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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you smoke, can I ask why?

184 replies

KrayKray00 · 11/07/2017 20:18

I am currently standing in the rain having a cigarette.

I quit for 4 years and was never a heavy smoker. But I have found myself wondering and waiting to have my next "fag".

It started about three weeks ago when I started getting my youngest to sleep in his cot after 2 years of co-sleeping. After about an hour I of getting him to sleep I would then go outside and have a cigerett once he had finally dropped off. Almost like 5 minutes peace and chill out. My children don't know I smoke as I never do it in front of them but I smell, I know I smell horrid, I hate It.

Before if I had been on a night out drinking I could smoke and it wouldn't bother me the next day or whatever it would just be for that night but I have now found myself unable to stop.

Once the children have gone to school or Nursery's I go out for one, if I am a at uni or work I long for one. I have had 6 today and will probably have another one later on.

I am rather fit and go to the gym 5-6 times a week and I even want one when I come out! I have noticed my throat is sore when I wake up too.

I don't feel well I ke I have have been smoking long enough to seek help from the GP and I do not like vaping. But when I do smoke I get like a break is that makes sense? I feel so disgusted in myself and feel like I have let myself down. It doesn't bother me if other people smoke at all but I feel terrible.

If you smoke can I ask you why? Is it habit? Addiction? A release? I want to quit before I get into a deep hole but do not know what to replace it with?!

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 12/07/2017 15:38

Pall mall- i smoke menthol but i think all pall malls are 7.50. Most shops and supermarkets.

redshoeblueshoe · 12/07/2017 15:48

thanks, I gave up a while ago, but rather stressed at the moment. £9 was in one-stop. I'll just try a different one

user1492023898 · 12/07/2017 16:15

Yes, all quotes lifted from the Carr book.

As it happens, an independent study also showed that smokers using this method were 6 rimes more likely to be abstinent, assessed after 13 months, compared to similar smokers in the general population.

I would argue that if you understand how smoking works, it's actually very hard to carry on.

Effendi · 12/07/2017 16:42

Started when I was 16. I'm 48 now.
Back then, 20 Benson's was £1.52. Can't believe how much they cost now.
I live abroad, my fags are €3.90 a pack. Pall Mall Menthol.

I've tried many times to stop. The usual stuff from the chemist, Allen Carr (shite) hypnosis, drugs, cold turkey, vaping. I have failed miserably.

3 days my arse. Last time I managed 5 months. I put on a stone and was a miserable bitch the whole time. So much so that I went to my Dr for some anti'ds. I was that bad.
Stopping turned me into a mobster, like the worst PMT every.single. day.

I read somewhere that nicotine is more addictive than heroine. When I started again, the weight fell off and my mood lifted massively. I don't smoke indoors but have a long commute so do smoke in my car.

My husband is one of those smug reformed smokers who gave up 'just like that'. Twat.

I wish there was an easy, foolproof, no side effects way to do it.

Samsungtsss · 12/07/2017 16:48

I miss smoking. I love love love smoking. I just quit one day but forever seems to be waiting for the day I will have one. I know I will just don't know when.

Effendi · 12/07/2017 16:49
  • monster obvs.
user1492023898 · 12/07/2017 16:49

@effendi

Why do you think you have failed though?

sevensisters7242 · 12/07/2017 16:53

You don't "enjoy smoking". What you "enjoy" is the relief of the withdrawal symptoms from nicotine. It doesn't "relax" you; it's a stimulant.

ghostyslovesheets · 12/07/2017 16:56

I smoked for 20 years - what worked for me was Champix - it made me feel so sick when I smoked I stopped within 3 days - 9 years ago

I have had 2 attempts at a drunk drag on a mates fag since and both made me feel vile - I just can't imagine it now

But it is so hard to just stop - I think non smokers can't comprehend what it's like

I have decided to start again at 85 - because I did always enjoy it!

Polter · 12/07/2017 16:57

Addiction isn't that simple though, and it's not just the nicotine in tobacco that people crave and come to need.

Effendi I felt exactly the same until I got decent vaping kit and was in a good place ready to switch. Psychologically I didn't see vaping as 'giving up smoking' more as smoking differently (healthier, cleaner!) which I think helped as psychological addiction can be more compelling than physiological.

ghostyslovesheets · 12/07/2017 16:58

and I really DID enjoy it - the pause, the chance to chill out, the break from work/kids the taste, all of it

woollyminded · 12/07/2017 16:58

@effendi Brilliant 'turned me into a mobster' leave it, totally appropriate description Grin

Polter · 12/07/2017 16:58

And I really did love smoking, the rituals, the pause, the physical act of smoking was wonderful.

SongforSal · 12/07/2017 17:08

People smoke because of Cognitive Dissonance. We may understand and hold certain beliefs, but we will often do the contrary. Same for any addiction.

I smoke roll-ups. Was a social smoker, started to become a habit when the Dc's were smaller. Hiding in the garden after bed time type of thing. I am now, however addicted. And thoroughly pissed of with this flaw. I would love to be a non-smoker.

SongforSal · 12/07/2017 17:19

I should add. My Nan quit her 40 a day habit when she was in her 70's. She's 93 now. There may be hope for me....

Effendi · 12/07/2017 17:29

I don't know why I have failed. I have tried really hard. Pls don't give me any smuggery user
I keep toying with vaping again. We have vape shops here.
Yeah mobster is probably about right. I could have killed someone!

