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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be concerned about friends parenting

149 replies

user1499629977 · 13/07/2017 23:59

One of my close friends has an 11 yo DS and I met them both for coffee on Tuesday. She had to pop into boots to buy "lady things" as she called it.... (chafing cream & tampax) when she mentioned this to me, her DS covered his ears with his hands and starting going "lalalalala". When I asked him why he was doing that he said "I don't want to hear about lady things it's gross!" Which, whilst many 11 year olds may still be in the 'girls/boys are yucky' stage, I thought was quite concerning especially in 2017. I explained to him that these things are perfectly natural, normal things and not 'gross' as it's part of everyday life for women.

His mum then laughed and said "we don't talk about lady things in front of DS". I kept quiet because I didn't want to cause an argument but I really wish I had challenged her and asked why she wasn't teaching her son that this is nothing to be grossed out about? In this day and age it should be something we are normalising for children surely???

She isn't fussed and thinks it's normal behaviour for an 11yo, yeah maybe.... but I don't think she's doing her son any favours.

Maybe if he was 6,7,8 YO I could understand it a bit more but he's in secondary school now and must have had some sex education lessons at some point So must be aware of what happens with the female body? I'm so confused!

AIBU?

OP posts:

marymarytoocontrary · 14/07/2017 00:00

doesn't sound odd at all. Do you have an 11 yr old boy?

Justhadmyhaircut · 14/07/2017 00:02

He is 11. Barely coming to terms with his own body changes without thinking about other people's in real life. .

Wouldn't be a worry to me. . Dd is 11. Ds is 13 and don't mention my menstrual cycle to him at all either. .

Tormundsbrow · 14/07/2017 00:02

Who wants to think about their mams bloody vagina at 11??

OvariesForgotHerPassword · 14/07/2017 00:02

Personally I'm very open and will continue to be as DC grow up but some people aren't comfortable having those discussions with their kids, I don't think it's a sign of bad parenting, just a combination of personal preference and a reflection of society and the way we view "lady things" as a whole.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 14/07/2017 00:02

That does sound about right for an 11 year old boy!

Is it true that boys are about 2 years behind girls with regards to emotional development/maturity or is that just a load of tosh?

RainbowJack · 14/07/2017 00:03

YABU and dramatic.

Wanting to challenge her over it? Seriously? Mind your own business.

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2017 00:03

Meh!

I have 3 sons, aged 25yrs, 18yrs and 14yrs.

Eldest two have had plenty of girlfriends and completely doted on them when they're had period cramps etc.

Youngest came back from the park a few months ago and asked for a sanitary towel for his friend.

But at age 11, yes they probably would have said it was gross.

Louiselouie0890 · 14/07/2017 00:04

Why ate you concerned exactly. Just because it's not how you would do it doesn't mean it's something to be concerned about. I'm glad you didnt challenge you would have been out of order

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2017 00:05

Who wants to think about their mams bloody vagina at 11??

No idea why that actually did make me laugh out loud

True though.

Who wants to think about their mum's vagina at any stage in the month?

Thisarmingman · 14/07/2017 00:05

YABU. He obviously has some idea what she was buying as evidenced by his embarrassment. At six, seven or eight he would likely have took it in his stride but he's just hitting the pitch of awareness now where he feels uncomfortable talking about his mum's personal matters - kids get more boundaried as they hit puberty. Also tbh I don't think there really is a right age to talk to a dc (or anyone else) about chafing cream.

Orangebird69 · 14/07/2017 00:07

I'm a 42yo woman and I don't want to know about anyone's chafing cream . YABU.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/07/2017 00:08

You sound awfy high and mighty with your 'especially in 2017' comments. Looking for a reason to come on mumsnet and show how cool and open etc you are? Fyi, not your place to school the kid on something he was uncomfortable with, that's his parents' job; butt out.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/07/2017 00:09

As for concerned about her parenting, get a fucking grip. Jeezo!

LilyMcClellan · 14/07/2017 00:09

She probably has told him it's normal and nothing to be grossed out about, and yet like many 11-year-old boys, he has his own opinion, which she is amusedly humouring.

If a friend of mine started "challenging" me on a minor aspect of my parenting like this, I would treat her the same way as the 11-year-old, i.e. smile benignly at her and say, "Sure. Everyone has their own special ways, don't they?" while internally rolling my eyes.

Original poster

user1499629977 · 14/07/2017 00:10

all she actually said was "I need to pop to boots for some private things" literally no mention of what she was getting (I knew because I came in with her, he waited outside) and he was totally freaked out. I just thought it was a bit like woah ok, but I guess you're all right. He's only 11 and has every right to his own opinion on "lady things" but I was just surprised how she brushed it off like it wasn't normal to discuss it that's all

OP posts:

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/07/2017 00:11

But why are you concerned by her parenting?

Thisarmingman · 14/07/2017 00:13

"Fergus, darling, mummy's just going to get some cream to put on her chafed muff and then we'll have quinoa for tea before going over the intricacies of my menstrual cycle."

bramblina · 14/07/2017 00:14

What do you think his reaction would have been if she had announced she was off for a poo? Probably the same reaction, and at 11 I'm pretty sure he's a poo or two of his own so I don't think it's down to lack of knowledge or ignorance.

bramblina · 14/07/2017 00:15

I think the boy's reaction proves he does know about lady things. If he didn't, he would have had a confused or vacant reaction. He'll have had the same sex education as all the other lads in his class (provided mum didn't remove him from them) and therefore wouldn't expect there is anything to worry about that he may be missing. Every person has a different reaction to discussing these things at the age of puberty. Remember every single person has a different attitude to discussing personal issues but it is in no way an indication of their knowledge.

Rhubarbtart9 · 14/07/2017 00:16

Some parents are strange! Much better to be open then foster a climate of disgust and secrecy around ladies things

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2017 00:17

Snot is perfectly natural but I don't want to hear about people scooping out a sticky one.

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 14/07/2017 00:17

Oh come on. You can't be serious surely?!

I've taught SRE many times and this is completely normal for an 11 yo boy. Of course it's normal and he should know about it, but it doesn't mean he wants to chat to you and his mum about it! What's he going to say, anyway? Is he going to offer her advice on applicator or non? Recommend she gets a Mooncup, what?!

You sound very patronising. If you were my friend and that was my 11 yo I'd hand you a tampon shaped grip to clutch.

bramblina · 14/07/2017 00:18

OP, it isn't normal to discuss it. Esp in front of a friend- they could easily do this in the car on the way home and perhaps they did. If she had mentioned last night's sexual position and he'd have had the same reaction, would you have been as surprised that she didn't discuss that??

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 14/07/2017 00:18

Why not, Worra?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/07/2017 00:18

Again, why be concerned about her parenting? This thread is bonkers.

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