Aibu for getting annoyed with random old women (in the main) getting up in my baby's grill?

[FindingNormal]

I hate it. Baby was prem so is small. Everywhere I go strangers stick their face in the pram and make comments, usually along the lines of "oh what a tiny baby" some try to touch her and then I get asked how old blah blah. Today I was at the doctors - I was crying (having a bad day) and an old woman came up and asked if she could see my baby. I mean seriously - I had tears down my face and clearly had my fuck off shields up and yet she still couldn't help herself from intruding. I find it so weird- I'd never go up to someone I didn't know and comment on their baby particularly if they looked upset. Is it me?

Unreal the kicking you're getting. YANBU AT ALL, OP. Let's have it one more time for the hard of thinking: women are entitled to their personal space and to move through the public sphere without being forced to interact with strangers. Even if they are pregnant/have a baby/are wearing a short skirt/are deemed to be 'asking for it'. Go back to Feminism For Dummies, 90% of respondents to this thread. Yeesh.

Genuinely curious how old the posters are who don't know what 'up in my grill' means.

Im 59 and havent lived in the Uk for 40 years.

Forever grateful Ive missed being down in the hood.

OP YADNBU.

And I have no idea why you've got the hate to have for not wanting randoms getting up close to your prem baby.

Buy or make one of those signs saying something like "I'm too small for your big germs"

Its hard when people look at your beautiful baby and pass comments about size etc. It drives me soft people asking what's ""wrong"" with my child etc.

And frankly being so engrossed in a baby that you completely ignore an emotional mother (actual person not just prior incubator) is bloody rude

I don't have Sky TV or watch any crap American TV shows. Maybe that is why I have missed the expression.

Since no-one who knows can be bothered to explain what it means I am off to google it - which is what I should have done in the first place. I though it such an odd expression that I though the OP had been auto corrected in a bizarre way.

I think it means like in her face?

Lonicera someone HAS explained. RTFT. But just for you, it means up in the baby's face. As I'd made manifestly clear in the OP.

As *is made manifestly clear

I do think she was probably trying to distract you from feeling sad, OP. Someone did a very similar thing when I was in a blood test lab with 5 day old DD getting her a test for jaundice, and I was hormonal and bawling my eyes out. I remember thinking, Christ, leave me alone! But thinking about it having someone fuss over DD was far better than being actually alone.

I love it now when older women coo over DD (8 months) as she absolutely revels in the attention In fact I have been known to take her to a cafe next to a rest home simply for the free entertainment

Yes, it means getting right up in her face (and breathing germs on baby which I think OP is objecting to).

OP, I totally understood the facetious way you were saying "up in my baby's grill" and I thought it was really funny.

But, come to think of it, people tend to misinterpret my sense of humour online so I guess we have something in common

Please ignore the roasting you've had so far. AIBU is so unpleasant at the moment. I understand your need for privacy and how tiring it must be, having to explain why your baby is so little, over and over and over.

I hope you're ok and do speak to someone if you carry on feeling so shit and low

Some people can be such twats. Why is it ok to accuse someone who's clearly upset of being "unpleasant" and "ageist" just because they've posted in the AIBU bear pit? Ugh.

Anyway.

OP, my baby was premature too and I totally understand how stressful it can be. While I didn't mind people looking, the "ooh isn't he tiny!" comments did get a bit wearing, and I was really sensitive about people potentially passing on germs.

Hope you're feeling better now. I'm pretty sure I had PTSD for a couple of months (or maybe more) but it does pass.

She was trying to be kind and make you feel good by admiring your baby.This 'old woman' must have seen thousands of babies so I doubt she really gave a stuff about seeing yours but she was trying to show an interest to make you feel better. You on the other hand sound horrible

Grill??? Seriously?

Jeez this is a woman who has had a difficult start to her new baby's life, who is struggling enough to be CRYING in he doctors, who is worried about germs with her PREM baby and all people can do is tell her she's awful and sneer over the word grill??

Finding were they trying to get you to a hotel? Are you a football coach?

YADNBU. DH HATES this - there's an added helping of "let me explain to you how to parent since you are a man and cannot possibly know" when women approach him which at least they don't do to me.