RebelRogue · 12/07/2017 17:39

I tried a stop smoking clinic years ago. The woman,as lovely as she was, she just didn't get it. I have a very deep psychological addiction. Patches,gum etc did nothing for me. It wasn't the same. I missed the ritual of it all,the taste of a fag, the "release" of the first drag. Just getting the nicotine wasn't enough.

I did my best to explain but she didn't understand and her stock replies of "just do a puzzle,take up knitting" just made me want a fag even more.

One day she was telling me about her daughter having cervical cancer , and how she was sure it's because her husband smoked when she was pregnant with her daughter. I never went back.

alltouchedout · 12/07/2017 18:01

I would argue that if you understand how smoking works, it's actually very hard to carry on.
Please don't. I am really, really glad- and envious- that the Allen Carr method works for you and so many others. Honestly I wish it worked for all of us. But it doesn't. I know how smoking works. I understand addiction, I used to work in addiction services. There is no right way, there is only the way that works for you.

alltouchedout · 12/07/2017 18:03

@wollyminded I think it will only be when I crack vaping that I stop smoking. I need to get a new kit and start again, I think I'll try your way and not forbid myself tobacco entirely at first.

MaMisled · 12/07/2017 18:04

I'm 50 and smoke 15 roll ups a day.......outside.

This thread has done more for me than any"quitting" related thing that I've ever read.

My vape is on charge. Thankyou all.

woollyminded · 12/07/2017 18:40

@alltouchedout Why not, nothing to lose shrugs in a Tony Soprano mobster fashion

Polter · 12/07/2017 19:25

Those of you who want to try vaping, get yourselves over to the stop smoking board and get some help and support so you get the right set up for you.

PencilsInSpace · 12/07/2017 20:42

I started when I was 12. I'd just moved house and schools, from the countryside to a very well heeled town and all the girls in my year seemed about 4 years older than me. I was incredibly socially awkward and lonely and here was a way of making friends. Smoking comes with all sorts of mini-rituals, there's always something to do with your hands. It makes it easy to initiate conversations - 'got a light?', 'want a light?' 'want a fag?' (you don't hear that one so much these days because it's so expensive!) and of course you're in a little 'gang' and it made me feel a bit more grown up. I also found the effects of nicotine helped. It made me feel a bit calmer, a bit more confident, a bit more focused.

By the time I was 15 I was completely hooked. I skipped lunch to spend the money on fags, I stole fags, I stole money to buy fags. When I started work I went up to 20 a day and stayed there for over 3 decades.

Over the years I tried cold turkey, gum, patches, lozenges, hypnotherapy, acupuncture, Allen Carr, NHS services, several quite strange self help books, crystal fucking healing ... I didn't try Champix because I have a history of MH issues.

The only thing that has worked for me is vaping. This October it'll be 4 years since I quit. Not smoking for 4 years hasn't happened since I was a child. TBH, I barely managed 4 months in all that time.

I think the reasons vaping works for me is that all the things I got from smoking are still there. There's loads of little rituals, something to do with your hands, conversation starters, nicotine.

I've got no intention of giving up nicotine now I've found a way to take it that's not going to cause serious harm. I work better on nicotine like I work better on caffeine Smile

I hate it when people slag off other methods of quitting than the one that worked for them, or imply their method is the only way. Everyone's different and people have a multitude of reasons for smoking. We need all the methods and no single one is right for everybody. We need enough methods that smokers still have another thing to try so they keep trying. Sometimes it doesn't matter what method you use it's just a matter of trying something when your head happens to be in the right place. I could say a lot about Allen Carr but I don't tend to because I recognise it does work for a lot of people.

Quitting is incredibly tough for lots of people. Just because you found it easy, doesn't mean everybody does. Just because your relative did it, it doesn't follow that 'if she can, everybody can'. People smoke their legs off and their teeth out and their lungs up. Half of long term smokers smoke themselves to death.

Smoking tends to run in families so probably most of us have lost someone or have someone close who is very unwell. Non-smokers trying to shock us with grave tales of their relatives' untimely and painful deaths - it doesn't work because this isn't unusual for smokers and ex smokers. This is a fairly normal way for our relatives to die.

isupposeitsverynice · 12/07/2017 21:17

Yes Pencils very true - my nan died of lung cancer, but her leg was amputated a short time before she died. I had my first attempt at giving up when I heard about that, and my next first cigarette at her funeral Hmm by the time my other nan died of lung cancer a few years later, I'd utterly given up giving up. I did manage to stop for several months last year, and funnily enough, it was really easy when it came down to it, I just didn't want to smoke so I didn't. I slipped back into it for "stress relief" and now I'm finding it really difficult to get my head around the idea of stopping again. I think it will come. I hope so, I've got a dreadful cough at the moment. In the meantime though, I do really enjoy it. And like others I started in order to look cool - and particularly to looker tougher than I was, I think.

RibenaMonsoon · 12/07/2017 21:22

Started at 15. Ashamed to say peer pressure. I wasnt very popular at school and was desperate to feel wanted.

Unfortunately i love smoking. So haven't quit. I stopped while i was pregnant with DS and sadly took it back up again when he was 3 months old as he started teething early and the amount of sleepless nights really got to me. Something had to give.

Wasnt difficult to quit while i was pregnant as i was so sick all the time. Couldnt stand the smell of cigarettes. Or soap, or tuna...or anything really...