Aibu for getting annoyed with random old women (in the main) getting up in my baby's grill?

[FindingNormal]

I hate it. Baby was prem so is small. Everywhere I go strangers stick their face in the pram and make comments, usually along the lines of "oh what a tiny baby" some try to touch her and then I get asked how old blah blah. Today I was at the doctors - I was crying (having a bad day) and an old woman came up and asked if she could see my baby. I mean seriously - I had tears down my face and clearly had my fuck off shields up and yet she still couldn't help herself from intruding. I find it so weird- I'd never go up to someone I didn't know and comment on their baby particularly if they looked upset. Is it me?

sometimes MN comes across as so dystopean. Don't look at my baby. Don't talk to me. Don't talk to a distressed woman, just ignore her. If you're old, piss off . What a miserable world view.

daisychain I just don't get describing a baby or child as sexy. It's just horrible and makes me wince. And I've noticed when I take DGD to the park etc that sometimes another parent/nanny/GP etc will make a comment about their DS/DGS etc wanting to be DGDs 'boyfriend!' No, he might want to play on the same bit of equipment or have a go on her scooter, but boyfriend - just stop. They're barely 2 years old ffs.

sometimes MN comes across as so dystopean. Don't look at my baby. Don't talk to me. Don't talk to a distressed woman, just ignore her. If you're old, piss off . What a miserable world view
How about if you see a woman in distress either leave her be or acknowledge her rather than just asking to peer at her baby

What's a baby's "grill"?

How about if you see a woman in distress either leave her be or acknowledge her rather than just asking to peer at her baby
How about starting from the assumption that, in general, people (even old women) are doing their best. It makes life a lot easier than assuming the opposite.

It used to annoy me, as dd would often cry when people got too close. One day in the supermarket though, I heard an elderly man talking to his wife as they walked away, after cooing over dd...he said "it makes your day doesn't it". It changed the way I felt about it. Many elderly people are isolated and lonely and don't see their own families often.

Wandering face / space
Lucy so despite being in tears and this being an insensitive approach OP should suck it up because her feelings matter less?

YANBU! I've been in a similar situation, crying in the GPs, crying at hospital and people just want to do what they want, they don't seem to care that they're invading privacy or getting in your personal space. I find it appalling and I would not be afraid to tell someone that I don't want them near me.

mommagee in that situation I'd say 'I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk'. And that's it. I might find it irritating but so what? What's scary on this thread is the amount of people with such a large amount of negativity. As a society, we're royally fucked if we can't step outside our own skin to recognise other people.

Lucy you say you might find it irritating and would tell someone you didn't want to talk. Well that's just what I did. At no point have I said I was rude or unpleasant to this woman. She said can I look at your baby- I replied " please don't" and she walked away. The aibu was about being annoyed not being rude to kind old women who are just looking for social interaction (if you take the generous view that that is what she was doing and I'm still sceptical about that)

Aibu for getting annoyed with random old women (in the main) getting up in my baby's grill?
It's your thread title that's offensive. You were having a bad day and this woman was being insensitive.
However as a 58 year old I will take my cue from this and many other threads. I will show no interest in other people's babies.

derxa, I get that.

I'm 33 and probably won't bother talking to new mums or showing an interest anymore either.

Too many "HOW DARE YOU BREATH ON MY CHILD. YOU ARE INVADING MY PERSONAL SPACE" people around, based on mumsnet; not you lovely OP and not just this thread either tbh. I have seen it a lot on MN. People are so intolerant and don't seem to have the big girl pants to say no irl so come on here ranting about how terribly out of line "old women" are. At least the op said something irl and has been very reasonable in the face of some horrible comments.

I think it is a shame that people get so possessive and unfriendly- however OP sounds stressed and in need of support.

