Aibu for getting annoyed with random old women (in the main) getting up in my baby's grill?

[FindingNormal]

I hate it. Baby was prem so is small. Everywhere I go strangers stick their face in the pram and make comments, usually along the lines of "oh what a tiny baby" some try to touch her and then I get asked how old blah blah. Today I was at the doctors - I was crying (having a bad day) and an old woman came up and asked if she could see my baby. I mean seriously - I had tears down my face and clearly had my fuck off shields up and yet she still couldn't help herself from intruding. I find it so weird- I'd never go up to someone I didn't know and comment on their baby particularly if they looked upset. Is it me?

It's not ageist to call old women old. It is ageist to attach a particular piece of undesirable behaviour to a particular age group

It isn't ageist if the people doing the behaviour ARE actually mainly a particular age group. It's not ageist if its the actual truth. It just IS.

If I say its mainly men that cat call on the street I'm not being sexist, I'm telling the truth. If OP says its usually old women, and it is, she isn't being ageist.

what is a grill?

KC225 I don't enjoy it- that's the point. And I do have a 2 yr old too- she's a delight actually.

Op, ignore the horrible comments.

It is perfectly normal to not want strangers touching your new baby, even more so with a preemie! Or leaning in and breathing all over her- especially in a doctors surgery where who knows what bugs and things are going around

There's a difference between someone saying 'awww lovely baby' and someone looming over the pram/touching touching your baby.

Hope things improve for you, sounds like you're having a tough time. Sending strength and hugs!

Enjoy the attention now. By the time your baby is 2 people will be avoiding you and your toddler

But the thing is, OP ISN'T enjoying the attention now. She doesn't want to feel as if she HAS to enjoy it. You are quite right though. My now nearly 2 year old DGD doesn't tend to get attention out and about these day unless she's making her disgruntlement at her current set of circumstances known to the population at large.

I can sympathise with you, OP, on this one. I'm naturally quite a private person, introverted and like to keep myself to myself.

Like user1484167681, DC1 is still growing inside of me right now but I'm already grinning and bearing the strangers who want to talk about being pregnant. I mean, I'm fine if we're naturally having a conversation and it turns to baby. However, there are a handful of strangers who have started conversations with me about how I'm pregnant and how I should do XYZ and so on and so forth. Of course, I'm polite to them and I know they mean well but at the back of my mind I'm thinking 'Yeah, no, really would just prefer to get back to daydreaming/mentally running through my to-do list/whatever other keeping myself to myself activity I was doing'.

Don't worry in a few years no stranger will give a shit about your baby. They'll just look at you in judgement as, the now toddler, has an epic meltdown in the supermarket.

And unless you are from South Central LA you are extremely unreasonable for using "up in my baby's grill"

Genuinely curious how old the posters are who don't know what 'up in my grill' means.

It's really not a new expression and not used by fourteen year olds. It is at least from the 1990s.

I understand OP, I am not very sociable and really dislike unwanted attention when I'm out and about,

I'm 50 and I've never heard it until this thread.

I hope you are feeling a bit happier now OP. I am 54 so am I officially old or not quite just out of interest. I have never heard the grill thing but may try it out. My students were totes in my grill today ☺ only found out what Netflix and chill meant this year that could have ended badly.

It is at least from the 1990s

I was 70 then. No wonder I've never heard of it.

Oh god I have no idea when people become "old!" I don't have a cut off age in mind and am genuinely sorry for anyone I've offended by using the "o" word. But you know what- some people are old- it's an adjective not a judgement.

I feel for you. My DS was 9 weeks early and is still so tiny. I'm also a very private person and the first few weeks in the NICU having every emotion and response on display to everyone there was really hard. I've found that people are very interested in him because he's so tiny and by and large, I'm OK with the interest but if I'm having a tough day, I could do without it. I'm sorry today has been tough, I hope tomorrow is better xxx

"Genuinely curious how old the posters are who don't know what 'up in my grill' means."

I'm 58, and have never heard of it on any form of media or from 16 year old DD and her friends. What exactly does it mean?

"But you know what- some people are old- it's an adjective not a judgement."

Of course it is. It's what you say with it that makes it a judgement.

I can't believe people don't know what 'getting up in my grill' means.

misses point of thread entirely

I'm with you OP. DS1 was always on the smaller side and I got completely pissed off with endless comments like 'oh he's x months? He's a bit small isn't he'. I never would've dreamed of saying to anyone - 'oh your baby's huge / abnormally large' etc. I didn't mind people looking in the pram (unless they were obviously ill and about to pass on all their horrible germs to my 3 month old) but I still recall upsetting one neighbour in aged 70-80 by asking her not to touch my bump because I didn't like doing that. IMO people need to understand that a baby is a person not a doll and not there for their entertainment! But I am obviously a grumpy anti-social cow!

I'm 62 and first encountered "up in my grill" in Jimmy Lerner's "You Got Nothing Coming - notes from a Prison Fish" in 2002. An excellent book, though it made me look at full tats as "sleeves", the mark of a convict, when they first became trendy later.

Oo! Oo! I'm very old and I think I know what up in my grill means!

I'm binge watching Breaking Bad on Netflix (get me!) and a drug dealer on there had a shiny retainer thing on his teeth for decoration/status I think as it would have been a bit shit as a protective device - a rugby gum shield would have been better for that sort of thing...

Anyway, I'm deducing that getting up in my grill means the same as getting right in my face.

Am I right?

I don't get in baby's grills though. If they're not mine, I don't like them much so yours are safe from me.

"I can't believe people don't know what 'getting up in my grill' means"

Well, instead of saying that, why don't you explain what it means. I have never heard of it before

Sorry for the shouting, but please tell me.

what's a baby grill?

I am 54 and am familiar with 'grill' - clearly I watch too much crap satellite tv.

OP - I am now of an age where I find stranger's babies appealing. I think it is nature's way of preparing me for grandmotherhood in the not too distant future. I do comment on random baby's cuteness, but would never touch and hopefully would be sensitive enough to notice any 'fuck off sheilds'

How are you feeling in yourself op? I found strangers near my baby almost crippling and could never describe why. I just wanted to scream at them to get away. I had PND with one, but not all of my dc.

I don't think you sound horrible at all for what it's worth. Just like you've had a Prem baby and you're now negotiating that.

Take care

So apparently only men need to respect womens boundaries but women can do whatever the fuck they like because it comes from a nice place? Fuck that!

Not everyone wants to be social or have their babies touched and that should be respected.

Christ alive.

YANBU FindingNormal, and don't let other people dictate your boundaries. If you're not comfortable/happy with people getting in your baby's face. That's ok.

It's ok people will actively avoid you and eye roll and tut continually once they start the tantrum phase. I personally didn't mind people asking to see DD when she was a baby.