To be concerned about friends parenting

[user1499629977]

One of my close friends has an 11 yo DS and I met them both for coffee on Tuesday. She had to pop into boots to buy "lady things" as she called it.... (chafing cream & tampax) when she mentioned this to me, her DS covered his ears with his hands and starting going "lalalalala". When I asked him why he was doing that he said "I don't want to hear about lady things it's gross!" Which, whilst many 11 year olds may still be in the 'girls/boys are yucky' stage, I thought was quite concerning especially in 2017. I explained to him that these things are perfectly natural, normal things and not 'gross' as it's part of everyday life for women.

His mum then laughed and said "we don't talk about lady things in front of DS". I kept quiet because I didn't want to cause an argument but I really wish I had challenged her and asked why she wasn't teaching her son that this is nothing to be grossed out about? In this day and age it should be something we are normalising for children surely???

She isn't fussed and thinks it's normal behaviour for an 11yo, yeah maybe.... but I don't think she's doing her son any favours.

Maybe if he was 6,7,8 YO I could understand it a bit more but he's in secondary school now and must have had some sex education lessons at some point So must be aware of what happens with the female body? I'm so confused!

AIBU?

[StarHeartDiamond]

Op has since clarified she doesn't have dcs herself and feels she was unreasonable to judge her friend and the Ds on this.

I think it's bourne of an assumption or example of the pc manner that seems to pervade every element of our society these days. Common sense is going out if the window. Of course an 11yo shouldn't have to be happily accepting of chat about menstruation and chafing etc, if he is then great but there shouldn't be judgement if he isn't, he'll be coming to terms with his own pre-pubescent body, which is enough to be going on with!

[2cats2many]

I also want to know what chafing cream is.

[Bumpsadaisie]

The lad is clearly uncomfortable thinking about it, as is normal for 11 year old boys.

To have launched into a very serious discussion about lady things with a child who was signalling he didn't want to think about it would be very inappropriate.

What will make that boy respectful and understanding of women (and indeed people generally) is people being respectful and understanding of him. Not people TELLING him about this, but actually modelling it.

YABVU, OP.

[Bumpsadaisie]

There is a line between making sure your children are informed about the facts of life and intruding on them.

So children need to know what sex is, what periods are, what women use (tampons/pads). However they do not need to know that mummy and daddy had sex last night or that mummy's period is an absolute b***d this month and she's worried its the perimenopause.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yabvvu. Mabey it reflects her own embarassment about talking to her ds about these items. Tbh not all 11 year old boys will be interested, mabey until they have girlfriends of their own. Also I would not want to tell people what private stuff I was getting, I don't want it broadcasting that I am getting tampons and chaffing creams, not everything should be out there. People are still allowed some privacy, especially when it concerns intimate areas of their body. Its the same as someone telling their friend their going to get pile cream.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Mabey her ds does not want to talk about tampons or san pro when he's about, he's allowed his own privacy and feelings respected!

[2littlemoos]

Schools provide education to introduce sex and periods etc. to both boys and girls but I think it's natural for boys not to want to hear about it and if I had a son I don't think I'd be so open about "I'm going to buy some tampons". As much as it is natutal it is still a private thing to me.

[unicornlovermother]

yabu Totally normal. I teach this age and they don't even like it when you mention giving birth in a science lesson. Most of them are grossed out and there is little you can do to change the reaction of teenage boys. The girls handle it all far more maturely of course.

[laurelstar]

What is chafing cream? Is it the same as lubricant??

[MrsPicklesonSmythe]

As the owner of an 11 year old boy I can honestly say I've never spoken to him about my periods, he has never asked and we will likely continue this happy arrangement forever. If any of my friends commented on that I'd tell them to piss off.

[minifingerz]

YABU totally normal, though my own boys (12 and 13) are not like this at all. They would be laughing about 'chafing gel' forever - please god they never hear that such a product exists.

[Crunchymum]

Thanks for the laff OP. Report your friend to SS for her awful parenting

[youaredeluded]

Wow. OK I think you are right actually. Mothers of boys really do need to take a bit or responsibility to why men are so fucked up generally about these sorts of things.

[Aeroflotgirl]

youaredeluded, don't be stupid. They are still growing up and learning about their own bodies. Fur the record, we were given a talk about periods at 11, before my period started, got some free tampons, which me and a couple of friends proceeded to fill with water and throw up the ceiling. You are looking at this from an adult womans PoV, not a child's!in time as they get towRd adulthood, they tend to be more mature.

[iklboo]

I could tell DS had had SRE lessons as, cuddling up one night he suddenly blurted out 'So, mum. Do you use tampons or towels'. Bit blunt over your crumpets but I told him I don't use either because I've got the contraceptive implant.

[dailyshite]

I'm a 44 year old woman and I've no idea what chafing cream is. I can only conclude that
a) it's a typo and OP meant shaving (although that's not 'lady' specific
b) I missed that lesson at school
c) OP would be horrified by my ignorance

But... WTF is chafing cream?

[dailyshite]

laurelstar - I'm glad i'm not the only one. Maybe we need dunce's hats?

[ittakes2]

Sorry but I think you are looking too much into it. It's a normal 11 year old boy response.
My 11 year old son has come into the toilets with me since he was a baby and understands about 'lady things' so doesn't call them gross - but other new puberty things he has learnt recently he refers to as gross.

[corythatwas]

If an 11yo boy has to be comfortable talking about chafing cream with his mother's middle-aged friend, would an 11yo girl have to be equally comfortable talking to her father's friend about the state of his foreskin?

[Chamonix1]

Who wants to think about their mams bloody vagina at 11??

Who wants to talk about their mams vagina, at all?

[Zjmlove]

My 8 year old son knows about periods. He was a bit at first but isn't phased.

May be different when he's 11!

[corythatwas]

There is a big difference between knowing about periods in general and wanting to think about the physicality of your mother and her middle-aged friends.

[BluebellsareBlue]

Chafing cream people come on? I buy it to rub on the inside of my thunderous thighs as when it's warm they rub together and it becomes very sore. I don't think it's intended for genital areas and doubt the woman involved was buying it for her genitals.

[tamaramcnamara]

At age 11, many boys think anything to do with girls is "yucky." It is a phase they will grow out of . What I find ridiculous is adult males who make a fuss about buying sanpro for their wives, girlfriends or daughters. I have known a couple of men like that and I think they need to grow up