Somebody came and pulled up a chair at our table when we were trying to eat dinner last Sunday. She was cooing about what a pretty boy DS is. He gave a very tired sigh and rolled his eyes. He is four months old. It was perfect.

She really wasn't user she really really wasn't. I may be an antisocial introvert but I can at least read people that well.

I have absolutely no idea what 'Up in my grill' means.

I did have two very lovely 5lbers though, both born at 37 weeks.

And everyone used to say 'How tiny are they?' and get all over them. It didn't bother me, but if it bothers you, that's fine, tell the buggers to get the fuck off.

I do think it's fine to not want your children touched if you don't. It was always fine for me, but it's not fine for everyone.

My baby was premature and I find it quite wearing when people ask how old she is all the time then do a shocked face at her weight. I end up explaining she was born early etc and sometimes think I really don't want to be telling a stranger about something that was quite traumatic then hear about the people they know who have been born early, I'm tempted just to tell people get corrected age. I also didn't like people leaning in to the pram as I was so worried about risk of infection. I completely understand why it makes you feel that way.

There is a difference between people happening to see the baby and compliment her appearance and people shoving their faces right into the pram and sticking their fingers that have been who knows where all over her.

I wasn't too pleased about people putting their hands all over my twins when they were very little. They weren't going to be the ones up all night with two children suffering with heavy colds. Once mine were old enough to crawl and lick the cats I wasn't so phased by it.

Oh my goodness. I don't think you sound horrible or unreasonable at all OP. I have just had my 4th baby and still can't get used to strangers commenting on her.

I recently had a Dr appt for myself and had to take dd with me when she was 6 weeks old. Everyone in the waiting room commented on dd whilst I just kept my head down, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Eventually someone asks and you have to give age, name, weight, whether it's your first, start giving advice etc (most people shut up with me when I say she's my 4th!). I've learnt to smile and give limited information, but I can't say I'm entirely comfortable with it.

Hope you're ok. Just ignore people who say you're horrible - you're not. You've been through a lot. You don't have to put up with anything you're not comfortable with and you certainly don't need to hide away. X

What is a grill?!

Must admit I did find it hard at first with complete strangers constantly giving advice and wanting to touch DD.

Sorry you had a bad day, part and parcel of having a newborn, there will also be amazing days!

Yanbu. I sometimes long for the days pre-pregnancy where I could venture down the street anonymously and people would ignore me. I've now got used to the attention but it is hard when you just want to be left alone.
Was a bit confused about the grill, thought it was some new thing that you put over a pram to stop people looking in. You need a baby grill(e).

rainbow

So apparently only men need to respect womens boundaries but women can do whatever the fuck they like because it comes from a nice place? Fuck that!

Not everyone wants to be social or have their babies touched and that should be respected

You have completely misunderstood what I was saying rainbow.

I said ime it usually comes from a good place. The fact that I think women often want to support other women is not an anti feminist message, however you fancy twisting my words.

Nobody has a right to talk to anyone else. Nobody is obliged to so much as glance in anybody else's direction. Nobody is obliged to say please or thank you in a shop or restaurant. But it's normally what people do. If anyone is doing anything to make you uncomfortable, then tell them to stop it or completely ignore them if they talk to you.

If you rainbow and others (not the op) feel so strongly that there's an anti feminist agenda and that these people are hell bent on looking closely at your previous offspring (my guess is that they aren't - they are probably just trying to be sociable), you aren't obliged to respond. I don't always respond. I'm quite antisocial irl. But that is my choice. I don't start threads on MN which result in posters making huge assumptions about these evil "old women" who are in collusion with the patriarchy and clearly have some malignant intent towards me and my baby. Be frosty to them. Tell them to get lost. Choose how much contact you have with them, but don't assume you know what their intentions are.

Nobody cares that much about talking to your baby. They get nothing out of it. They probably (im fucking o) are trying to be kind and sociable.

Sorry op. This^^ has nothing to do with your op tbh, it's some of the subsequent posts which I find very grating.

Oh yes and you are not public property because you have a baby. Never let yourself be treated that way. Mothers get a hard time, but "old women" starting up brief chats in the street about how sweet your baby is, is the absolute bottom of the pile in terms of harm when it comes to the hard time women get when they become mothers.