It's not about being unfriendly it's about wanting to go about your day without unnecessary interaction from random people. I personally have zero interest in having conversations with strangers above talking to shop assistants or thanking people for holding a door. I'm sorry if all the lonely old ladies are disappointed by this but I prefer to keep to myself. Maybe it comes from working in customer service for many years where I've developed a slight intolerance to the general public at large...

Intend to not approach strangers on the whole as I'm not really a social kind of person. However, being pregnant I have found myself gazing at people's newborns feeling rather broody... If I catch the mother's eye I smile. You can tell instantly if someone is receptive to that or not and whether someone is approachable or not. I wouldn't approach a stranger who is clearly upset in that way. If I was very close to her (for example sat a couple of chairs away) I would offer a tissue but that's it!
That was a private and vulnerable moment for the OP for whatever reason and I would have felt like I was invading it.
When my baby comes I'd like to think that when out and about I will talk to people who approach him but I won't be happy if people start touching him! To me that is a huge faux pas!

If you changed "old ladies" for "young ladies" inyour above post 16, I wonder if you'd react differently to them. I'm sure you'll say you wouldn't, but I do think there is a lot of subconscious ageism around this.

Some of my favourite women are a lot older than me, but I know a lot of people my age, (not you necessarily - I don't know you), can't be arsed with anyone over a certain age. It's very telling actually and makes me think they are incredibly shallow and ignorant (the people my age I mean).

I haven't read all replies but I get where your coming from op. My friend had a baby at 28 weeks spent 2 months in hospital very touch and go. When they brought him home they wasn't aloud to take him out for a couple of weeks, then when they did they had what everyone else does with babies. People looking in. People stroking their faces etc. Now to me that wouldn't bother me but my babies were both born full term and healthy so I wasn't worried. My friend however was very paranoid about germs etc and that he would get poorly again and that took her quite a long time to get over.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. Try to be polite and just say he was prem so I get protective and smile.

@Decaffstilltastesweird I can say with complete conviction that people of all ages can piss off and leave me alone in public feel free to tell me how horrible I am and I must have some serious issues in my life, but I am an introvert and I don't wish to be approached by anybody unless it's very important. The old ladies reference in my last post was in relation to people complaining that old folk are lonely so apparently need to harass people in public.

No I don't think you're horrible or have issues 16. I feel like that too some days. I have one acquaintance who is exactly like you too. She hates anyone talking to her, unless she knows them quite well and even then it's hit and miss. Actually, she might have the odd issue but meh, we're all different.

At least you know it's your personality quirk and not that a legion of elderly women are determined to... to... what is it? Drain your child's life force by breathing in their youth? Or whatever it is people think "old women" want from their babies .

When I'm feeling a bit antisocial, I accept it's usually my problem.

Sorry to keep this rumbling in. I never meant to imply that it was only older women who I didn't really like intruding on us. It does apply to everyone but just that in my experience it does seem to be mostly old women (and I'm sorry I can't qualify what I class as old) who want to look at/touch/talk to us. Hence the (in the main) in my original post. However I do get that my op didn't really phrase this well- I was grumpy and stressed and tired!! I do also get that the way I phrased it might reveal some unconscious bias- it's certainly not conscious anyway. We'll all hopefully be old one day and as is evident from my use of "up in my baby's grill" I'm no spring chicken

And I have fewer friends and relatives around than my social butterfly nonagenarian granny, so I don't always buy the "they need to do it because they're lonely" argument either tbh. I wouldn't make that generalisation. A lot of older people I see out and about keep to themselves as much as any other age group.

I bloody love "up in my baby's grill". I'm going to go out of my way to say "up in my grill" today .

I just had to look you up on you previous posts decaff to check if you're my cousin! I too have a nonagenarian granny with a much better social life than mine.

finding. It's a bit shaming isn't it! She never stops. I think she has a visitor or out for a meal every day. If I go out for something other than toddler activities or to the midwife, it's a seriously momentous occasion.

But you're definitely not my cousin on that side. Unless you've had two children on the sly .