Aibu for getting annoyed with random old women (in the main) getting up in my baby's grill?

[FindingNormal]

I hate it. Baby was prem so is small. Everywhere I go strangers stick their face in the pram and make comments, usually along the lines of "oh what a tiny baby" some try to touch her and then I get asked how old blah blah. Today I was at the doctors - I was crying (having a bad day) and an old woman came up and asked if she could see my baby. I mean seriously - I had tears down my face and clearly had my fuck off shields up and yet she still couldn't help herself from intruding. I find it so weird- I'd never go up to someone I didn't know and comment on their baby particularly if they looked upset. Is it me?

I like leaning the new phrases you young uns use- so yanbu.

My baby's grill - got it!

I'm with you op, sometimes you just don't have the energy for small talk and if you're actually crying that's a good hint right there! I struggled when all my babies were small and sometimes putting on a polite face for a random stranger was enough to bring me to breaking point, however kind and well intentioned they were.

OP totally understand where you're coming from. Sometimes you just aren't in the mood. I generally don't mind this, but my husband hates it, so you're not alone!

I suppose that the idea of someone exuding repellence at well-meaning people attempting some innocent social interaction just seems abhorrent to me. And the thought of a lovely little baby trapped behind your "fuck off shields" makes me feel really sad. Anyway, best of luck to you.

I think people just love tiny babies. They''re just being nice.

My grandaughter was 2lb 3oz when she was born at 36 weeks. She got home on her due date weighing 3lb 7. Every time she left the house people made comment and oohhhed and ahhhhed and said to their children aww look at the tiny baby. No harm was done. It was just unusual to see such a small baby outside a hospital setting (ten years ago).

Enjoy your baby!

OP I think it is totally natural to feel intruded upon when you are having a bad day and people want to come and coo at the baby. And to feel protective of a premie baby is also natural. People are being unfair and giving you a hard time. Hope you're ok

And please can we drop the ageism?

OP get a sling and perfect the not today smile.

I don't think you are BU given that I know what it's like to have a premature baby (had my twins at 24 weeks). You spend a long time without full control of looking after them and when you finally get to take them home it's a surreal experience and you don't want people commenting on how small they are!! You might get a bit more understanding on a preemie parent group on FB, they are full of people who feel just like you!! I feel the same so you're not alone

I'm with you as well to an extent! I quite liked people cooing over my sprog the majority of the time, but if I was having a bad day, I would like and expect my "please fuck off and leave me alone in my misery" face to be respected!

I don't know why everyone is being so horrible to you! You're a new mother and have been through the mill - you're allowed to be unreasonable, although in this case you're not imho!
Hope you're feeling better now.

I feel like a rock star when I take my baby out. Especially in the sling where everyone can see her. It's the only time you get random strangers coming up to talk to you these days and it warms my cold black heart.

If I was crying it would piss me right off though.

And please can we drop the ageism?

Still waiting for anyone to point out the ageism....

They are just being nice it's an old lady thing. Other people's babies don't appeal to me.
Try it

Didn't bat an eyelid at your "baby's grill" phrasing, OP, some of us are still hip young things on this site and I'm 90s too :D

Still quite a few months away from my first baby, so can't speak from experience, but I think I'd be exactly like you in that situation- given how I feel about the touching I've experienced to date (I am not showing. You are just rubbing my tummy fat. Stop.)

Hopefully you'll start to feel a bit more relaxed and happy, and less protective as time goes on- I'm sure those ladies are just trying to be friendly and brighten up their own days too :)

Please can someone explain what the OP's expression means. Is it regional? I have lived in West Yorkshire, South London and now live in South Yorkshire and have never heard of it before.

"I just am private and don't like strangers intruding on me and find it weird"

There is a fine line between people showing an interest in your baby and being very intrusive. If it is the latter I can completely understand your anxiety, but if it is the former just smile and accept the compliments.

In general people are interested in new babies and if you don't want other people to look at your baby perhaps you need to avoid going out into crowded places or at busy times.

What actually is a baby's grill?

Sorry you're having a bad day but people are just trying to be nice.

you aren't being unreasonable but maybe she wasn't either - maybe she was trying to cheer you up. But you're not public property and it's awful to think that a stranger being lonely means they can use you and your baby to cheer themselves up - especially when you were crying!

LoniceraJaponica please don't tell distressed new mothers to isolate themselves, and please don't tell women to smile at everything even if it bothers or upsets them

getting up in my baby's grill

Wow.
I don't have DC (but would like to) and always love cuddling other's babies, as well as maintaining that if/when I have children I will let all passing old ladies cuddle them because it's just lovely.
Until I started perusing MN, and so many people pointed out you actually feel very protective, baby may not like being passed round, and is not a doll etc.

Yet here we have someone at a moment when social interaction with randoms was not appropriate (except of the concerned variety) and posters suddenly expect her to be all chipper and show off her baby.

My babies were very premature. It gave me a fantastic buzz to have people making a fuss of them and telling me how gorgeous they were, I was so proud. It's your call though...youre obviously going through a tough time .Hope it gets better.

I believe it's American slang for mouth, used to mean face. As in, get out of my grill, she was all up in my grill. :)

Ywbu, as you've now said yourself.

You also sound like you're having a tough time irl op .

AIBU can be quite insensitive. Try not to let it bother you.

I say "up in my grill". It's meant to be a bit of a joke / ironic

Fwiw, I'm sure the woman at the gps was trying to be nice and distract you as you were crying in public. Some people, (like me probably), would have pretended not to notice you, but I actually think people who are nicer and less shy than me try to help in some way.

I do think random people talking to babies has less to do with how much they love babies and more to do with them wanting to support the parent. If you're stuck in all day with a baby, it can be nice to have someone approach you and ask nice things about your baby. You have said you have a lot of RL support op, but many go all day without a soul asking them how their baby is or giving a shit. I had and still have very little support, other than my DH. In those circumstances, a quick comment from a stranger can be a lifeline.

You sound absolutely horrible behind your "fuck off shields" - this is really one of the most depressing posts I've ever read.

OP clearly isn't having the best day - many of us know how hard it is when they are very small.

OP I didn't mind it but I understand you don't appreciate people peering in at the baby. Folk just really love babies, they make most of us smile. They are just sharing in your joy. But clearly it bothers you right now and that is ok. I hope you are feeling a bit better and if you don't see the GP.

PS: OP - Do you watch Made in Chelsea by any chance? That expression came up on it

I must live in a parallel universe...

'in my baby's grill'

'fuck off shields'

You are having a tough time, let people be nice, she may have been trying to make conversation seeing you upset to be kind...

Ageism: I suspect a lot of it's unconscious, but there is a lot of it on this site. Someone posts about an 'old' lady doing something annoying. Others pile in to say 'that's what they do' or 'it's generational'. This is such nonsense. People who happen to be the same age don't all behave the same way and think the same things. Just consider your own friends and family.