of people telling you he is a chancer

How the hell is he a 'chancer'?!

He's just flown in from another country and the OP asks 'Have you eaten?' That's basically an invitation. How else was it going to go:

'Have you eaten?'
'Actually, no'
'Oh, hope the hotel has good room service then! See you tomorrow!'

Of course he assumed he was invited to his own daughter's birthday dinner, rather than sitting alone in a hotel room. And since the OP's family had already decided to host 5 people, he might think it awkward or insulting to whip out his wallet and try to pay the whole bill. And weird to only pay his own.

I'd always offer, myself, but I can see how he genuinely thought he was doing right. Much nicer to give people the benefit of the doubt in life.

Not all Lladro pieces are quite as twee as the you have been given OP. My DM collects their geese figurines, they're quite pretty.

I'd heard of lladro at 4 too. Lots of holidays in Spain meant that it was unavoidable.

Jeez, no wonder the .Brits have a reputation for being so tight. I'm still in shock that this was even an issue.
Wouldn't have occoured to me to expect him to pay

Spaniard here.

I would have paid, not only my part; I would have paid the full bill. Most people I know in Spain would have done the same in these circumstances (teen in the UK, last night, etc.). This guy was either a little bit mean or perhaps thought he would offend you if he tried to pay.

However over the years I have had my fair (fairly sizeable) of teens polishing their English (relatives, children of relatives or friends, etc.) and we hosted them, paid for everything and did not expect anything from them. We could have said no; once we said yes, it was one more mouth to feed and entertain. No regrets.

I any case, what I really want to make a point about is... Lladró.

It is expensive and collectible but bear in mind that most Spanish people do not like it at all. We certainly appreciate the original collections from the 60s and 70s in grey and sand (most of them discontinued or, if not, very expensive) but not the current designs for the American, Chinese and Japanese markets.

To tell you the truth, as of today it is considered a little bit tacky and nouveau riche. There are always "heritage" pieces that are more "early Lladró" than the current designs and are really appreciated but the rest of it...

I am sure your guest's parents got this for you because of its value and "fame", as apart from Americans, Chinese and Japanese, the queues at Lladró shops are packed with Germans and Brits. They would have thought you would like and appreciate it. Maybe it is not to their taste, but the fact that they went for something expensive and known to be collected and appreciated by Brits makes me think they really wanted to show their gratitude to you. And it is something you should graciously accept, as it was a valuable gift and they could have just sent a couple of trinkets and chocolates.

If you do not want to host, say no, but please do not say Yes and then come to AIBU because of the extra £25.

Sounds like you resented spending any money in Pizza Express. I do t really u derstand why you organised to go there even with 5 of you if you felt that the £125 it would have cost for 5 was too much. Fair enough if you didn't want to spend that money - you didn't need to and could have had a meal at home for the birthday.

Likewise, you didn't need to host at all. No one was coerced here - the OP could easily have said she wasn't interested in hosting or didn't want to, if she didn't want to.

However, hosting and then doing it grudgingly seems the worst of all outcomes. Hosting does involve putting yourself out and some expense too - it's just part of it. If you aren't willing to do this and also to be a little bit flexible about costs and being put out, then it's really not for you. OP has said she won't do it again in future - that's fine, she has realised it doesn't work for them as a family.

I just wonder if there are lots of people on this thread who have not really had many cross cultural encounters - so don't have many friends from other cultures who live here, or haven't travelled and stayed with locals rather than in hotels. Nthere seems to be a lot of very rigid thinking about what is and isn't acceptable behaviour over a £25 meal.

If you feel strongly, then speak up, stating what you want at the time - that you wanted him to pay. If you aren't prepared to vocalise your thoughts, then expecting him to be a mind reader isn't realistic. Best way is to just be a bit more flexible. If you've realised this doesn't work for you,nits best not to host again.

And I hope that your DC have gained loads from this experience and you too actually and the £25 quickly ceases to be of relevance to you and certainly doesn't somehow overshadow the whole experience.

So all this angst was over £25