Aibu for getting annoyed with random old women (in the main) getting up in my baby's grill?

[FindingNormal]

I hate it. Baby was prem so is small. Everywhere I go strangers stick their face in the pram and make comments, usually along the lines of "oh what a tiny baby" some try to touch her and then I get asked how old blah blah. Today I was at the doctors - I was crying (having a bad day) and an old woman came up and asked if she could see my baby. I mean seriously - I had tears down my face and clearly had my fuck off shields up and yet she still couldn't help herself from intruding. I find it so weird- I'd never go up to someone I didn't know and comment on their baby particularly if they looked upset. Is it me?

YANBU OP.

I had a 28 weeker who was 4lb on leaving hospital. I used to bark 'don't touch' when anyone's hand reached out.

I didn't give a shit. They weren't the ones sat next to an incubator. I'm happy to chat but cough or try and touch my baby and I'll snap.

1st your child does not have a grill....it doesn't even have teeth.
2ndly it sounds like your in a dark place and projecting your mood onto quite ordinary day to day interactions.

I don't understand why anyone would touch anyone else's baby without asking the mother first. When DD was tiny, and old ladies used to coo over her none of them tried to handle her or touch her at all.

Old people seem to take such pleasure out of seeing newborns, and I was happy that seeing my daughter made their day. (And when I say old I mean people in their 80s and 90s)

To the OP, I'm sorry, I wasn't criticising you. In my first post, I said that I hoped you got the help you needed. Babies can be such hard work, and I'm not surprised you're feeling stressed.
What I was reacting to was the number of negative posts on the general theme of 'keep out of my space' and 'how dare you show an interest in my baby' which just seem really sad.
But I do think it's really unreasonable to touch someone else's baby

"And I have fewer friends and relatives around than my social butterfly nonagenarian granny, so I don't always buy the "they need to do it because they're lonely" argument either tbh"

Its extremely well documented Decaff that the elderly have fewer social contacts and loneliness / social isolation is a huge problem. Your granny - as delightful as she sounds - proves nothing.

You've taken that out of context.

Firstly I said I don't always buy it. Of course I recognise that loneliness is a huge problem among the elderly. It's regularly in the media.

I went on to say that when I go out, many older people keep to themselves as much as any other age group. That's my experience. Not because they aren't lonely, but maybe because they don't want to strike up conversation with strangers. It doesn't follow that because someone is lonely they naturally talk to strangers. Many may end up becoming more introverted. I always smile at people in the street but I notice a lot of elderly people don't want to make eye contact .

I was trying to point out that not all older people want to talk to us or our offspring. Some posts on here make out as if that is their agenda and that they are somehow using babies for their own gratification or are even a threat (germs).

YANBU. My baby was prem and was also born with a condition that makes it very hard for her to fight off infection. She was a good weight but still a lot smaller than term newborns so everywhere I went people would try to ram their heads in the pram and I hated it. I ended up getting a sling as a PP suggested and it was brilliant as I could keep a distance, the worst time for it was in supermarkets if she was in the pram/car seat as whilst I would pay a checkout worker would come and stroke her face, really bugged me. You can get a little badge for prems which says something along the lines of please don't touch me. She is your baby, don't feel frightened to say please don't touch!

It's precisely because of posts like this on MN, that I didn't help a woman in Aldi the other day. Her baby was screaming and had gotten to that awful stage of being really wound up. It reminded me so much of how DS used to be. She had a whole trolley to pack up, and I knew she must be stressed. I thought of offering to hold the baby or pack her shopping. But didn't do it, as I am always reading posts like this on MN.

Fwiw, my kids are now 20 and 18, and I have no interest in other people's babies or toddlers. If anything, I feel a bit sorry for the Mum's, as I remember how relentless it all is. Most people really aren't that bothered about other people's babies. I suspect the old ladies who approach you are really, really lonely. Lovely that a PP suggested you just tell them to Fuck off. That will be you one day.

I hope you feel better soon. It's really hard work at this stage!

I'm with you decaff. Some old people are lonely, some aren't. Some, like me (I've got a horrible feeling that, at 59, a lot of posters would classify me as the dreaded Old Woman) think life is better if you just connect with other people. People who are into their own space will have a fairly shitty old age, IMO.

i'm in my 60's and not in the least bit interested in random people's offspring. Its difficult when people assume (usually extended family members) that I want to cuddle their baby!
I had 4 of my own the youngest being identical twin boys, the most irritating remark was "Are they twins?"-......Looking the same, dressed the same, the same size, they even used to sit in the buggy the same way!

OP you're not unreasonable at all. No one has the right to invade your space (especially at the doctors when you were clearly upset), ignore the hate.

I laughed at your thread title and have had this song going round my head the whole time I've been reading it.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=2NAyzeR3QtQ

If I saw a clearly distressed young mum at the doctor's, my first thought would be to offer a tissue and ask if she was OK, and I might then say some admiring words about the baby.

