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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aaaargh! DS Holiday refusnik crisis ...

136 replies

UsedtobeFeckless · 13/07/2017 23:44

We're going away with my cousin and her family in a few weeks, we do this every year - the kids get on, the adults get on, it's a nice week off in the wilds.

DS (16) has just announced he doesn't want to go because he's going to miss his mate's going-off-to-uni barbeque (mate has a car, uni is an hour away, mate lives in the village, both on skype etc, term doesn't start until October) Should l insist he comes with us or leave him behind and disappoint cousins ( not entirely happy about leaving him on his own for a week and a half ) Woe!

OP posts:
DeadGood · 14/07/2017 17:42

" If he'd said at the planning stage he didn't want to come l could have planned round it but it's a bit late now."

Could you have? What would you have done differently?

Not saying I'd leave him home nevessarily, but it just sounds like the last minute-ness of it is a red herring.

As is the "friend has a car and they can Skype". It's the party he wants to attend. He doesn't want to miss out. I doubt he thinks he will never see his friend again.

Crumbs1 · 14/07/2017 17:46

I wouldn't be leaving a sixteen year old home alone for that length of time when I was so far away.

Purplepicnic · 14/07/2017 17:46

There must be a way he can do both. Join you on holiday later, or leave early. Flight? Public transport? Near as possible to your destination and you drive the rest and pick him up?

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 14/07/2017 18:16

Without wanting to get too specific it's a small Scottish island. There's one ferry a day if the weather's good, and then it would be an overnight train changing at Glasgow and crossing London to another station before he arrived at the nearest town to us and walked/taxied the six miles home. It would cost about £200 all told. He's never travelled on his own further than the bus to town. With the best will in the world l think he'd struggle a bit.
The party is in the middle of the holiday so going late/leaving early isn't really an option. He normally loves the whole wild swimming/cycling/sleeping round the camp fire stuff the kids get up to - it's just this sodding party that's soured the deal.

If l'd known he didn't want to come at the planning stage l would have arranged for his elder brother to be around to keep an eye on him and top them up with milk and whatnot ( He's away at the same time ) and l'd have let the cousins know so they could invite another friend to hang out with.

We've had a chat and he seems to be resigned to missing the party. I've offered to invite his little gang to a big barbeque we're having before we go and he seemed quite keen on that idea.

I've left him for the weekend before and it was fine - it's just the circumstances surrounding this one that l don't like.

OP posts:
DeadGood · 14/07/2017 18:39

THanks for your reply OP.

Sounds like it's worked out, and might be useful as a basis for discussions for future holiday planning too.

gingergenius · 14/07/2017 18:56

Usedtobe - looks like you've stuck a great compromise - maybe you should be in charge of Brexit!!? Grin

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 14/07/2017 19:04

Eeep! Not so much the great negotiator, more we're all a bit pathetic and hate arguing! Grin

I think this might be the last year all the kids come along anyway but l'll definitely be more careful about the planning next time ...

Thanks for all the suggestions!

OP posts:
gingergenius · 14/07/2017 19:09

Usedtobe - meh? who likes arguing? But seriously - good compromise - have the same dilemma myself so will take a leaf from your book! Hope it all works out xx

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 14/07/2017 19:31

Dunno - l've met a few people who seem to relish a good row ... l used to work with one. She was totally "My way or the highway" and used to repeat verbatim particularly satisfying arguments she'd had in the past ... Hmm

OP posts:
grannytomine · 14/07/2017 19:56

UsedtobeFeckless I used to know someone who spent her life having rows. She hated housework and she told me that she got the house straight by picking a row with her husband, they were both volatile, and when it got really heated he would slam out of the house and go to the pub and the adrenaline rush would mean she did the house from top to bottom in a couple of hours. I pictured her flying round like Super Woman.

gingergenius · 14/07/2017 20:03

Grannytomine I SOOOO wish I could do that! I'm all a little bit Cathy and Heathcliffe but I can see I need to up my game. Or get a cleaner.
To be fair, I used to be like this but now I'm too tired and prefer to watch GOT reruns!!! 🍾

grannytomine · 14/07/2017 20:48

There's more important stuff than an immaculate house. I've never seen GOT so not sure if it is but sounds like it might be. Houses have no gratitude, they just get dirty and untidy again and expect you to sort it all out over and over again.

gingergenius · 14/07/2017 20:56

Hell yes grannytomine. I love your philosophy on house cleaning! I'll settle for a box-set binge watch over a bonkers bitch-fest any day! Cheers and happy Friday!!!! Xx

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 14/07/2017 20:57

GoT gets the vote over hoovering every time. We're currently mainlining season six in preperation for next week ... Grin

OP posts:
gingergenius · 15/07/2017 08:30

Ooh me too @UsedtobeFeckless! Can't wait til Monday!

grannytomine · 15/07/2017 09:20

Maybe I need to try it, alot to catch up on though.

Dawnedlightly · 15/07/2017 09:23

What a good result. Hope you all have a great summer. Flowers

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 15/07/2017 09:36

Thanks Dawned l hope it all works out!

Ginger Winter is here! Swords! Dragons! Closure! Hurrah! Grin

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 15/07/2017 10:11

Good compromise OP.

SoupDragon · 15/07/2017 10:27

Glad you've sorted it out :)

MrsPringles · 15/07/2017 11:46

My DSD is 16 and no way would I leave her on her own whilst we went away.

Nooooo, I can just imagine the disaster zone we would come home to now Confused

MrsR31 · 15/07/2017 17:50

At 17 my parents started to leave me in the house alone whilst they went abroad. At 16 you're generally starting to tire of family holidays, can you compromise? Allow him to stay, but have him stay with a relative? Or have a relative look in on him each day/night?

toosexyforyahshirt · 15/07/2017 18:16

He's 16, i think he's old enough to be able to choose what he wants to do

No he isn't, because he's 16. He doesn't get to choose to stay home for a week while everyone else goes on holiday.

SherbrookeFosterer · 15/07/2017 18:19

Ask his cousins to "plead" with him to come, as the holiday won't be the same without him.

It might work.

Middleagedmumoftwo · 15/07/2017 19:20

I left mine at home for a night or two at that age but I wouldn't have considered a week. Those saying he will be miserable for the holiday...I doubt it. Once he's there and having a great time with his cousins he will be fine.