Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about ILs on holiday

166 replies

Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 11:38

Hi I'm a regular on MN but have name changed as I don't want friends who use MN to be able to identify me IYSWIM. I need MNers wisdom to help me decide how to deal with what I see as rude behaviour from ILs.
Dh isn't British and as soon as we break up from school we're off to spend three weeks with my ILs at their villa by the beach in dh's home country. I won't lie, I hate this but it's got to be done.
My dh and his family adore fish and seafood (from a Mediterranean country) but I don't even eat fish fingers! I just wasn't fed fish as a kid and never developed a taste. I know it's really healthy and I cook it for the rest of my family, I just can't eat it. My ILs really hate this about me.
There's a famous seafood restaurant near their holiday home and once or twice during the visit they order a proper banquet (!) from this place to eat at home. It's a big treat for dh and it's something he looks forward to when he goes home. My problem is although I'm a guest in their home, they offer nothing else for me to eat, There is fish, shellfish, calamari and rice. That's it. They expect dh to sort it for me. Their holiday home is quite isolated and the only other restaurant is a McDonald's! So dh has to go and get me a meal from McDonald's. I feel a right idiot as I feel really conspicuous sitting with my little brown paper bag at the table. Plus dh's dns keep whining about how come she's getting McD's?!! Last year I said to dh I'm not bloody getting McDonald's again why can't your mum have something on for me. He said I was being difficult.
AIBU but if you have guests, you cater for them? My ILs visit us twice a year for three weeks at a time. They have very specific demands about food. No spicy food, no English food, low carb for fil and also they expect two main dishes plus vegetable side dish as that is the custom in their country. So I do this every night for three weeks for seven people (us plus them). I do all that cooking for then yet MIL basically refuses to cater for me. Meanwhile my dps make sure to feed dh all his favourite food when he visits! Grrr..,
Sorry for the long rant. Please tell me if I'm being difficult or should I expect something to eat? This sounds so bloody trivial but we're going next Saturday and I'm dreading this!

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 14/07/2017 12:19

They must have food in the villa? What do you eat the rest of the time?

Yes, I'm still wondering this.

PostmanPatisacrappostman · 14/07/2017 12:19

I generally find that people always think others are fussy eaters, if they don't eat the foods that THEY like.

We are all different, it's rude and spiteful to make a guest feel like shit.

BarbarianMum · 14/07/2017 12:20

Yes cater for yourself on fishfest nights. And cater as you normally would when they come to you. If dh has a problem with that he can hustle his arse into the kitchen.

2014newme · 14/07/2017 12:20

Another one wondering about food in the villa and who cooks on the 19 nights when there's not a fish supper.

clippityclock · 14/07/2017 12:20

buck3t I don't eat cheese at all. I would have to leave a meal if it had cheese on it. I don't like it and it also gives me severe diarrhoea within 20 minutes of eating it!

In future I wouldn't cater to their whims and I would cook what the fuck I wanted in my home and they would either have to eat it or bugger off out. Totally different if the reciprocated with your needs though, which they clearly don't.

Confusedandintrigued · 14/07/2017 12:21

It's rude and inconsiderate of them.

But....

Woman the hell up! Sort yourself out. Bollox there is only a macd or seankt fish place. Bollox the fish place ONLY serves fish.

C'mon OP, you're an adult, behave like one.

UrsulaPandress · 14/07/2017 12:22

Sorry I understand now I think - because they are getting a 'take away' they insist you get one as well. In that case enjoy your Maccie D.

PostmanPatisacrappostman · 14/07/2017 12:23

Confused I did wonder that. Surely the fish place does a veggie option? Surely there's a chicken breast or some cold meats in the house?

RainbowJack · 14/07/2017 12:24

I'm not allowed to make

I was told not to be ridiculous

First of all you need to stop allowing yourself to be dictated to.

You're being difficult but it's fine for his parents to be difficult?

There are several options available to you.

  • Take food from the UK
  • Stop at a shop for supplies before going towards the isolated area
  • Go or send your H shopping. It's 30 mins away but you're there for 3 weeks. It isn't that far
  • Tell them their behaviour makes you feel unwelcome
  • Cook what you want in your house. If they wont accommodate you why are you bending yourselves backwards for them. If your H is sooo concerned they wont eat it. He can cook for them. Or better still they can get McDonalds

People wont respect you if you don't respect yourself. Stop allowing them to mug you off.

StatisticallyChallenged · 14/07/2017 12:25

I'm with you op I really struggle with fish - I can manage cod and haddock but everything else turns my stomach. And these sort of fancy fish places rarely do cod or haddock, normally it's lots of fancier seafood which I cannot eat.

