Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about ILs on holiday

166 replies

Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 11:38

Hi I'm a regular on MN but have name changed as I don't want friends who use MN to be able to identify me IYSWIM. I need MNers wisdom to help me decide how to deal with what I see as rude behaviour from ILs.
Dh isn't British and as soon as we break up from school we're off to spend three weeks with my ILs at their villa by the beach in dh's home country. I won't lie, I hate this but it's got to be done.
My dh and his family adore fish and seafood (from a Mediterranean country) but I don't even eat fish fingers! I just wasn't fed fish as a kid and never developed a taste. I know it's really healthy and I cook it for the rest of my family, I just can't eat it. My ILs really hate this about me.
There's a famous seafood restaurant near their holiday home and once or twice during the visit they order a proper banquet (!) from this place to eat at home. It's a big treat for dh and it's something he looks forward to when he goes home. My problem is although I'm a guest in their home, they offer nothing else for me to eat, There is fish, shellfish, calamari and rice. That's it. They expect dh to sort it for me. Their holiday home is quite isolated and the only other restaurant is a McDonald's! So dh has to go and get me a meal from McDonald's. I feel a right idiot as I feel really conspicuous sitting with my little brown paper bag at the table. Plus dh's dns keep whining about how come she's getting McD's?!! Last year I said to dh I'm not bloody getting McDonald's again why can't your mum have something on for me. He said I was being difficult.
AIBU but if you have guests, you cater for them? My ILs visit us twice a year for three weeks at a time. They have very specific demands about food. No spicy food, no English food, low carb for fil and also they expect two main dishes plus vegetable side dish as that is the custom in their country. So I do this every night for three weeks for seven people (us plus them). I do all that cooking for then yet MIL basically refuses to cater for me. Meanwhile my dps make sure to feed dh all his favourite food when he visits! Grrr..,
Sorry for the long rant. Please tell me if I'm being difficult or should I expect something to eat? This sounds so bloody trivial but we're going next Saturday and I'm dreading this!

OP posts:
DotForShort · 14/07/2017 13:47

No one can force you to have a meal from McDonald's. Really. Stand up for yourself (politely) and plan how to cope with this meal as you want to. Whether that means cooking for yourself or just eating rice or whatever, be assertive. Not aggressive, obviously.

The in-laws sound rather overbearing and inflexible. Why are you spending so much time with them? I think if I were you I'd cancel my participation in the upcoming visit. Or at least limit it to a week or so.

marymarytoocontrary · 14/07/2017 13:48

I am MADE to get the McDonald's. I do feel stupid. I told dh last year I didn't want it and he said I was being difficult
nobody can make you choose wait for and eat a mcdonalds can they?

winglesspegasus · 14/07/2017 13:50

op if you must go bring your own food.
my exil were from med and would be {shock] by this treatment.
i live in the middle of the ocean
i dont eat seafood/not because of likes dislikes or dietary

how the fuck can they be in/from the med and not eat or like spicy food...Confused

and i sure as hell wouldnt have a third of my life dictated by them.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/07/2017 13:53

If you can make a Greek salad can you find some cheese to pan fry in EVOO, lemon juice and garlic (or whatever takes your fancy)? does the restaurant do chips

MiaowMix · 14/07/2017 13:53

Why don't you just simply stand up for yourself and take control of your food OP? It's just weird, you sound so passive as if all this is happening to you without you having any say in any of it.

Surely you must be able to find something lovely about being in a villa on a Mediterranean beach though? Are you not able to wander off and do your own thing (with kids? Do you have kids?)?

Are you very young, like 17? You sound like a child. And I don't understand how your in laws' diet is so 'unhealthy' when they seem to consume mountains of seafood and vegetables. That's about as healthy as it gets (better than your favoured carb-heavy McDonalds diet!).

This just doesn't add up - you sound like a captive,

RhubardGin · 14/07/2017 13:59

You say this happens once or twice on the holiday so what do you all eat every other night?

If there is a shop on the compound go there and get meats/cheeses etc for you when they are having fish.

Honestly, unless they are telling you that unless you eat McDonalds you must starve nobody is making you do anything.

They sound like a pain in the arse but you are letting it happen and your DH sounds like a mummy's boy, so unattractive!

Lemonfrostedcake · 14/07/2017 14:06

I'm not sure what you are eating for the other meals. You say it's unhealthy, but you also say they eat a lot of seafood. Are they serving up fish and chips every night? Confused

What kind of unhealthy food are they feeding you?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/07/2017 14:07

30 minutes to a supermarket isn't really that far....

Spadequeen · 14/07/2017 14:08

Your dh and his family want that food, they can bloody well cook it themselves.

How are you being difficult but they are being reasonable. Fuck that shit. I'd stop going, no way I'd use up my precious holiday time and money with that shit.

Yanbu, they are all toasters!