I am a bit of an introvert, and having had PND and clinical depression, I can really empathise with being in that place where you don't want to talk to anyone. That said, I did actually enjoy the attention I got when I was out and about with a small baby, and I do think that most people are trying to be nice when they admire your baby. It is a nice time - and is certainly more fun than the phase where you are trying to wrangle toddlers in public, tantrums and all.

I do smile at parents with little babies, when I see them, and say nice things - but I also try to smile and say something comforting if a parent is struggling with a screaming toddler, because I remember all too well how awful I felt, thinking people were judging me for the way my child was kicking off.

@FindingNormal - I hope you feel better soon.

UpYouGo, hate? What a strong word. It loses its impact if used too much. I've seen none on this thread.

I love babies (and toddlers) so frequently smile at them. I fully expect one day to come back home and find a thread on here from an outraged mother saying that a strange random was grinning at her baby, was she BU to whisk her PFB away from the crazy old* bat?

*I'm 56. Not that old, but probably seems as old as the hills to a 20yo.

Jeez this is a woman who has had a difficult start to her new baby's life, who is struggling enough to be CRYING in he doctors, who is worried about germs with her PREM baby and all people can do is tell her she's awful and sneer over the word grill??

This! I mean, I've never heard of the term before, but for FFS, it's not rocket science to work out what it means in the context.
I remember the early baby days - it's so easy to get teary over things, and sometimes you might feel 'invaded' (for want of a better word) by people touching, getting their hands into the pram etc, and I can only imagine if they're tiny and premature you'll feel doubly anxious on going out and about.
OP, YANBU. The lady in the waiting room was probably well meaning, but rubbish at reading signs.

Gasp you may not be aware of this, but people use language differently

I'll use the word 'hate' when and however much I please. Who are you to police my use of language?

Lucy

People who are into their own space will have a fairly shitty old age, IMO.

But they won't will they- because they like being left alone!! But thanks- I know you're not having a go...

Not taking any of this personally ( even people who have called me horrible- you don't know me). I guess what all this boils down to is how comfortable you are making small talk with strangers. I don't like it - particularly when feeling vulnerable and with my vulnerable baby) but I know that some folk do. Maybe people should read the signs better.

And missy Elliot- amazing.

Op I thought of this thread today when I had to take DD to the hospital for a check up. Mid hospital corridor a lady (I won't mention her age ) walked diagonally across the corridor cutting people up and tried to physically grab my pram to have a look. It scared the shit out of me. It was so quick and I didn't know who she was or what she was going to do. Afterwards I was looking at everyone on my way out in fear someone else might do it again. It's not on. If the shoe was on the other foot and I aggressively invaded her personal space and grabbed out at her (as she had done to my DD and I) to say hello there would be uproar... but because my DD is a baby people seem to think there are no boundaries!

Cancel the cheque OP :)
I'm surprised at how many people don't know what grill means, or thought it was a new term. I knew what it meant from a Nelly song from years and years ago. Every time I come back to the thread I have it going doing round in my head.

I loved the pp who mentioned people getting her kittens grill, Ive got an eleven week old puppy and people are in her grill all the time, even after being asked not to. Most of the time I don't mind, I know she's cute, but sometimes I'm trying to train her, I'll ask people to not try and pet her when I'm calling her to me, to wait until I'm finished and they can fuss over all she wants, most people just wait and watch her and then fuss over her, but the odd one or two think I'm being a "bitch" and keep deliberately trying to make her go to them. Im gonna activate my fuck off shields and see if it helps.

Seriously though OP, YANBU, it's ok to want you own personal space, you don't sound rude or horrible to me, and ignore the arse that wished PND on you for wanting your own space. It may be well intended when people want to fuss your baby, but that doesn't mean you have to oblige and shut up and put up.

If I'd seen you crying I'd ask if you were ok and would follow your lead.

Cancel the cheque is a MN joke thing from a longg thread where people didn't even bother reading anything more than the OP and kept telling her to cancel to cheque hundreds of posts in.

This who keep asking what grill means reminded me of that, I know the thread is big and would take hours to read it all, but if it's hundreds of posts long, there's a good chance the answer to your question is in it, if you genuinely don't have time to read want an answer then just skimming through just the first and last page, or even doing a google search would be much quicker that posting the question on thread as if you dint have time to skim a through posts, surely you don't have time to return to thread and see if someone's took time to answer the question again.

[runs away]

Spartacus I'm genuinely surprised so many people don't know what it means-specially as the context was fairly clear.

First time I heard it was on Made in Chelsea from Lucy Watson. They were all and taking the piss.
Hilarious

I had no idea what 'grill' meant. I do now. Its a pretty charmless expression

Why are people so intrusive??? For fucks sake some people just to be left alone, why is that so hard for people to understand? Makes me so angry

I was wondering why on earth you had given a babe a cooker to play with! …………………….………..