To be concerned about friends parenting

[user1499629977]

One of my close friends has an 11 yo DS and I met them both for coffee on Tuesday. She had to pop into boots to buy "lady things" as she called it.... (chafing cream & tampax) when she mentioned this to me, her DS covered his ears with his hands and starting going "lalalalala". When I asked him why he was doing that he said "I don't want to hear about lady things it's gross!" Which, whilst many 11 year olds may still be in the 'girls/boys are yucky' stage, I thought was quite concerning especially in 2017. I explained to him that these things are perfectly natural, normal things and not 'gross' as it's part of everyday life for women.

His mum then laughed and said "we don't talk about lady things in front of DS". I kept quiet because I didn't want to cause an argument but I really wish I had challenged her and asked why she wasn't teaching her son that this is nothing to be grossed out about? In this day and age it should be something we are normalising for children surely???

She isn't fussed and thinks it's normal behaviour for an 11yo, yeah maybe.... but I don't think she's doing her son any favours.

Maybe if he was 6,7,8 YO I could understand it a bit more but he's in secondary school now and must have had some sex education lessons at some point So must be aware of what happens with the female body? I'm so confused!

AIBU?

I don't get this thread, when I opened it I expected something really bad...but come on....seriously?

Maybe she's tried to talk about women's bodies with him and he just isn't at the stage where he wants to discuss.

She could have said she was off to boots for a mascara if she was that inhibited.

I wouldn't be concerned! My ds is nearly 10 and although he knows the facts of life and "lady things" I really wouldn't feel the need to shove it down his throat (that sounds wrong but you know what I mean )

Pretty typical for an 11 year old boy, I would think!

Well now you come to mention it Cats

I was working in a very dusty area last week and by 5pm, I could have wallpapered an entire house with the sticky stuff I scooped out

Total confusion has set in here tbh..... Do you think the 11 year old should know or not know about normal female workings??

Worra - you just made me spit out my (decaf, as it's late) tea - I'm amazed it didn't come out of my nose

11 year old boys, do not, on any level, desire to know about the workings of their Mother's fanny.

I would be more concerned if they did.

thisarmingman

I'm with Worra on this, pooh is normal, snot is normal, it;s all normal. I don't want to talk about it over coffee.

I don't think an 11 year old boy needs to know about 'chafing cream & tampax'. It's an artificial situation to create. Who says in front of their 11 year old "I need to go to Boots for chafing cream & tampax." Why not just say "I need to go to Boots"

There is nothing remotely embarrassing to me about tampons, even though I don't need to use them anymore. I once almost took one out of my bag thinking it was a cigar (in my cigar smoking teenage years!) but really who needs to discuss it!

The la la lad thing is over the top but I am guessing your presence at the table OP may have had something to do with it. I be a lot of 11 year olds would be embarrassed to discuss chafing cream & tampax with their mum's friend.

It's not normal to discuss it's a normal bodily function that we shouldn't be embarrassed about, it doesn't mean I want to talk about it over coffee & buns, not now, not as a grown woman but definitely not as an 11 year old boy!!

Concerned about friends parenting oh do be a dear and fuck off back to Boots to see if they sell grips, you badly need to get one

Boys reaction is not ideal. And it has the seeds of the manager form the thread about the woman who got called out on her periods at work. But the boy is 11, his immature reaction is at least as likely to have been learned from school and your friend's response of just not talking about it in front of him one of minimizing the "big dealness" of the subject, than it is that she is encouraging him to think it's all "yucky".

I was giving my partner a verbal shopping list the other day, with my 12 year old DS in the room, and said tampons and DS immediately said "yuck". It's completely normal for a child that age not to want to know about their mothers periods. You need to get a grip

thisarming

Maybe he's ok about it but doesn't want to be involved with his mum chatting about "private" things in public. That would be fairly normal for 11 IMO/E.

Ye gods, he's only 11, you ABU in my book. Leave the lad alone and stop with the unwarranted criticism of his poor mum.

I am very open and matter of fact with my kids bit the older 2 girls hate talking about anything remotely embarrassing with me. I get told off if I mention anything, especially period related in front of Dad.
I don't know where it comes from. Sounds typical 11 year old boy to me.

I think one should be encouraging boys not to overreact to talk about this kind of thing (tampons etc.) IN GENERAL.

However, this was about stuff for the mother to purchase and use, right? I think most of us don't want to think about our mothers' vaginas etc.--even us daughters! It's just a child-parent thing.

Yabu.

Why is your friend's parenting in question?

He was probably embarrassed because you were there, his mum has probably told him in the way for coffee as she needs tampons. As he knows what "lady's things" are, he's obviously been told/seen tampons as he knows what they are.
What do you mean he was outside the shop "freaking out"? Do you mean his Adam mentioned lady's things, he put his hands over his ears, said la la la, YOU then started to patronise him by telling him body functions are normal (not your place imho), he's further embarrassed that you are doing this,then you went into the shop with your friend, couldn't see him but suggest he's freaking out. Was he hyperventilating when you went out? If he was freaking out do you think it was sensible to leave him alone outside a shop?
YABVU to criticise her parenting skills . Do you have an 11 yo DS?

*Adam = DM

I asked DD for her reaction if I had started discussing my need for tampons and chafing cream with a friend over coffee in Starbucks and she informed me 'I'd think you had gone barking mad' so I think the 11 year old's reaction was quite restrained tbh.

This being Mumsnet I just know I'm going to regret asking this, but what is chafing cream? Is it like lube? I'm scared to Google or I'll be getting weird ads for the next week on Amazon and DH will be disconcerted.

*This
*
Chafed muff 😂😂😂😂😂

He's 11. Plenty of time for him to mature, he will, after all, grow up hopefully!

I'm not quite sure why the leap to 'concerned about parenting' though. That's ramping up the drama somewhat isn't it?! And for why?

I don't want to know about chafing cream and I'm 56.

I also would not want to hear about others chafed muffs! 'and after quinoa for dinner Fergus darling, Mummy's going to get rodgered so hard she'll need a special cream for the afterburn...'

I wouldn't have wanted to hear about my mum's tampons and chafing cream at 11! 😝