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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about friends parenting

149 replies

user1499629977 · 13/07/2017 23:59

One of my close friends has an 11 yo DS and I met them both for coffee on Tuesday. She had to pop into boots to buy "lady things" as she called it.... (chafing cream & tampax) when she mentioned this to me, her DS covered his ears with his hands and starting going "lalalalala". When I asked him why he was doing that he said "I don't want to hear about lady things it's gross!" Which, whilst many 11 year olds may still be in the 'girls/boys are yucky' stage, I thought was quite concerning especially in 2017. I explained to him that these things are perfectly natural, normal things and not 'gross' as it's part of everyday life for women.

His mum then laughed and said "we don't talk about lady things in front of DS". I kept quiet because I didn't want to cause an argument but I really wish I had challenged her and asked why she wasn't teaching her son that this is nothing to be grossed out about? In this day and age it should be something we are normalising for children surely???

She isn't fussed and thinks it's normal behaviour for an 11yo, yeah maybe.... but I don't think she's doing her son any favours.

Maybe if he was 6,7,8 YO I could understand it a bit more but he's in secondary school now and must have had some sex education lessons at some point So must be aware of what happens with the female body? I'm so confused!

AIBU?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 14/07/2017 09:08

People on here will just read the OP and come in and give you another kick

People don't tend to name change half way through a thread tbf.

OP just hide the thread and move on, it's nothing to get anxious about. You really didn't need to bin off your other name. Nobody is going to hunt you down or recognise you or anything Confused

RiverTam · 14/07/2017 09:14

I love how it's apparently so important to allow 11 year old boys to fine periods gross. I wonder how many girls, who feel they need to hide away the fact that they have a period so they don't get all the 'uuurrrgghhhhhh, gross' comments from the boys, feel the same way. Way to go to make girls feel ashamed of their periods.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 14/07/2017 09:20

I've read this thread with this look Hmm on my face..

My kids are 3 and 6, and have witnessed me changing my menstrual cup/pad/tampon (not forced - but if they will follow me into the bathroom for a chat they're going to see what goes on there) - after establishing that I wasn't hurt, they carried right on with their conversation. I've explained what's going on (although the 3 year old probably hasn't retained that) - why wouldn't I?

Why on earth would I need to shelter them from it? It's how human beings work.

BarbarianMum · 14/07/2017 09:23

Spaghetti give yourself a big pat on the back. And remember that things change.

StickThatInYourPipe · 14/07/2017 09:24

spagettiandmeatballs wait until they are older and you will understand. An 11 year old boy who has just started learning about sex Ed etc will not want to be discussing periods with his mum

gamerchick · 14/07/2017 09:25

3 and 6 is not 11. It may pay to be mindful of that when they are going through puberty.... Because they won't want to witness you changing your mooncup then.

StickThatInYourPipe · 14/07/2017 09:26

Because they won't want to witness you changing your mooncup then something I never thought I would read

MrsJayy · 14/07/2017 09:31

Well done spaghetti for raising your children so well and hopefully by the time they are 11 you will be talking about chafeing cream and periods in a coffee shop. oh wait they will be like every other 11 yrold and think yuck mum shush

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 14/07/2017 09:32

spagettiandmeatballs wait until they are older and you will understand. An 11 year old boy who has just started learning about sex Ed etc will not want to be discussing periods with his mum

But we weren't discussing it - they were concerned that I was OK, but otherwise, not fussed, no discussing at all since they've established what was happening. It's just blood. It's just the sloughing of cells from where the egg wasn't fertilised - I would really hope that my kids keep this practical vision of it rather than getting weird about it.

It would be like trying to hide from my kids that I poo or blow my nose - we all do it, sure, they'll probably avoid seeing it when older (just like I avoid walking in on them in the toilet), but it's no big deal, it's not disgusting, it's not something to be hidden and never spoken of!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 14/07/2017 09:34

Nobody said you had to shelter kids from anything but what they did say was that if an 11 year old boy is uncomfortable talking about anything related to his mother's period then there is no cause for anyone to concerned about the mothers parenting skills because of that

BroomstickOfLove · 14/07/2017 09:38

As kids go go through puberty they have a perfectly normal developmental stage of being really sensitive about their own changing bodies, and about other people's bodies, and they tend to find their parents excruciatingly embarrassing. Not every child goes through this phase, in the same way that they don't all have tantrums and take their clothes off at the slightest opportunity when they are toddlers, but it's so common as to be unremarkable.

BroomstickOfLove · 14/07/2017 09:39

And don't worry, OP. You phrased something badly, but we all do that sometimes, and it's not a big deal.

ghostyslovesheets · 14/07/2017 09:40

lol yes my girls have never had anything hidden from them - yet oddly at the age of 13 and 15 neither wants to discuss my fanny over coffee - odd that

although the eldest did make me inspect one of her pads the other day - which was nice

SkintAsASkintThing · 14/07/2017 09:40

You've got too much time on your hands.

MrsJayy · 14/07/2017 09:47

Dd at 3 raced after me in tescos mummy mummy MUM MY you forgot your lady nappies, Dd at 11 i need bodyform. See the difference spaghetti

Rhubarbtart9 · 14/07/2017 09:49

I can't see the problem with being factual. It seems more effort to be secretive

ConstanceCraving · 14/07/2017 09:51

Over dramatic title of the year or what!

Underthemoonlight · 14/07/2017 10:07

WTF is op for real

Oblomov17 · 14/07/2017 10:08

11-13 year old boys don't want to talk about these things. Many I know don't. You are being extremely judgemental. And what you think is rubbish. Not true. Hashtag, just saying!!

Wondermoomin · 14/07/2017 10:35

Of course YABVU. And if you were to be concerned and challenge me over "my parenting" on the basis of my not insisting that my 11yo son discuss periods without squeamishness, I don't think we'd get along very well as friends. Confused

TheFirstMrsDV · 14/07/2017 10:46

Kids have the right to not want to be involved with their mother's menstruation too spaghetti
So when your very young kids get older its fine for them to think your biological processes are yucky

TheFirstMrsDV · 14/07/2017 10:50

Yanon honestly...its fine.
Don't feel freaked out.
This thread is not important and its not worth worrying about.

Its not like real life. No one really cares that much. Its just easy to type out replies and MN is somewhere most of us come when we can't be arsed to do anything else.

I once unwittingly started a MN V NM war over a baby name.
I was pretty mortified but I am still here about 10 years on Grin

verystressedmum · 14/07/2017 11:40

I wouldn't be too amused if you thought it was necessary to give my ds a life lesson in menstruation outside Boots, it's none of your bloody business.

Sounds like he knows exactly about these 'private lady things' or he wouldn't have reacted like that.

Do you honestly expect her to announce that she's going into Boots to buy chafing cream and sanitary towels.
This is a bit mad.

JustMumNowNotMe · 14/07/2017 11:44

Hands down, the most ridiculous thread I've read all week! 😂😂

VilootShesCute · 14/07/2017 11:44

My 10yr old ds would have had the same reaction despite me talking openly about anything and everything.