To be concerned about friends parenting

[user1499629977]

One of my close friends has an 11 yo DS and I met them both for coffee on Tuesday. She had to pop into boots to buy "lady things" as she called it.... (chafing cream & tampax) when she mentioned this to me, her DS covered his ears with his hands and starting going "lalalalala". When I asked him why he was doing that he said "I don't want to hear about lady things it's gross!" Which, whilst many 11 year olds may still be in the 'girls/boys are yucky' stage, I thought was quite concerning especially in 2017. I explained to him that these things are perfectly natural, normal things and not 'gross' as it's part of everyday life for women.

His mum then laughed and said "we don't talk about lady things in front of DS". I kept quiet because I didn't want to cause an argument but I really wish I had challenged her and asked why she wasn't teaching her son that this is nothing to be grossed out about? In this day and age it should be something we are normalising for children surely???

She isn't fussed and thinks it's normal behaviour for an 11yo, yeah maybe.... but I don't think she's doing her son any favours.

Maybe if he was 6,7,8 YO I could understand it a bit more but he's in secondary school now and must have had some sex education lessons at some point So must be aware of what happens with the female body? I'm so confused!

AIBU?

I would be objecting to the term "lady things". Maybe this 11 year old objects to this particular twee euphemism. I could sympathise with that.

By the way, neither of my sons would have cared or noticed if I mentioned tampax, though they would have taken the piss out of me if I had said "lady things".

Sounds normal for an 11 year old boy. Get your beak out!

fuck off back to Boots and get some grips
Nice one

If that is the worst of her parenting crimes she isn't doing too badly. Intrigued about how your 11yr old ds reacts as I would have thought her son's reaction was fairly normal.

Concerned about her parenting? Do get over yourself ffs

It's only going to get worse. Soon pretty much everything she does will embarrass him.

"Oh mother! It's no fun, menstruating, is it? Put your feet up and let me get a hot water bottle for those cramps. Are you clotting?"

Said no 11 year old, ever.

Most 11 year old boys would be the same!

I honestly have no idea why anyone would need to discuss this with their son (or daughter for that matter).

You drag your kids round the shops with you, buying what you need in each one. Why would you feel the need to announce it before you go in ?

An 11 year old boy doesn't need to think about his mother's need for sanitary protection or chafing cream ffs. It's completely irrelevant to his life. Some people really do want to take performance parenting to the extreme .

My 11 year old DS would be the same.

Oh actually, now I've read what she actually said, my DS would have loudly wanted to know just what I meant by 'private things' just in case it was something he was missing out on. And then when I explained he would have been disgusted.

How do you know she was buying tampons and chafing cream specifically if she only said she was going for "lady things"?

Also even when shopping with a close friend I don't think I'd say "just popping to Boots for chafing cream and tampons" out loud.

@PsammeadPaintedTheLion

LOL!!!

What has this got to do with you?
She isn;t a bad mum, you should have laughed and forgot it, not write on here as if she did something wrong.

This is the sort of thing an 11 year old boy would do,not sure why you find it strange.

How is this a parenting issue??? Some people are squeamish and I suspect ALL 11 year old boys are especially squeamish when it comes to their mothers' bodily functions. It has no bearing on how he will view women's bodies as an adult.

I opened this thread thinking you were going to say that your friend left their 2 year old at home alone and fed them McDonald's three times a day.

Instead, the 'concern' is that your friend doesn't talk to her 11yr old about Tampax.

Have you met an 11 year old boy?

Completely normal!

An 11 year old boy being grossed out by the thought of periods and tampons isn't a sign of bad parenting!

Hey! It's grosses me out sometimes and I'm a 27 year old fully grown menstruating woman 😂

I still do that when my mum talks about 'Lady things' don't care about other women but there's something about my mum saying it that makes me feel a bit ick hahahaha

Educating children about this stuff is important, but it is part of a long and ongoing dialogue at a pace that suits the child's maturity level.

You're absolutely not unreasonable to make the point that the pernicious inherent silent conditioning involved in the avoidance of normalising womens bodily functions is a bad thing and itstarts by using twee euphemisms about menstruation.

You are unreasonable to be calling your friends parenting into account. Its not her parenting that's the issue but her own victorian attitude to her body by making a big thing of 'private things' this isnt normalising. Just go to the chemist buy what you need in the same normal way as buying hair dye or socks

It sound totally normal to me. I talk to my seven year old lots about puberty and period etc because I know I need to get the information in now because when he's eleven he will be just like the boy in the OP.

One of my 11 year old GIRLS is like this, she puts her hands over her ears and sings lalala when we get onto topics she feels unsure or doesn't like or finds a bit embarrassing (menstruation/buying sanitary products/squeezing spots). I do talk with her about them lots, to try to get her used to them and she is getting better. She doesn't want to grow up. It's a funny age!