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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about ILs on holiday

166 replies

Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 11:38

Hi I'm a regular on MN but have name changed as I don't want friends who use MN to be able to identify me IYSWIM. I need MNers wisdom to help me decide how to deal with what I see as rude behaviour from ILs.
Dh isn't British and as soon as we break up from school we're off to spend three weeks with my ILs at their villa by the beach in dh's home country. I won't lie, I hate this but it's got to be done.
My dh and his family adore fish and seafood (from a Mediterranean country) but I don't even eat fish fingers! I just wasn't fed fish as a kid and never developed a taste. I know it's really healthy and I cook it for the rest of my family, I just can't eat it. My ILs really hate this about me.
There's a famous seafood restaurant near their holiday home and once or twice during the visit they order a proper banquet (!) from this place to eat at home. It's a big treat for dh and it's something he looks forward to when he goes home. My problem is although I'm a guest in their home, they offer nothing else for me to eat, There is fish, shellfish, calamari and rice. That's it. They expect dh to sort it for me. Their holiday home is quite isolated and the only other restaurant is a McDonald's! So dh has to go and get me a meal from McDonald's. I feel a right idiot as I feel really conspicuous sitting with my little brown paper bag at the table. Plus dh's dns keep whining about how come she's getting McD's?!! Last year I said to dh I'm not bloody getting McDonald's again why can't your mum have something on for me. He said I was being difficult.
AIBU but if you have guests, you cater for them? My ILs visit us twice a year for three weeks at a time. They have very specific demands about food. No spicy food, no English food, low carb for fil and also they expect two main dishes plus vegetable side dish as that is the custom in their country. So I do this every night for three weeks for seven people (us plus them). I do all that cooking for then yet MIL basically refuses to cater for me. Meanwhile my dps make sure to feed dh all his favourite food when he visits! Grrr..,
Sorry for the long rant. Please tell me if I'm being difficult or should I expect something to eat? This sounds so bloody trivial but we're going next Saturday and I'm dreading this!

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/07/2017 12:40

Cook what you want in your house. If they wont accommodate you why are you bending yourselves backwards for them. If your H is sooo concerned they wont eat it. He can cook for them. Or better still they can get McDonalds

I would so do this. I'd also tell them why if I didn't arrange to go somewhere else more fun when they visit.

For those saying 'just eat the rice' why should she? I'm vego and I'd see this as an insult. I'd also wake up hungry due to lack of protein.

paxillin · 14/07/2017 12:41

I think you and your IL are quite similar. You won't eat fish because you weren't fed any as a child. They won't eat English food or spicy stuff because it isn't their custom.

Purplepicnic · 14/07/2017 12:41

Just eat the rice on its own, its only one meal, you won't die. Sure you can find something else to go with it - chicken, veg or something? Can you not get to the supermarket at some point in the three weeks you're there?

As for when they come yours, cook what you want and if they don't like it, suggest they cook or you go out to eat.

Whisky2014 · 14/07/2017 12:42

Get your DH to cook when they visit you.

Sparkletastic · 14/07/2017 12:42

Come on OP stand up for yourself with them. My first post was a tad harsh as I was focusing on you refusing to participate in fish / seafood meals. From your later posts it's clear that you and your DH pander to your ILs and are overly accommodating. You do have my sympathies as I have difficult ILs but I have to say our relationship improved 100% when I got assertive with them. And now they've moved over 5 hours away so I never see them. Good things come to those who wait Wink

2014newme · 14/07/2017 12:43

Yes they are quite similar except she will accommodate their requirements and they won't accommodate hers.

It is a strange reason not to eat fish though. Lots of people don't like fish, but not to eat it because you didn't eat it as a child is unusual. if I only ate what I'd had as a child there'd ve a lot of angel delight served.

Lemonfrostedcake · 14/07/2017 12:44

For those saying 'just eat the rice' why should she? I'm vego and I'd see this as an insult. I'd also wake up hungry due to lack of protein.

Presumably they feed her for the other 61 meals in her visit. I'm fairly certain she will survive a lack of protein for two meals.

NoodleNinja · 14/07/2017 12:45

Stop cooking for them when they visit you!!! Just tell your husband he can deal with it as you don't get the same treatment when you visit them.

I can assure you it will get the message across.

Soditall · 14/07/2017 12:45

First of do you have to go with your DH when he goes to see his parents?It sounds horrendous for you and if it was me I wouldn't go every single year.

With the food your Inlaws and your Husband are well out of order expecting you to cook every single thing they want and the way they want it yet you have to eat Fish(which you can't stand)or have a Mcdonalds whilst your husbands DN winge at you about it.

You need to speak to your DH before you go away and tell him what should already be blatantly obvious to him that your being treated like a nuisance by him and his family and that enough is enough!

