Aibu for getting annoyed with random old women (in the main) getting up in my baby's grill?

[FindingNormal]

I hate it. Baby was prem so is small. Everywhere I go strangers stick their face in the pram and make comments, usually along the lines of "oh what a tiny baby" some try to touch her and then I get asked how old blah blah. Today I was at the doctors - I was crying (having a bad day) and an old woman came up and asked if she could see my baby. I mean seriously - I had tears down my face and clearly had my fuck off shields up and yet she still couldn't help herself from intruding. I find it so weird- I'd never go up to someone I didn't know and comment on their baby particularly if they looked upset. Is it me?

I'm with you, op. I find it frustrating when people start prodding and poking uninvited.

Are you lucy Watson?

The only mistake you made findingnormal was posting in AIBU

Hope you're feeling better now
I wouldn't have liked a random person approaching me while I was crying. Just because I had a new baby they wanted to look at?!

I feel the same as you a lot of the time but to be honest I've seen several posts here before about mums not liking strangers touching their babies. It always goes the same way, MN thinks it's lovely for people to coo over babies.

My kid is ace, I often want as many people as possible to tell me but I do also often find it weird that people want to touch him so much. Next time it happens I might tell them to get out of my babies grill - I like it, I reckon it would work

to you OP (and

i've met some lovely ladies who have wanted to chat to me about my baby (also early and small). no one has really tried to touch him though. I'm enjoying it, I'm sure when he is a whinging toddler we won't get so many compliments

You're not being unreasonable at all! It is perfectly OK not to want to spend your day fending off comments and attention from people who want to gawp at your baby, however well-intentioned they might be. You don't have an obligation to make everyone who gets clucky about babies happy, you should be entitled to your own personal space and to decide whether or not you want to interact. If I'd seen you in tears I would have asked if you were OK and if I could help and I would have backed off straightaway if you wanted me to. Some people need to respect other people's social cues and boundaries. (As I sometimes do when someone has a cute dog but doesn't necessarily want me petting it and exclaiming over it, ahem.) You don't sound like a horrible person, just someone who may be a little reserved and introverted and that's OK!

I thought your "up in my baby's grill" was funny! and I hate when people try to put their hands in the pram too and I'm not stressed etc. I just think it's odd to be putting your hand on someone's child and it irritates me!

a sling is a good idea though. i used a baby k-tan at first which was lovely, like still being pregnant ☺️ then i got an ergo baby + the small baby insert - he loves being in there and no one can get him!

Ps I refuse to believe most of you haven't heard the expression up in my grill! Perhaps I listen to too much rnb

Tbh I totally understand on this! My DD is five weeks only and when she was five days I had to nip to Asda for pads. I know people mean well but when your in pain, stressed and hormonal, bleeding, huge swollen boobs etc. Well I wasn't feeling sociable and didn't enjoy the fuss over the baby. I'm feeling better now, so I don't mind the attention. Perhaps given how off you felt today it's understandable you wanted to be left alone

Honestly if your baby is still so tiny and vulnerable that you are nervous if strangers get close enough to smile, you might be better off restricting how much you take her out. I only took my prem baby DD out very gradually and I didn't have any problems with the extent that people interacted with her.

getting up in my baby's grill'.

What a wonderful way to put it. I have the same issue with my cat, strangers on the street are always getting up in his grill. Annoying isn't it?

So can I use the expression 'don't get up in my grill' to show that I'm 100% down wiv da kidz? Can I?

Ridiculousness!

Well I laughed at babys grill.
I understand OP

LoniceraJaponica... please don't tell women to smile at everything even if it bothers or upsets them

This! I think it's quite interesting a lot of these posts are basically suggesting OP is suffering from a mental illness (PND) because she is not welcoming the entitlement others feel to access her newborn's and her own (in the crying eg) personal space.
For everyone who would be up in arms about cat-calling and public groping, there seems to be someone else who thinks women should be flattered and welcoming if strangers want to touch their bump/baby or make comments about the look/size of either.

Of course, when it is genuinely welcomed by a mother, it's all lovely, community spirited stuff, but I've definitely had my share of 'fuck off shield' days too and I don't think it's fair to tell OP they're unreasonable or even ill for being unwilling to be constant public property simple by virtue of being a new mother.

JeReviens

I hereby grant you full permission to use the phrase "up in my / your / his / her / one's grill". But remember, (which shouldn't be a problem for you based on your username), with great power comes great responsibility. Use it wisely.

Decaff

I will try not to say it to any passing priests but more than that I cannot promise!

I am so rnb

The ageism accusations are really interesting actually. I don't believe I'm being ageist. I'm experiencing a lot of people doing something unwanted and it happens to be mainly old women doing it.

I have a couple of slings and do use one of them sometimes but she feels so little in it, also pram v handy for piling in the endless supply of nappies I'm buying.

I genuinely don't believe the woman in the gp's today was trying to make me feel better - if she was she'd have opened with- "are you ok" or something along that vein. It was about what she wanted (which was to gawp at my baby) and to hell with the fact that I might not want to make polite small talk with a stranger at a moment when I was feeling vulnerable and upset. I think that that is unreasonable and rude.

Thanks for all the

So no-one can tell me why it's ageist to call old women old? Is it sexist to call them women as well?

I kind of agree with the gist of what you're saying perpetual, but I think the tone of the op was fairly unpleasant. Everyone has days when they don't fancy a chat, but most of us don't begrudge the person who is being perfectly friendly. It's my problem if I'm having one of those days. I don't think ill of the person who is probably just trying to be nice. It's impossible to say as I'm not the op, but ime, other women taking the time to chat to dc and me when we're out is usually coming from a good place.

I always wonder if they remember how hard it was, (if they had babies themselves at some point). Nobody loves babies so much that they just can't resist (or do they)? It's usually an attempt to be supportive imo.

Catcalling etc is anything but supportive. They aren't the same thing at all. Strange comparison to make tbh.

I'm sorry if the tone was of my post was unpleasant- was just having a rant and feeling shitty. But perpetual summed up what I meant better than I did. It's that feeling of being public property that I hate.

Hope I've resurrected "up in my grill" though.

You own up in my grill finding! You are the queen of up in my grill from now on.

Meh, we all have those days and you probably have more reason than most to have one of those days at the moment .

It's not ageist to call old women old. It is ageist to attach a particular piece of undesirable behaviour to a particular age group. And this thing about "old women approaching babies" is a Mumsnet meme. Ofthe with an unspoken-or even spoken -epithet. I have seen grubby, creepy, smelly, dotty, germy, dirty...............

Up in my baby's grill. Are you fourteen?

Enjoy the attention now. By the time your baby is 2 people will be avoiding you and your toddler

Y DS was 5 weeks early so really small, I hated people peering in his pram or asking questions as I was very sensitive over it. Now he is 7.5mo I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD due to the birth and because of that I also have separation anxiety and absolutely hate people talking to him. The amount of people that think they can touch him. I have learnt to ask people to not touch my son in the most polite way possible.

I can't believe all the replies saying your wrong or mean. I totally see where your coming from and that lady should have just left you and your baby alone. I hope things get better