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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about ILs on holiday

166 replies

Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 11:38

Hi I'm a regular on MN but have name changed as I don't want friends who use MN to be able to identify me IYSWIM. I need MNers wisdom to help me decide how to deal with what I see as rude behaviour from ILs.
Dh isn't British and as soon as we break up from school we're off to spend three weeks with my ILs at their villa by the beach in dh's home country. I won't lie, I hate this but it's got to be done.
My dh and his family adore fish and seafood (from a Mediterranean country) but I don't even eat fish fingers! I just wasn't fed fish as a kid and never developed a taste. I know it's really healthy and I cook it for the rest of my family, I just can't eat it. My ILs really hate this about me.
There's a famous seafood restaurant near their holiday home and once or twice during the visit they order a proper banquet (!) from this place to eat at home. It's a big treat for dh and it's something he looks forward to when he goes home. My problem is although I'm a guest in their home, they offer nothing else for me to eat, There is fish, shellfish, calamari and rice. That's it. They expect dh to sort it for me. Their holiday home is quite isolated and the only other restaurant is a McDonald's! So dh has to go and get me a meal from McDonald's. I feel a right idiot as I feel really conspicuous sitting with my little brown paper bag at the table. Plus dh's dns keep whining about how come she's getting McD's?!! Last year I said to dh I'm not bloody getting McDonald's again why can't your mum have something on for me. He said I was being difficult.
AIBU but if you have guests, you cater for them? My ILs visit us twice a year for three weeks at a time. They have very specific demands about food. No spicy food, no English food, low carb for fil and also they expect two main dishes plus vegetable side dish as that is the custom in their country. So I do this every night for three weeks for seven people (us plus them). I do all that cooking for then yet MIL basically refuses to cater for me. Meanwhile my dps make sure to feed dh all his favourite food when he visits! Grrr..,
Sorry for the long rant. Please tell me if I'm being difficult or should I expect something to eat? This sounds so bloody trivial but we're going next Saturday and I'm dreading this!

OP posts:
2014newme · 14/07/2017 12:00

Yes what happens at other meals? Do they cool for you?

supermoon100 · 14/07/2017 12:01

You sound about 6 years old. I didn't eat loads of foods growing up that are considered normal (due to cultural and financial constraints ) - now I eat everything, fussy eaters drive me potty

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 14/07/2017 12:01

Whilst I think not eating any fish as an adult is a bit on ridiculous side I do think your IL are being rude but it's your DH that should step up on this issue.
If they continue then I too would let him cater to them when they visit.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 14/07/2017 12:03

Wow, they're being incredibly rude not to find something you can eat, or even offer to get in some bread, sliced meat, salad/whatever for you. Is there no food in the house you could prepare yourself a meal with?

As for when they visit you, STOP doing all the ridiculous catering - cook some lovely English food and then offer them McDonald's if they complain...

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 14/07/2017 12:03

Well I do think it's a bit childish to refuse to eat any fish or shellfish

^ most ridiculous comment of the day Hmm

coddiwomple · 14/07/2017 12:05

Why can't you and DH pop in a supermarket once or twice to buy you a few things, and you can cook yourself something the day they order their seafood which is a treat for DH? Is it a seafood restaurant delivering - and it's very unusual they have absolutely nothing without fish - or some nice fishmonger who only delivers platter?

It's sounds very petulant to take your McDonald on the table frankly.

It's completely unreasonable to follow strict food demands for your IL when they visit. Allergies, intolerance or health diet: fine. (some people can be on a very strict long term diet after some surgery for example). I wouldn't cook what they hate, but I would not prepare 2 main dishes. They are in your country, they adapt, if they don't like it they are free to go to McDonald Smile

It's totally irrelevant what you used to eat as a child, taste change and many of us eat and like completely different things as adults. There's also a huge difference between eating food you don't like politely, and food that litterally make you throw up (I can't eat oysters for example, I tried many times, but I can't stomach them).

BallOrAerosol · 14/07/2017 12:06

D they not cook for you for the other 60 odd meals you eat during your stay? Would it really hurt for you to sort yourself out once or twice?

Likewise for them when they come over for 3 weeks with all their demands that the OP has to cater for. I would not be doing that anymore OP, they can eat whatever you are serving when they come over, and if they don't like it then tough- that is the attitude they have to you and it works both ways!

AngelaTwerkel · 14/07/2017 12:09

OP, they can eat whatever you are serving when they come over, and if they don't like it then tough- that is the attitude they have to you and it works both ways!

This. Please tell me you'll take this stance. I would be a bit nonplussed about you not liking any seafood, but I would make you a pasta salad or something. How rude to not cater for you at all - that's very far from my idea of hosting. But if they won't change then you should offer them the same (non)courtesy.