Spadequeen · 14/07/2017 14:09

Toasters?????? TOSSERS!

Original poster
Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 14:11

It's a bit of a myth that all Mediterranean people eat very healthy diets. That's not just my opinion btw. Dh recently had an angioplasty as he has high cholesterol. His consultant is Cypriot and even he said that a lot of people in the region eat quite dreadfully.
They'll basically do either chicken or meat in some kind of sauce, with salad on the side and loads of rice which is actually fried first on oil before it's boiled. They use loads of oil when they cook. Yes olive oil is good for you but you shouldn't see it floating on top of the tomato sauce! Everything in moderation! Vegetables are almost always over cooked in tomato sauce (green beans or courgettes). Dh's family are all overweight and most of the over 50s have type 2 diabetes. As I said dh is 44 and has high cholesterol sadly. Ironically since his diagnosis he has been eating fish most days (cooked healthily by me Grin) and he lost a lot of weight without even trying.

OP posts:
coddiwomple · 14/07/2017 14:13

Toasters?????? TOSSERS!

Grin Grin
I quite like the idea of calling someone "toaster"! Grin

Lemonfrostedcake · 14/07/2017 14:13

Sounds like it could be lovely food but very poorly prepared. What a shame!

Fishface77 · 14/07/2017 14:18

Op why do you need to go for the full 3 weeks?
What happens when the DC are older and refuse to go?

TorchesTorches · 14/07/2017 14:25

You are made to eat mcdonalds because that fits with their 'story' about you (we eat brilliantly and she eats rubbish. We are higher status, ha ha!) A greek salad that they cannot control will mess with their heads. Dont announce it before hand. Turn up when everyone is already there with a fork to eat it with. Let everyone see you have it and eat it. They will not be happy, but you need to start challenging their high status assumptions about themselves.

Original poster
Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 14:27

Fish that's probably a long way from happening. They do like seeing their cousins although it is very boring where we stay. I had to leave early last year as my dm was very very poorly. She'd had emergency surgery and was diagnosed with cancer. I didn't want to be away too long and insisted I leave earlier. Let's just say it didn't go down too well ..,,,,,

OP posts:
winglesspegasus · 14/07/2017 14:30

yes op!
most of med family is/was overweight.when my nana was diagnosed with diabetes.i sat down with her and we rebuilt all her recipes.
there was too much salt, too much oil,the overcooked veg was awful with no health benefits.and way too much bread.her diabetes came under control fast,

can you bring your own rice and cook up a nice fluffy or sticky rice and show them how it's doneGrin

good luck keep yourself and your kids happy and healthy.
as my dh would say if they are adultsGrinits not your job

Parker231 · 14/07/2017 14:37

OP - you are coming across as quite weak. If your IL's are ordering food you don't like, arrange to order something for yourself from another restaurant or prepare a separate meal. If you find the area boring then travel to other areas for days out or a few days away.

Original poster
Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 14:40

Mil actually got a rice cooker several years ago so we had lovely steamed rice. Then sil came on the scene, complained it was tasteless so we went back to putting half a bottle of oil in the rice!

OP posts:
JungleInTheRumble · 14/07/2017 14:43

I do think it's quite strange to not eat any fish but it's also very bad manners to not cater for your guests.

It's definitely fussy to write off whole groups of food though. Sure you don't like it and that's fair enough - but that's the definition of fussy!

StoatofDisarray · 14/07/2017 14:43

wingless pegasus and OP OMG, yes! That was the attitude of my American hosts and their Italian cook: English food was apparently rubbish, and Italian/American was far superior: "Wow, bet you're enjoying having some decent food at last, Stoat!"

Just being Italian (or in OP's case, Mediterranean) doesn't magically confer an ability to cook on someone. I have worked in Italy and stayed with my partner's in-laws in Greece, and I've eaten some disgusting crap in both countries: disgusting because it was badly-prepared, not because I don't like "foreign food" (I also had some delicious food in both countries, including pan-fried brains in Italy, and goat and horse meat in Greece. Just to make it clear I'm not a picky eater).

Original poster
Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 14:44

Parker who said that we don't do that? I hate people making assumptions just to be oppositional. We spend much of the time visiting friends in other places during the day, which can involve a two hour round trip. The dcs always say 'why couldn't our gps have a place here!'

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 14:49

Thanks Stoat and Wingle no one believes me except my own dps who have visited ILs and know what the cooking is like!

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 14/07/2017 14:53

They are really quite rude.

If you were allergic to fish or seafood, would they still expect you to eat it? If I have veggie friends to stay, I cater for them. I certainly wouldn't expect them to just eat the veg, or go and get their own supper! Although I wouldn't let them dictate what food they wanted to eat. Expecting 2 main veggie courses would be way out of order.

Remind your DH, that you cater for their special tastes when they stay with you, so why shouldn't you expect the same when you stay with them.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.