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Original poster

To be angry about this 'non' wedding?

282 replies

Shufflebumnessie · 13/07/2017 14:53

My sister announced last year that she was getting married and the wedding would take place in the US (where she's lived for 10 years). We declined the invite as it was too expensive, sister kicks up a fuss and my parents kindly offered to pay for our flights in order to keep the peace.
Fast forward to now & the wedding is taking place in a few weeks - flights/hotels/car hire/parking etc are all paid for and it's cost us a small fortune even without the flights. Once we arrive in the US we have an 8 hour drive from the airport to where they live as it's pretty remote, which will take us 2 days as we'll have DS (5) & DD (5 months) with us & need plenty of stops etc. We then have 5 nights in the area they live followed by a repeat of the 8 hour drive to get back to the airport.
After the initial reluctance we were actually looking forward to it, especially the wedding. A few days ago, whilst mooching on Facebook, I saw some photos that my sister had been tagged in....on her wedding day!!! It turns out that they decided to get married on a whim (although still managed to invite a few friends and the grooms parents - who live a couple of hours drive from them). They've now decided the 'event' in August is a casual family get-together!!! Originally we were told there was a pre- wedding dinner, now that's become take -out pizza in the back yard and the actual 'wedding' (apparently there will still be a ceremony of some sort) is taking place in the back yard and everyone is expected to contribute some sort of food. When questioned about all this she just pretty much shrugged it off and said it will be a good opportunity for the family to get together - the only other family going are my parents and we see them all the time!! We also see my sister on a semi-regular basis as she comes to the UK for business a few times a year.

So now we're travelling thousands of miles with a young baby to attend a 'non' wedding, which is costing us a lot of money, is a logistical nightmare and now we have to take our own bloody food!! Am I justified in being absolutely fuming? I really wish we'd just declined my parents offer to pay and stuck with original plan of not going. We looked into cancelling but would have lost way too much money. Sorry for the long post I just needed to rant!

OP posts:
Norfolkgirl1 · 14/07/2017 18:15

delancy

  • do you have children? Have you ever flown with children? Have you ever driven on a long journey with a young baby who is breast fed? Have you ever travelled with a young child who wants to run around and play but can't because they are on a long flight or stuck on a long car journey? Have you ever travelled with two young children on a flight and realised that you can't sleep because either your children don't sleep on flights or you are unable to sleep because you are responsible for those children? Have you ever been stumped for cash maybe because you are on maternity leave or are a full time Mum? Despite all those thoughts the OP and her parents made the effort to go to the wedding. The parents paid for the flights and their own.
    The sister got married without telling them, knowing the arrangements had been made and they found out via Facebook. Sister will be going away instead of spending time with her family. I find it hard to take umbrage with the OP. Do you really think the moral high ground is awarded to the sister?
Passenger42 · 14/07/2017 18:18

I haven't read all the posts so apologies if this has already been suggested but as she has been so rude, could you say you cannot attend last minute with an excuse but travel to America for your own private holiday which wouldn't involve 8 hour trips and find a lovely resort closer to your American airport. Go there and enjoy a private holiday and send your apologies..

jkpw · 14/07/2017 18:28

Uh, that is pretty shitty. To MrsTerryPratchett, you are the sister? I get where you are coming from, but it's still shit, especially to your own family. They have two small kids. It's very hard to travel in the same country with two kids under 5, let alone to another country. They have to pack for themselves, their five year old, and a baby. For being so small, babies sure do need a lot of shit. Then on top of going through customs/security, they have to endure the flight to the US going BACKWARDS with the time change, which is going to screw those poor kids sleeping and eating patterns to hell. THEN, after that exhausting flight, they have to get their bags (hopefully they all made it), go through the process of getting the rental car, and then drive an ADDITIONAL EIGHT HOURS to get to you. With two small kids, that could possibly take up to two days, seeing as how the five year old will have to go to the bathroom constantly, and the five MONTH old having to eat pretty frequently, and babies can take upwards of 30 minute feed times every two to three hours. Plus dealing with the drastically different driving laws between the UK and US. They put in the effort, albeit not super enthusiastically at first, and TONS of money for this very special occasion, and are now told it's basically a pizza party and a backyard potluck?? Thanks, but no thanks. If I were your sister I'd say screw you and not make the additional 8-hour trek, just stay in the town where they are flying into. That was pretty crappy of you.

Sparklyglitter · 14/07/2017 18:34

Sorry I think the bride sounds completly entitled! When we got married there were two things that were paramount in our minds! One was to have the day and wedding we wanted and the other was to act as good hosts to our families and friends! Why the hell would you make someone come all that way just for a potluck supper!! Unless of course this was what had been agreed! And if she wasn't expecting the Brisitish crew to bring food, surely she would have said that! I'd really be tempted to stay closer to where you land and go and have a lovely family holiday. How about saying that when they are over in the UK next you will have them and your parents over for dinner and make a special evening for them! That sounds much more fun! Xxx

Delancy · 14/07/2017 18:42

Norfolkgirl1
Yes to all of those I'm afraid.

Excuse me for not jumping on the bandwagon and slating the sister like everyone else has. (How does that help, anyhow? Only causes further destruction from what I can see.)

I'm actually trying to help the OP understand her sister and their relationship.

LogicalPsycho · 14/07/2017 18:43

Fuck that!! Shock

Your DSis truly must have delusions of grandeur, if she thinks people should spend thousands of pounds, take a transatlantic flight and then drive 8 hours, for the privilege of eating pizza in her back fucking garden.

OP, for most people (me included!) a family holiday to the US is a rare luxury trip that only can only happen with great saving and advance planning.
Do you really want to spend that time in the USA stuck in some rural back of beyond town, feeling resentful that you aren't doing anything you'd like because you all jumped to her ridiculous tune?

Most transatlantic companies will change the destination airport for a small fee.
I would make this shitty situation into a positive one, by changing your trip to a place there you'd actually like to visit, and have a lovely holiday with DH and your DCs.

LogicalPsycho · 14/07/2017 18:50

Also, I probaby wouldn't even tell her I'm not coming over for pizza at all, just head off on my holiday with DH.
Let her realise you won't be coming when she sees you're in New York on Facebook Wink.
What's good for the goose...

CloseEyesAndThinkOfAThaiBeach · 14/07/2017 18:52

I used to live overseas and I never expected anyone to spend money to come out and see me. If they did I made sure they paid for nothing whilst there.

Now I am back in the UK I get asked to go and visit family who live overseas and they get uppity if I don't. Well, I don't want to go. I have a list of places I want to see with my DC and DH and I am not spending that money on visiting family overseas and sleeping on a blow up mattress. I don't have loads of money and I don't want to spend it on flights to places I have no interest in.

RidingWindhorses · 14/07/2017 18:52

Yes I would just have a holiday somewhere within reasonable distance of the airport.

Or not bother. The money's spent now, you either go and have a shit time or stay here and save yourself the hassle (and further expense).

My dad once refused a lift from a friend from London to Yorkshire solely because he had already bought his train ticket and didn't want to waste the money.

compstruck · 14/07/2017 18:57

What a brilliant idea!

nocampinghere · 14/07/2017 18:57

where are you flying to?
i bet we can find you a great holiday within an 8 hour drive.

tell your "d"sis to come and see you on your holiday

Lallypop · 14/07/2017 19:08

I'm going to agree with Delancy to a certain extent. I don't agree the sister should have rearranged the wedding, that was terrible.
But she should make an effort in general to visit her sister, I doubt very much she's even been to visit once. I have a 4yo, 2yo & 9 month old. We are braving the plane in 2 weeks time to visit family. Are we dreading it, yes, is it going to be a nightmare, yes. But this is what we do for family. On the financial side of things, I would have found the money, it's important to share the day as a family. Many will disagree with that statement but that is my personal view. My family are comfortable but we don't have spare cash for luxuries, but some way some how I would have gone.

morningconstitutional2017 · 14/07/2017 19:13

How very thoughtless of your sister. Perhaps you could tell her that you won't be visiting her 'on a whim' and see how she likes that.

BossaDad · 14/07/2017 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 14/07/2017 19:16

Can I suggest as a wedding gift you get her an Oxfam goat 🐐

TheNoseyProject · 14/07/2017 19:39

Your sister has been awlful. 'I was going to email' what a crock! You do not put photos on Facebook before telling your own family. There is no excuse for her behaviour at all. I feel for your parents the most.

TheNoseyProject · 14/07/2017 19:40

And Also email? Email? Announce your wedding your parents were meant to be at to them by email? Fuck.Ing.Hell. That is some ice-cold shit.

altiara · 14/07/2017 19:48

lallypop you haven't read all of the OPs posts, she has been out to see her sister, can't remember the number of times but not to this specific area they're now in. And was planning on visiting next year I think when they'd saved up and baby was bigger.

Fl0ellafunbags · 14/07/2017 19:56

Piwi1625

Did you know your sister was planning to marry in London but drag you over to Thailand anyway?

Writermom22 · 14/07/2017 19:58

How rude that she kicks off because you said no, then goes ahead and has a quickie wedding on the sly anyway! I would be tempted to suffer the loss and not go, especially with children so young.

Wow2806 · 14/07/2017 19:59

Sorry I have a ridiculous sister as well... Who likes to think the world revolves around her
Personally I would have to tell her to fuck off to the far side of fuck of and when she got there fuck right off some more
I would be dexparetly also trying to somewhere else within a couple of hours drive for you all..

So at the very least your parents can come join you and have family time.. And sweep her crazyness under the rug where it bloody well belongs

Isadorabubble · 14/07/2017 20:02

Problem is, by the time you get there with the hassle of all the travel you're going to be so p*ssed off that it's likely to end in a huge row. I think you should definitely try to have a discussion with your sister about it to see each other's points of view before (if) you go to try and alleviate any tensions.

MsJudgemental · 14/07/2017 20:05

Where are you flying to? Where does your sister live?

Has the OP answered this yet?

Willow2017 · 14/07/2017 20:14

Basically you are flying all that way, spending 2 more days travelling just for a bbq that you are expected to buy food for and then wave your sis off on honeymoon leaving you and your parents to get on with it yourselves.

I would be moving heaven and earth to rearrange flights to somewhere else and having a holiday with your parents. And telling her ODFOD. What a selfish, self absorbed pair. I can't believe people would do that to family who are prepared to go halfway round the world for thier wedding.

Make 2019 a super hol for you and dh with the money you would have been saving to visit her.

RadioGaGoo · 14/07/2017 20:14

Lallypop You need to read. She did get the money to visit, her father paid.