Aibu for getting annoyed with random old women (in the main) getting up in my baby's grill?

[FindingNormal]

I hate it. Baby was prem so is small. Everywhere I go strangers stick their face in the pram and make comments, usually along the lines of "oh what a tiny baby" some try to touch her and then I get asked how old blah blah. Today I was at the doctors - I was crying (having a bad day) and an old woman came up and asked if she could see my baby. I mean seriously - I had tears down my face and clearly had my fuck off shields up and yet she still couldn't help herself from intruding. I find it so weird- I'd never go up to someone I didn't know and comment on their baby particularly if they looked upset. Is it me?

This shouldn't have been posted in AIBU. If you don't want people to say YABU go on another thread.
You're obviously going through a tough time, and I hope that you are getting the support that you need.
But I think it's a shame that so many posters believe that people should keep their distance and that the woman was just being nosy. If I was in that situation, I would be engaging about the baby to try and cheer you up. (But I would never touch someones baby). there seems to be a re-occurring thread on MN about how old woman should know their place instead of (horror) talking to strangers. Don't forget, one day all of you will be old women as well.
Way way back in the thread, bertrandrussell posted about why the post came across as ageist, which I totally agree with.

Wow, note to self, never post in AIBU without being prepared for a load of abuse.

YANBU for not wanting people to touch your tiny baby.

I think a lot of people in this thread would benefit from checking Urban Dictionary before posting.

Lucy when have I protested about being called unreasonable? I've accepted completely that many people think I am. And it was a genuine question - I wanted to know if most people felt uncomfortable with people commenting on their babies or if I was unusual.... so nerd

I'm with you OP. Mine were premature too and the hospital advice was to ask people not to touch them, due to the infection risk (premature babies tend to have weaker lungs, so even a cold virus can make them very poorly). I am sick and tired of random people poking their hands into the pram without asking. People who want to stop and chat - fine.

I think they're just trying to be nice...I do the same with people's dogs

No idea why you're getting such a hard time
OP. If someone came up to me while I was obviously upset and asked to see my baby I'd be annoyed too. And I also don't think you're being U to be a bit protective over your baby, especially given they were prem. I'm an introvert and I'm dreading people wanting to coo over my baby all the time. Of course they mean no harm and I certainly won't be rude to anyone but that doesn't mean I'll enjoy it all the time. If you're an introvert and you're feeling overwhelmed, the last thing you want is strangers talking to you.

I haven't read the thread (lost patience with it when posters started being abusive) - I've just skimmed through to read your posts OP, so apologies if this has already been said.

Do try to be kindly / friendly with old people - many are very lonely and are looking for social interactions at the doctors / the supermarket/ wherever they can find it..... They could be widowed with no local family and few friends (most of my parents friends have died off ).

I do agree that the old lady you mention was a tad insensitive approaching you to see the baby when you were clearly upset though. I hope that your day picks up and gets better

AIBU is usually quite cunty, but it's been particularly cunty of late.

The very cunty ones are usually user2938239 posters too. Hm.

My DD was tiny and we had months of "help" with midwives and hospital appointments. She had failure to thrive in her red book. I was massively over protective and loathed people looking at her because I was worried that they would comment on her lack of weight - everyone likes big bouncing babies don't they? So I think I get where you are coming from (apologies if I have misinterpreted your meaning).

However from another point of view my dad is now alone (mum died nearly four years ago) and he lives in the middle of nowhere and he freely admits that he'll go to the supermarket/dog walking looking for a bit of a chat. Some people are just looking for a bit of interaction and what could be lovelier than admiring a baby. Also their social skills might be a bit under used so they won't always pitch it right. Just bear it in mind.

Note to old girls who sometimes would like to talk to one other human every ten days or so:
Never approach people with babies or children,They are their 'own little family' and need their space and are very busy and hate you for being still on the planet ,being a nuisance.

Now if you ask nicely, dog people and dogs are fab. and allow all sorts of getting up grills.

When I read the thread title, I thought auto correct had put grill in, as I'd never heard of the term.
I have two kids who were teenagers in the 90s and another who is 25. But I don't watch popular tv shows, reality, soaps etc.
I have to say, referring to a baby's face as a grill, doesn't sound very nice though.

I also have no idea what mb is.

OP - YNBU, if you're a reserved person just wanting to get on with your day It’s exhausting to keep being asked questions however well meaning. I’m not comparing it like for like but when we went to collect our kitten people were continually trying to peer in to the carrycase and ask us questions. We were so stressed out about it as was the kitten, we’re private people who don’t want a lot of attention and that was just a cat! People mean well but YNBU to not want attention when you are trying to get on with your day with a small baby.