I get very tired of people who are themselves quite picky taking the kids for this. In laws who don't eat spicy food in any form so won't consider going to Indian, Mexican, Thai, even fucking nandos is out. Various other must be like x and must not be like y. But they will take the piss out of not eating fish. It's infuriating and bloody hypocritical.

frankie001 · 14/07/2017 12:29

I really fancy seafood now Sad

paxillin · 14/07/2017 12:30

If they demand vegetable side dishes when visiting you I bet they have vegetable side dishes at homw. Eat that and rice. Eat MacDonalds as a grown up when others are having dinner is unbelievably embarrassing and super rude. By the same token, cook your food when they come.

Rafflesway · 14/07/2017 12:31

I am definitely with OP here!

Dislike of fish is VERY common so am surprised by the comments suggesting this is weird. Personally I love fish but couldn't stomach some shellfish. mussels

How do you get on with your ils Rainbow? Sounds to me as if your DH is a pampered and spoiled little boy and you are an inconvenience who has taken their darling boy from his mama.

They are being EXTREMELY rude and passive aggressive IMO. I would definitely put my foot down and refuse to stay with them next year. You need your own holiday and your DH needs to cut the apron strings.

RhubardGin · 14/07/2017 12:32

What about breakfast and lunch?

There must be other food in the house for you to rustle something up.

Two weeks in a villa in the med eating nothing but seafood sounds like heaven to me Smile

Buck3t · 14/07/2017 12:32

clippityclock Seriously, as if the runs are an excuse not to eat cheese! fgs!!!! Wink

Seriously, I have to ask the question. Does no-one read the thread? Absolutely no-one? Or the original post. She is made to go to Macdonalds and told she is ridiculous if she just orders the rice with onions.

Fontella · 14/07/2017 12:34

Well I do think it's a bit childish to refuse to eat any fish or shellfish

Well call me childish then because I don't eat any fish, shellfish, meat or eggs!

I also wouldn't eat broad beans if you paid me a million pounds and loathe most Chinese food.

Everyone has likes and dislikes, including the OP's inlaws from the sound of it - who make a long list of requirements when they come to stay with her, which she is kind enough to accommodate.

They, on the other hand, refuse to cater for their daughter in law who doesn't like fish or shellfish.

And it's the OP you call 'childish'? Nothing childish about it. It comes down to personal preference and good manners. There are a million things they could prepare for her without much effort that doesn't involve fish or shellfish, but they deliberately choose not to.

BogQueens · 14/07/2017 12:36

I hate this but it's got to be done.

I'm not allowed to make

I was told not to be ridiculous

Look at your language, OP. You are an adult. None of this is compulsory. You don't have to spend three weeks with your ILs, and while catering for your FIL's dietary needs obviously needs doing, you do not need to spend sex weeks a year trying to replicate meals from your ILs home country. If the world will end if you cater the way you normally would, then your DH needs to do all the cooking while your ILs visit. Or, here's a radical idea, your ILs don't need to spend six weeks a year staying with you. There are B and B's, AirBnB, hotels. Hell would freeze over before I would have anyone staying for that long at a time.

CurbsideProphet · 14/07/2017 12:36

Your DP dictates what food YOU have to cook when his fussy eater parents visit, but tells you to suck it up when visiting them? I wouldn't be standing for that shit.

Take your own pasta and make a sauce with whatever they have in the cupboards?

Fwiw I also have an aversion to sea food and anything spicy, but my DP isn't a dick about it.

2014newme · 14/07/2017 12:36

If people were calling me ridiculous I probably would book a different holiday.

paxillin · 14/07/2017 12:36

She is made to go to Macdonalds and told she is ridiculous if she just orders the rice with onions.

They said not to be ridiculous. She wasn't frogmarched there. I would not sit with a McD brown bag in a famous restaurant, how mortifying, OP just needs to order rice and veg. Done, and less obvious than McD.

LightDrizzle · 14/07/2017 12:37

Does your husband do all the cooking when your parents visit?
First of all I'd stop cooking for them in their visits to you, since it's never been reciprocated, let your DH know he's in charge, secondly I wouldn't go to their villa for more than one week a year nor would I host them for more than one week a year. They are very rude and selfish.
My daughter has had picky-eater boyfriends. My husband and I grumble behind their backs Grin, but plan meals that don't include their dislikes. When we know their favourites, we will do those, who doesn't want to please their guests?

StatisticallyChallenged · 14/07/2017 12:37

I was just thinking that Buck3t, ok has explained that pretty clearly so I'm not sure why she's getting told to just eat the sides. I'm guessing from their two mains requirement that her in laws would consider just eating sides to be even worse than a McDonald's.

allegretto · 14/07/2017 12:37

If there's rice and you're happy to eat rice why won't they let you?

StatisticallyChallenged · 14/07/2017 12:38

Paxillan she's not eating the McDonald in the restaurant

user1486915549 · 14/07/2017 12:40

I don't eat fish or seafood.
On the occasions in the Med when I have had to accompany friends to smart fish restaurants I have always found something I can eat.
Can you not have the rice and some green salad ?
. I would be happy with that and don't make a fuss. Or is it your IL's making a fuss that you are happy with rice and salad ?
I would refuse the McD , it would make me feel childish.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread