Good advice from Sunnyjac about not showing him the thread and seeking help.
I agree with JustDontGetItAtAll I think your post Balaboo was very insensitive.
embarrassednamechanged "He made a brief comment like "really?!" and huffed about it at the time when he realised I'd been crying." That doesn't sound at all sympathetic.
"I've avoided talking about it since as I know there's no point, he'd get humpy about it so I haven't really given him the chance to be fair." So would you say that this inability to discuss things, which are important to you , is part of your marriage?
"He's not a talker and it would just result in a week of sulking if I tried so I've avoided it." My husband is also not a talker but he has never sulked for a week or even a day. It's normal to do that even if you are a quiet or shy or introvert person.
"We never really have sex much as I avoid it so he does pester a bit sometimes but I do understand that as it is hard not having sex, that is my fault (not giving excuses or self blaming)." Is there a reason you do not feel like sex much, I mean before this appalling incident when he forced himself on you. You do not need to answer this at all, but if you wish to answer, please do. I
"I find I'm never interested so find excuses not to. He never kisses me which I find hard too (though don't want him to now)." It sounds like your marriage is not in a very healthy shape quite aside from this assault. I also wonder why you don't want him to know how you feel. It sounds like you are more interested in his feelings than your own. Do you think that is true? Please do not feel I am getting at you, at all, I am not. I am just concerned you seem to put his feelings and his perception of the relationship ahead of your needs.
"I know it's not a good picture I'm painting but he's not a bad man. I do think he used to watch a lot of porn and his vision of sex is a bit based on that, not sure if he does now but that doesn't bother me really." I think he is not a good man, for all the reasons you describe. And I find porn watching very damaging for all concerned. I also think it is interesting you are not that bothered if he does or doesn't watch porn, and don't even know if he does. It sounds like you are quite distanced from him so I do wonder why you are staying with him, even aside from this assault.
"I promise to do my very best to be proactive." I wish you all the best, please keep talking if it helps.
kateandme don't worry about grammar your post is brilliant and I think full of insight.
OP, re "Instincts are swinging between leave and bury my head in the sand!" Make a list, reasons to stay, reasons to go. I bet your reasons to go list us way longer, be honest, just do it and tell us which list is longer.
xx 