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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aaaargh! DS Holiday refusnik crisis ...

136 replies

UsedtobeFeckless · 13/07/2017 23:44

We're going away with my cousin and her family in a few weeks, we do this every year - the kids get on, the adults get on, it's a nice week off in the wilds.

DS (16) has just announced he doesn't want to go because he's going to miss his mate's going-off-to-uni barbeque (mate has a car, uni is an hour away, mate lives in the village, both on skype etc, term doesn't start until October) Should l insist he comes with us or leave him behind and disappoint cousins ( not entirely happy about leaving him on his own for a week and a half ) Woe!

OP posts:
Ilovecoleslaw · 13/07/2017 23:46

He's 16, i think he's old enough to be able to choose what he wants to do

Crispbutty · 13/07/2017 23:48

At 16, a party with his mates ranks way above family holidays. If you trust him to respect his/your home while you are away, let him make his own choice

mohuzivajehi · 13/07/2017 23:50

How old are the cousins nearest in age to DS?
How far would it be for DS to travel to and from holiday location the day before and after the bbq?

At the age of 17 I had a dramatic refusal to join a family holiday because of some social event that coincided with the day that travel had been planned. I went to the thing and them got myself to the south coast of Spain or wherever it was to join up with the family, without too much problem.

DelphiniumBlue · 13/07/2017 23:52

Is there any way he could do both? He sounds quite independent, could he go to the party and then make his way to the holiday? Or vice versa.
Assuming that you would be happy for him to be at home by himself and that he won't turn your house into party central!

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 13/07/2017 23:59

It's an eight hour drive plus ferry from where we live - going home for the party wouldn't really be an option. I'm not entirely happy about leaving him on his own for a week and a half. We're 6 miles from the nearest shop. There's no adults around and we're too far away to be much good if he has a problem. I'm annoyed at the last minute-ness of it all as well, to be honest ...

OP posts:
Branleuse · 14/07/2017 00:01

No way on earth would I leave my 16 year old by themselves for a week

rightwhine · 14/07/2017 00:06

Nope not a cats hells chance of leaving a 16 year old alone for more than maybe a night - and I'd be worried about parties then.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/07/2017 00:07

Could he possibly stay at his mate's house for the week?

wellhonestly · 14/07/2017 00:18

Ooer, I wouldn't leave my 16-year-old DS2 in the house alone! Not because of parties but because I would worry he would mess the place up, break things etc. Your 16-year-old may be more capable.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 14/07/2017 00:20

My parents left me at home for a week at this age. I had a fucking amazing party Grin no damage was done, and I'm still really happy they didn't force me to Euro camp in France. Blergh

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 14/07/2017 00:25

The mate is female and older than him - hence immenant departure for uni - her parents wouldn't be keen, l suspect. I think he has a yen for her and has been friend-zoned, to be honest. Cousins are both boys and a year older and a year younger. They usually get on fine. If he'd said at the planning stage he didn't want to come l could have planned round it but it's a bit late now. Bugger.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 14/07/2017 00:29

I would not leave a 6 year old on their own for a week. No.

Suggest he takes her out for a nice meal (you pay) before the holiday. And/or suggest a 'party'/bba whatever to welcome her back at half term/spring break or whatever.

Either of these would be far more special for your boy than a bbq where he will have to fight for her attention. Also, if she is off to Uni and he is 16 does he really think anything is going to happen!

Italiangreyhound · 14/07/2017 00:29

16 year old!

Goodasgoldilox · 14/07/2017 00:37

I wouldn't leave a 16 year old alone in a house for that long. He might be perfectly sensible ... but he has friends and they have friends...

I know too many 16 year olds to think this a safe idea! They are often very responsible and often mean well but they can still be very impulsive in ways that adults usually aren't.

This might be coloured a little by the experience of living next door to a teen weekend party without adults that started with small fire in the kitchen and ended with an accidental falling through a glass door - much panic -blood spurting everywhere (even the ceilings needed repainting) neighbours police and ambulances were all called in.

It was talk of the neighbourhood for years - until another neighbour managed to turn her car upside down when parking in her own drive. Her sons fetched everyone over to see - before helping her out.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 14/07/2017 00:41

My parents sent me to my aunt's rather than risk leaving me alone at home at 17! I've seen too many parties -gone-wrong to risk it, I think, OP! There WILL be major sulking, however.....happy holidays!!!!!

CiderwithBuda · 14/07/2017 00:45

No chance. He is 16 so if mate is uni age they are older and going off to uni parties must surely be next t till September or so?

Lynnm63 · 14/07/2017 00:48

Depends on the 16 yr old imo. My eldest I would, in fact he looked after his siblings at 17 for a few days. He is 17 going on 40 though! If you make him go on holiday he will sulk and possibly spoil everyone else's holiday.

ScarletForYa · 14/07/2017 00:51

He'll trash the house, don't do it.

Judydreamsofhorses · 14/07/2017 01:00

I refused family holidays after I turned 16 (actually refused Florida because I was "too grown up" and my brother was "a baby" at five years younger) but my parents arranged for me to stay with a friend until I turned 18. Would that be an option? We still had keys to my house, but because we were "so grown up" we arranged and hosted an actual dinner party there instead of a party-party. I hate my younger self so much.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/07/2017 01:06

Without local help then no I wouldnt leave him. I doubt he would trash the house, but he would be very bored and very pissed off.

If he has been friend-zoned then there is a good chance he will witness her getting off with someone else and feel like shit as a result. Older girls are almost never interested in younger boys so his dreams of copping off with her at the party will end in bitter disappointment.

Insist he comes on the holiday, but ask DH to have a chat with him about it all.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/07/2017 01:10

Judy

Hate to say it but your younger self sounds almost as much of a dick as my younger self was! I did a dinner party at 16 too ..ffs Hmm!

CoughLaughFart · 14/07/2017 01:14

He could theoretically leave home at 16. I stayed at home whilst my parents went away at 17 (after much protesting from my mother) and was fine. To be fair though, where you live sounds a lot more isolated; I can see how that makes it a tougher decision.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/07/2017 01:17

What has him being able to leave home at 16 got to do with it?

Genuinely cant see the point that you are trying to make with that comment.

NikiBabe · 14/07/2017 01:19

I wouldn't let him stay to go to a female friends party when he likes her and she isnt interested in him.

He's 16 he comes and that's it.

UntilTheCowsComeHome · 14/07/2017 01:20

I wasn't allowed to go on holiday with my parents at 16 as it would've cost adult prices. I was left behind on my own while everyone else had a great time in Lanzarote.

I didn't have a party but wish I bloody had done.