StoatofDisarray · 14/07/2017 12:45

I feel for you, and I don't think YABU. It's rude of them not to make allowances for you knowing you don't eat fish, if you cater to their preferences when they come to you, even if it is only a couple of times during your stay. I would eat the rice and salad, and if your DH doesn't step up, tell him that you will only be cooking the food that you like next time they come to visit.

I would also cut their visits to the UK down to a week at a time, max. Nine weeks a year?! Nightmare!

BogQueens · 14/07/2017 12:46

if I only ate what I'd had as a child there'd ve a lot of angel delight served.

Grin I'd be living on a diet of chops, tinned peas and floury potatoes, with Vienetta on Sunday and would probably have scurvy..

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2017 12:46

Blimey. Why on earth doesn't your dp cook while his parents are staying- at least half the time? And why can't he grill you a bit of chicken or something to go with the rice and vegetables from them seafood place? Obviously his parents ought to be doing this, but if they aren't he should step up.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/07/2017 12:47

I would not sit with a McD brown bag in a famous restaurant,

The food is ordered to eat at home, the op is t in the restaurant with he mcds.

OP why can you just order the rice and cook some chicken from the supermarket to go with it. No big deal, tell your dh to make sure what ever you need is in and you will cook it.

LostinCosta · 14/07/2017 12:52

Go to the supermarket the day before and prepare yourself somerhing that will go with the rice so you can join in.

Going to the supermarkwt with your dh will get you out of the villa and away from everyone for a few hours.

marymarytoocontrary · 14/07/2017 12:52

We all have our likes and dislikes and fish does have a distinctive taste that I abhor and always have

Sorry but this is just rubbish. There are so many different kinds of fish, let alone every seafood and shellfish, you're talking as if there is one flavour of "fish" as if its one thing....there are a thousand different flavors and when you consider you can cook any of them them in hundreds of different ways, you have put literally a million different tastes under one heading called fish and refused to eat any of it.

It's ridiculous.

DistanceCall · 14/07/2017 12:56

So... they do this once or twice every time you go. Not all the time.

Can't you eat some rice and make yourself a boiled egg or two? Honestly.

Floofborksnootandboop · 14/07/2017 12:56

Other than prawns and salmon if it's in something like pasta don't come near with fish! I'm not a fussy eater at all and will eat anything out in front of me but never fish. I don't know why I dislike it so much but just thinking of it makes me feel ill Confused

You're not childish or a fussy eater for not eating fish, they're childish for not catering to their guests needs.

DistanceCall · 14/07/2017 12:58

By the way, this sort of restaurant usually offer side dishes too. You can always ask your DH to tell your ILs to order you a salad or something like that.

StoatofDisarray · 14/07/2017 12:58

marymary I disagree. I'm a massive fan of fish and shellfish, but it does have a distinctive flavour: fishy.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/07/2017 12:59

t is a strange reason not to eat fish though. Lots of people don't like fish, but not to eat it because you didn't eat it as a child is unusual. if I only ate what I'd had as a child there'd ve a lot of angel delight served

Except for she didn't say this. She said she never developed a taste for it and does not like it now. Personally, I think the 'never had it as a child' is a red herring. I was fed a lot of fish as a child and I loathed it then as I do now. And calamari tastes like seaweed flavoured tyres.

Presumably they feed her for the other 61 meals in her visit. I'm fairly certain she will survive a lack of protein for two meals

Then they can do so for two other meals, surely?

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2017 13:01

And whatever else you do- stop doing all that cooking when they stay!
I don't understand the hating all fish thing either, but nearly adult ds says exactly the same thing about fruit -he doesn't like it because it's all "fruity"........

marymarytoocontrary · 14/07/2017 13:03

marymary I disagree. I'm a massive fan of fish and shellfish, but it does have a distinctive flavour: fishy

It's not really something you can disagree with: curried salmon for example has no similar flavour profile to say oysters. It's not an opinion, its a statement of fact; there are thousands of completely different flavours under the heading of things from the sea.

And if your fish tastes fishy you have old nasty fish. Try something fresh

notangelinajolie · 14/07/2017 13:04

Not getting this. Something isn't adding up. Isolated location and MacDonalds do not go together. I find it difficult to believe that MacDonalds would open up a restaurant in a place where there were are no people There must be at least one shop where you can buy food and make yourself something else. Salad maybe?

Your inlaws are not being rude - you are. I am stunned that you think it is ok to sit there as an invited guest and eat take away MacDonalds at the table like some spoiled six year old. Your DH must be mortified. And exactly what kind of example are you setting your kids?

notangelinajolie · 14/07/2017 13:05

Also adding - that I do not eat fish either.

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2017 13:08

"Your inlaws are not being rude"

If they know that the OP doesn't like fish and they are the hosts and they aren't offering an alternative then yes they are! Mind you, I have never come across a seafood restaurant that serves nothing but fisn......

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