about ILs on holiday

[Rainbowsandsunshine17]

Hi I'm a regular on MN but have name changed as I don't want friends who use MN to be able to identify me IYSWIM. I need MNers wisdom to help me decide how to deal with what I see as rude behaviour from ILs.
Dh isn't British and as soon as we break up from school we're off to spend three weeks with my ILs at their villa by the beach in dh's home country. I won't lie, I hate this but it's got to be done.
My dh and his family adore fish and seafood (from a Mediterranean country) but I don't even eat fish fingers! I just wasn't fed fish as a kid and never developed a taste. I know it's really healthy and I cook it for the rest of my family, I just can't eat it. My ILs really hate this about me.
There's a famous seafood restaurant near their holiday home and once or twice during the visit they order a proper banquet (!) from this place to eat at home. It's a big treat for dh and it's something he looks forward to when he goes home. My problem is although I'm a guest in their home, they offer nothing else for me to eat, There is fish, shellfish, calamari and rice. That's it. They expect dh to sort it for me. Their holiday home is quite isolated and the only other restaurant is a McDonald's! So dh has to go and get me a meal from McDonald's. I feel a right idiot as I feel really conspicuous sitting with my little brown paper bag at the table. Plus dh's dns keep whining about how come she's getting McD's?!! Last year I said to dh I'm not bloody getting McDonald's again why can't your mum have something on for me. He said I was being difficult.
AIBU but if you have guests, you cater for them? My ILs visit us twice a year for three weeks at a time. They have very specific demands about food. No spicy food, no English food, low carb for fil and also they expect two main dishes plus vegetable side dish as that is the custom in their country. So I do this every night for three weeks for seven people (us plus them). I do all that cooking for then yet MIL basically refuses to cater for me. Meanwhile my dps make sure to feed dh all his favourite food when he visits! Grrr..,
Sorry for the long rant. Please tell me if I'm being difficult or should I expect something to eat? This sounds so bloody trivial but we're going next Saturday and I'm dreading this!

Then they can do so for two other meals, surely?

Is there a reason she can't cook for herself for those two meals? Or just generally stand up for herself. They are trying to accommodate (poorly) with McD's.She is a fully autonomous adult after all.

Surely a simple "no, I don't want McD's - I'll just cook up a chicken breast/ just order me X vegetable dish, etc" would suffice.

What do you all eat the rest of the three weeks?

It sounds as though your in laws are the fussy eaters not you OP.

Your inlaws are not being rude - you are. I am stunned that you think it is ok to sit there as an invited guest and eat take away MacDonalds at the table like some spoiled six year old. Your DH must be mortified. And exactly what kind of example are you setting your kids

Who mentioned kids? There is a DN (personally, I'd co-opt her by treating her to McD's) but no other kids were mentioned. And surely the lesson kids should be learing is about how to be a good host?

The inlaws are being outstandingly rude. They demand that the OP cater for them and their multiple 'childish' tastes when they vist, but refuse to accommodate the OP when she visits them.

Op won't say what happens Re food provision the rest of the time

I think both OP and the IL are fussy eaters and recognise that in each other. Irritating to see what your own quips look like when you spot them in others.

Actually, I wouldn't go if DP couldn't promise me that he can get me a decent food. 3 weeks without any food that I actually like would be torture.
And I would stop cooking for them. He can do it.

I know MN can be brutal but some people are being rude without reading what I actually said. I am MADE to get the McDonald's. I do feel stupid. I told dh last year I didn't want it and he said I was being difficult.
I will definitely insist on cooking for myself. It will be a welcome change from the unhealthy shit MIL serves. She doesn't actually cook btw. She has a live in maid who does it. A lot of the stuff has already been made in their home and stuck in the deep freezer when they arrive at the villa. The fridge and freezer is always full. Mil just doesn't want to waste some on me.
I do have a dh problem, slightly anyway. We spend at least nine weeks a year with his dps. Dh also travels (long haul) at least six weeks of the year. He's in the US right now. He's been away since Sunday and will come back on Thursday. We'll go to his dps on Saturday. I feel he could have left a gap so we could spend a bit of time together. His dps also like to arrive the exact day or the day after he returns from a long trip. I shouldn't complain though. I feel guilty as his job is at risk so he may end up under my feet!

Op won't say Sorry I didn't realise that was an issue. Mil oversees the maid in the kitchen or we're often invited out by dh's friends. I'd happily cook as I hate my kids eating the unhealthy food they do.