I'm with you op, ynbu. I hope today is easier for you. It's probably not best advice to put such a small baby in a sling, and in my experience it doesn't stop people [older women only actually] from tugging at it to see the baby- and if they're lucky my tits too, because I haven't always put them away!

I'm a bit torn on this one really - on the one hand, people (especially older people) like babies, they're just being friendly and mean you no harm. Also, I think some women (especially on Mumsnet) have a habit of complaining about attention that they actually secretly really like (see the types of women who complain about 'always being told I'm too skinny' or 'always being asked when my due date is'). On the other I think pregnant women/women with babies shouldn't have to put up with constant comments on their bodies and their appearance and their baby's appearance.

However, OP, it isn't normal for an adult to sit and cry in public just because they've had a bad day. You don't sound like you're ok. Did you speak to the GP about it?

gotthemoononastick wish I'd seen your advice nefore yesterday when I noticed a toddler in a highchair staring at me and smiled. His eyes followed me from the counter when I walked near his highchair to get a napkin. Think I smiled again or might have even said hello and laughed a bit at this point. His mum looked up well just at my midriff, without meeting my eyes, I said 'he's been watching me, it's so cute.' 'Sorry,' says she, 'he's always staring at people.' I then heard her telling him to 'stop staring at people all the time.' hmm. I'm sure she had me down as a nosy old lady (I'm 54), but in my workd it would have been. Ignorant and rude to ignore that child and treat him as though he doesn't exist.
This has no bearing on the op's situation but what you said about people wanting to be in their own vaccuum-sealed unit (and previous comments about old ladies) really struck me. Makes me sad actually.

Should have said I was in Starbucks!

I sympathise, OP, including with the "up in my grill" -- I used to say that all the time (semi ironically, I told myself...).

I am quite a private person and the suddenly becoming public property when pregnant and now with DD has been interesting. People just start talking to you and yes, sometimes you are not in the mood.

YANBU to feel this way, certainly. But I always try to be nice to the people who do it (if they are nice to me...) even if afterwards I wander off muttering under my breath...

*Note to old girls who sometimes would like to talk to one other human every ten days or so:
Never approach people with babies or children,They are their 'own little family' and need their space and are very busy and hate you for being still on the planet ,being a nuisance.

Now if you ask nicely, dog people and dogs are fab. and allow all sorts of getting up grills*

That's just stupid.

Rewind selecta! (nod to the '90s).

OP, I'm with you. In your first post I noticed you mentioned the fact that people comment on how tiny your baby is and I can completely understand why that would be annoying and/or upsetting if you had a premature baby.

I didn't mind people interacting with either of mine when they were babies but I was on the bus when a woman took it upon herself to reach into DD's buggy and try to rearrange her as she was "sitting awkwardly" which riled me.

I absolutely hated 'advice' from strangers.

I assume I am one of these 'random old women' of which you speak as I am in my sixties and I love looking at babies.
However I do try not to get into people's faces and I do look out for cues.

I also knew exactly what the OP meant by the expression 'getting up in my baby's grill' so we're clearly not all doddery and out of touch.

And yes I do find those sorts of generalisations offensive and ageist.

I said 'he's been watching me, it's so cute.' 'Sorry,' says she, 'he's always staring at people.' I then heard her telling him to 'stop staring at people all the time.

And that's really sad. That's how babies learn.

I think it's dreadful how isolated we are getting and how so many people prefer it that way.

I have cried in the doctors waiting room before and I just wanted everyone to ignore me and pretend I wasn't there. I was terribly depressed, and pregnant, and it was an awful time for me. I hope you're OK, I can't believe this has been glossed over and you're being abused over an expression.

Days when the whole world wants to chat to you about your baby (who you're desperate to get home and feed) are kind of annoying. I know that they are being nice but women with small babies sometimes seem to become public exhibits! It's hard when you're very private. People being interested in little babies isn't unreasonable, but nor is wanting to be left alone. Chin up, OP

Decaffstilltastesweird Are you done? Did that rant make you feel better?

You can get off your soapbox now.

My post didn't mention your name and was not directed at you. So I have no idea what your blabbering on about. I did not mention an anti-feminist agenda.
You have completely misunderstood what I was saying rainbow.
Eh, I don't even think I read your post. There were plenty of YWBU posts on page 1.

What this thread did remind me of is when men tell women to smile (which I agree isn't right) there is massive MN outrage but when women overstep boundaries in this case it's seen as OP is a terrible person to be anything but grateful that someone paid her/her baby attention. And hoping it's PND, seriously!!?