To be concerned about friends parenting

[user1499629977]

One of my close friends has an 11 yo DS and I met them both for coffee on Tuesday. She had to pop into boots to buy "lady things" as she called it.... (chafing cream & tampax) when she mentioned this to me, her DS covered his ears with his hands and starting going "lalalalala". When I asked him why he was doing that he said "I don't want to hear about lady things it's gross!" Which, whilst many 11 year olds may still be in the 'girls/boys are yucky' stage, I thought was quite concerning especially in 2017. I explained to him that these things are perfectly natural, normal things and not 'gross' as it's part of everyday life for women.

His mum then laughed and said "we don't talk about lady things in front of DS". I kept quiet because I didn't want to cause an argument but I really wish I had challenged her and asked why she wasn't teaching her son that this is nothing to be grossed out about? In this day and age it should be something we are normalising for children surely???

She isn't fussed and thinks it's normal behaviour for an 11yo, yeah maybe.... but I don't think she's doing her son any favours.

Maybe if he was 6,7,8 YO I could understand it a bit more but he's in secondary school now and must have had some sex education lessons at some point So must be aware of what happens with the female body? I'm so confused!

AIBU?

Hey! It's grosses me out sometimes and I'm a 27 year old fully grown menstruating woman

I am a bit (a lot) older than you.

I can only think that the OP has very light periods that last the allotted 3 days and never do anything that they shouldn't.

For those of us who don't, I can confirm that they are, indeed, gross, when they last days (well over a week at times) you leak everywhere, have to change the bedclothes, wash your PJs (and other clothes) etc etc.

What is chafing cream? I'm 47 and I have never heard of this!

At 6, or, 7 or 8 my boys were happy to talk about things like puberty, periods and sex (in an age appropriate way obv) with me.

Now at 9 and 11 they would clamp their hands over their ears in horror if i even tried.

It's a totally normal stage OP. No need for "concern".

My kids know about periods and have done for many years.

My kids never discuss it with me, nor do i tell them when I'm buying tampons.

Totally normal. It doesn't mean I'm a terrible parent or need concerned 'friends' sticking their beaks in or explaining things to my child for me.

Im 37, have been having periods for 28 years and still think they are gross

No 11 yrold child wants to know about chafeing cream im not sure what you are worried about sounds normal to me even in enlightened times of 2017 lalala is about right ime

Ds is 13 and not keen on convos about lady things and hates seeing me undressed! I'm quite happy to parade openly and to talk about periods so it hasn't come from me! I wouldn't not talk about buying tampons in front of him - I'd say 'I'm just popping into boots', and if he asked why I'd tell him but not make a song and dance about it 'some tampons and cream' would suffice and then he'd say 'ok mum' and that'd be the end of it.

ExplodedCloud you put it on your thighs to stop the chub rub.

One of my girls lalala' d till she was well over 11

I'm the OP of this thread and deleted my account in the hopes I could delete this thread and start a different one with a better choice of words. But I only made things worse so I made a new account. I was totally wrong to say I was "concerned" about her parenting, I was tired and didn't know what I was saying. She's a good mother, I just thought it was a bit 'out of date'? I was totally unreasonable and I do not have kids so I have no idea what it's like for them really, I was interested to get some more thoughts on what seemed 'normal' for that age. I've asked MN to delete the thread as I'm feeling very anxious about the negative comments, I'm honestly not that sort of person.. sorry for any offence caused :(

When I opened this thread I thought it would be about someone concerned about a childs wellbeing or a parent that couldn't cope.

OP keep your beak out, not wanting to talk or think his Mum's periods isn't going to harm this boy.

Oh and just to say - she never actually mentioned what she was buying in front of her son! She simply said "private things" and he was so weirded out. I only knew what she bought because I came in the shop with her. She never went into graphic details!

Minkyfluffster - I have literally just said my choice of words was poor and apologised

Yanon don't worry about it, in an ideal world, our children would be all cool and totally on board with our earnest discussions about bodies and periods. In real life, they find growing up anxiety making and the idea of various bodily secretions quite disgusting.

Don't get stressed over this, and don't let this thread enter your headspace at all again today, just let it go. It's not a big deal to any of us, have a lovely day.

It sound so silly but I'm freaking out a bit I feel like I've done something horrible and I never intended it to be that way. Can someone please help me get this thread off of here, I truly accept I was totally unreasonable my anxiety is getting the better of me. Maybe I shouldn't have had a glass of wine before I posted because the words I chose were so poor and I really do realise that now I don't want you all to think I'm a c**nt!

What did you actually expect her to do?

If he was just spontaneously putting his hands over his ears and going lalala I would say that was normal and no issue.

The idea that she is encouraging him to be grossed out by anything relating to women's bodies is odd.

Wow OP, if you are this judgy about your friends, can only guess how you judge people you don't know.

Take it you don't have a son!

Thank you wombling!

I want to know what chafing cream is!

OP you clearly don't have an 11 yr old boy. Puberty is underway, they are having to ride out changes to their bodies. It's a shit time.... something you've obviously forgotten.

My 17 yr old will happily go to the shop for 'lady' stuff for me or any other 'embarrassing' stuff. My 10 yr old I wouldn't ask yet.

Keep your shovel in your own garden.

Yanon just hide the thread and forget about it. We all make mistakes

Yanon you don't have to remove the thread, no-one knows who you are, just don't post on it again and just walk away. People on here will just read the OP and come in and give you another kick, they can't help it. I've got into silly arguments on threads and I just leave them half way through and never post again. What's the point in getting upset by something that really doesn't matter and no-one knows it's you.

Leave the computer, don't look again, and have a lovely day!

I don't talk about my lady things with my 11 year old DS either. What's wrong with that. It's private. Nothing to do with him.

I feel a bit stupid that I've reached my 40s without ever hearing of chafing cream.

he is 11. MYOB 🙄.

i might not be in the mood for MN today 😑

Op I will report it for you and see if it can be deletec you don't need to be anxous you had a thought and posted about your thought don't worry about it anymore.