Original poster
Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 12:10

Honestly I'm not a fussy eater! I eat everything except fish! Actually in laws are the fussy ones. There's a long list of things I'm not allowed to make when they visit. Dh is always saying 'oh you can't make that, my dps won't like it'.
As for alternative places to get food, they stay in quite an isolated place. The nearest supermarket is half an hour away. The fish restaurant stands on its own but because it's so famous people are willing to make the trip. The McDonalds is on the highway on the way to it. No, there is nothing else on the menu.
I've decided I'll bring some ingredients from the UK which are easy to carry and tell dh or mil to get me the ingredients (obviously I don't drive there). I do feel like a fricking idiot with the McDonald's and I have said I'll just eat the rice! Im a carb addict anyway. The restaurant actually makes this really delicious rice with onions. I was told not to be ridiculous.

OP posts:
paradoxicalInterruption · 14/07/2017 12:12

if there are no allergies involved I do think not eating any kind of fish is a bit weird.

but what do you do the rest of the time? I'd get a bit of chicken in to cook.

UrsulaPandress · 14/07/2017 12:12

They have no other food in the villa?

PostmanPatisacrappostman · 14/07/2017 12:12

The whole situation sounds ridiculous. Hell would freeze over before I'd be forced to spend 6 weeks of the year with in laws.

I think they are being awful not to just sort out out with something else other than fish. Can you not have a bit of chicken or steak?

So what if you don't like fish? I know people that don't like spicy food, that don't like cheese, that don't eat meat or only eat halal. I wouldn't dream of having them as a guest and not sorting something they could eat.

Buck3t · 14/07/2017 12:13

My Dsis is allergic to fish, she always has something different and no DP of hers has ever minded. You need to have a word with you DH.

Note for the future. Anything you don't want to eat, say your are allergic to. Works a treat.

Buck3t · 14/07/2017 12:14

Postman people that don't eat CHEESE?!!!
Crazy people! (totally missing the point of the thread at this point)

MoonfaceAndSilky · 14/07/2017 12:14

Rude, rude, rude!
3 weeks of this - nah, I'd tell Dh to sort it or I wouldn't be going.

Original poster
Rainbowsandsunshine17 · 14/07/2017 12:14

It's not petulant to take my McDonald's to the table! They expect me to get McDonald's and eat it at the table!! Didn't I make it clear in my Op that I feel stupid and when I said I didn't want McDonald's last year I was told I was being difficult.
FIL even complained to dh this year that his blood sugar was elevated because I wasn't catering to his needs! (He was diagnosed last year) Well perhaps he or my mil can fucking cook more suitable food.

OP posts:
PostmanPatisacrappostman · 14/07/2017 12:14

Ffs if your husband parents have all these demands, why doesn't he cook for them.

You're being a mug

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 14/07/2017 12:15

Sympathies. I am a veggie. Happens all the time (o:

Pack a few tins of favourites in your main luggage for some meals, rice and salad for the rest of meals? There are some great, small/light things that come in indiv packaging.

2014newme · 14/07/2017 12:15

Ok so go to the supermarket that's half an hour away and get something. Or order the onion rice from the restaurant.

They must have food in the villa? What do you eat tge rest of the time?
Who cooks for the other nights, you or them?

Lemonfrostedcake · 14/07/2017 12:15

I am interested if they cater for you for the rest of the holiday. If yes, then I do think YABU as you could just eat rice. You certainly won't starve and have to resort to McDs. Hmm

As for them coming to you, if they want certain foods and your DH thinks you should facilitate this, let him cook.

coddiwomple · 14/07/2017 12:16

Dh is always saying 'oh you can't make that, my dps won't like it'.

you could tell him that you are cooking this but he's very welcome to cook something else if he prefers.

MrsCharlesBrandon · 14/07/2017 12:16

I realise this goes against the grain here, but I'm with you OP.

Despite being offered fish frequently through my childhood, and trying countless times as an adult, the only fish i can stomach is smoked haddock and swordfish. Prawns became a no-no for me after the smell caused terrible sickness in my first pregnancy.

I would second the chicken suggestion, or even olives etc with rice.

Btw, try swordfish, not fishy tasting and is quite meaty, you might like it!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/07/2017 12:16

Well I do think it's a bit childish to refuse to eat any fish or shellfish

Ugh. How fucking rude. Even the smell of fish makes me retch. I loathe it. We all have our likes and dislikes and fish does have a distinctive taste that I abhor and always have.

As a fully fledged vegetarian the feast would not suit me anyway. I often find that as a vego that when others have seafood the Wetherspoons equivalent (fried halloumi) is my best friend. Make sure there is a salad and lots of lemon to go with it and chips

SapphireStrange · 14/07/2017 12:18

Dh is always saying 'oh you can't make that, my dps won't like it'.

The correct response is 'Very well darling, YOU cook them something they WILL like. Call me when it's ready.'

Please get a backbone.

Lemonfrostedcake · 14/07/2017 12:18

FIL even complained to dh this year that his blood sugar was elevated because I wasn't catering to his needs! (He was diagnosed last year)

If that's true, there is a world of difference between catering for medical needs and fussy eater. They aren't really comparable.

God knows I've eaten things I do like in the past to be polite, or just ate around certain dishes. But I would be inflammed if someone knew I had a medical issue and decided to serve up something bad for my health.

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