The fridge and freezer is always full. Mil just doesn't want to waste some on me.

Will she snatch a piece of chicken out of your hand if you try to cook some for yourself?

Op why the hell are you doing this? Why are you spending 9 weeks with your inlaws?

Why are you allowing them to force you to eat McDonald's?

Right so you're spending 9 weeks with your inlaws when you'd rather not.

They're rude and unwelcoming, your dc don't like the food.

WHY are you putting up with this?

Op you're being a doormat.
"no thanks I don't want mcd I will make myself some chicken and salad"

Well they sound like they are being deliberately horrible, but can't you just have some left overs from the day before, or make up a nice salad or something?

So the whole family demand that the only think you are allowed to eat at dinner time is McDonalds and they don't allow you to cook at their house?

Thing*

Also I'm actually very low maintenance as a guest. I bring breakfast stuff from the UK and we buy stuff for our lunch from the tiny shop in the compound where the villa is. Don't get me started on what I'm expected to buy when ILs come! They are shit house guests which is probably why I'm fed up and becoming slightly petty.
Anyway the general opinion seems to be to make my own dish. I will definitely plan for that and let you know if that works!

Will she snatch a piece of chicken from your hand . Yes I shouldn't wait for permission.

I think you are both being u.
When you're there you should eat their food and when they're at yours don't cater for them anymore. If they ask why, tell them that they don't cater to you so you won't pander to them! If your DP disagrees then he needs to cook for them when they're at your house.

paxillin Fri 14-Jul-17 13:14:51

I think both OP and the IL are fussy eaters and recognise that in each other.

OP said she'll eat anything but fish, don't think that's a fussy eater.

I'm the same, I can just about eat some salmon or plain white fish but otherwise I don't like fish. However, I eat loads of stuff my DP won't even go near.

Not liking fish doesn't make someone fussy.

"He said I was being difficult."
You are not being difficult and he is being a pathetic little Mummy's Boy.

"My ILs visit us twice a year for three weeks at a time. They have very specific demands about food. No spicy food, no English food, low carb for fil and also they expect two main dishes plus vegetable side dish as that is the custom in their country. So I do this every night for three weeks for seven people (us plus them). I do all that cooking for then yet MIL basically refuses to cater for me."

Right, so we're talking about a complete disparity of hospitality. They demand you cater to them, but refuse to cater to you. Time to point this out to your husband in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS. He either tells his mother that it's time she upper her game when she is hosting his wife, or she accepts the same level of hospitality from you on her visits. Or he does ALL the catering to their whims for those six weeks a year.

His parents are lousy hosts. (From a Mediterranean country? I would expect that to be, culturally speaking, an unacceptable thing to be.) Point their shoddy hosting out to him. Tell him it's time he pointed it out to his parents. Pointed out to them that he wants them to treat his wife with the same respect they expect from his wife. That he is insulted they will not treat you with respect.

If you keep putting up with this disrespect - this punishment for not being exactly the same as them - they will continue to treat you disrespectfully.

I absolutely would stop catering to their dietary preferences, if they can't get a fucking grip on this.

You have an IL problem, but you mainly have a DH problem.

The more you post the worse it gets! You poor thing! They sound absolutely horrendous.

I've stayed with people who have a live-in cook and you're absolutely right: if the cook is crap, it is especially difficult trying to get decent food even if your hosts are nice: you can't just go into the kitchen and make something yourself, or else the cook gets pissy, and your hosts get insulted.

After one memorable dish which involved asparagus boiled until it had disintegrated into threads and mush, and a beef stew that consisted mostly of half-raw meat, dried herbs and water, I resorted to buying food and keeping it in my room so that I could eat something later (nothing that needed refrigeration, though).

And this was in the middle of Manhattan - not even the middle of nowhere, like you, OP.

They do sound rude, OP, but if this were me (and I'm a vegetarian) I'd make a salad or something a big enough for others to have a bit, and get some bread and cheese. There must be a local supermarket or something?

Also - one other thought - does the fish restaurant not do ANY non-fish dishes? I've been to quite a few fish restaurants (despite not eating fish) and most of them will make me omelette and chips or a salad and potatoes. Often they have stuff that might just be seen as a side order but when put together would make a passable meal.

Imogen you've inspired me! I could easily get the ingredients for a Greek salad from the local shop! Looking forward to that now!