My sister won't come to see me & new baby

[nyark]

My sister and I live very far from other family (several plane rides and time zones away). I'm pregnant with my first, and despite me inviting my DSis to visit to visit/help with our newborn, she has cried off and said she will visit during her DC summer holiday when the baby is older (which, of course, will mean I will not be in need of as much help from her at that time!)

She is a single mum, split from her husband (I think that she cheated on him although she denies this, tbf I do not know the details as I did not want to get involved). I thought that after the pain of the split and breaking up her family, she would want to be involved in a happy event like the birth of her first niece/nephew. AIBU to be upset about this? I went to stay with her for two weeks when her first was born several years ago!

I have been trying to involve her in the pregnancy, texting to ask her advice etc. but all I get is breezy replies and best wishes. No real conversation or support. It's really getting me down. I feel alone, so far from family.

Because she is split from her ex, she uses the excuse that she can't visit for more than a few days because her parenting arrangement doesn't allow for her to travel for more than that with the DC. Surely this is something she should be able to negotiate with her ex? He is a good guy and tbh, probably too good for my DSis but that's another thread DH and I have contacted her ex separately as well and invited him to bring the DC to see us. He hasn't set a date to visit but seems more keen. Also, she is of the opinion that she can't take DC out of school to visit us. Surely this is more important, especially with her being my only family here? DC are reception/primary age so it's not like they're writing GCSEs.

Aibu to feel let down and out in the cold?

Eh, no. She's your sister not your call-on babysitter.

You don't know the details and didn't want to get involved when her marriage broke down when she might have needed your support, she's now a single parent and you expect her to drop everything and come half way across the world when you want her to.... right. YABVVVU. Don't you have a partner/friends/other family in the same time zone as you at least?

After reading that I'm not surprised she won't visit!

YABU - if it is several plane journeys I am assuming she would have to come for at least two weeks - she might not want to be away from her children for that long! She also might be struggling with finances you just don't know! I wouldn't be able to afford to take my primary aged children away as I'd have to pay for their flights as well as mine which would be pretty expensive!!

How often did you visit when she had her first DC?

How supportive were you during her pregnancies?

Maybe you will understand once you have a child

Also, what is WRONG with you - stop going behind your sister's back to her ex, that's incredibly disloyal and out of order!!!

I do not know the details as I did not want to get involved
He is a good guy and tbh, probably too good for my DSis but that's another thread

Not sure how close you were to begin with but it sounds like you weren't massively supportive when she was going through the break up with her ex, she may be holding some resentment

Sorry, but YABU. It is hard going being pregnant, I know, and it would be lovely to ideally have family around to help, but the world doesn't stop just because you're having a baby. You can't expect your sister to take her children out of school for that long (or at all, really) and I think her suggestion of visiting during their holidays is quite reasonable.

Wow harsh responses.

To clarify, both my sister AND I live in this area - we live a day's drive apart.

It's the rest of our family that is not in the area.

I wouldn't go if you'd invited my ex either

Is this a reverse?

Are you joking

I'd not I really wouldn't be fucking visiting you either.

Must be a reverse

Yabu if she lives in the UK at least she can't just take the kids out of school. Expecting her to drop everything and come across the world isn't as casual as you make it sound

Yes you are being unreasonable- once you actually have kids you may realise how hard it is to travel anywhere let along several plane rides/time zones, also as a single parent. And why should either her or her ex miss out on time with their children because your having a baby?

YABVU! You didn't want to get involved in her divorce means you couldn't be arsed to ask what happened and support her. Now you expect her to come running? I would never expect my sister (or anyone!) to drop their lives to come help me look after a newborn

How far away Is Dsis?

It reads that the rest of the family are far away.

Do you two live close together?

It sounds like you don't like her very much, perhaps she had picked up on this?. It was very kind of you to help when she had her baby, but she's got that child now so coming to help you with yours won't be as easy for her. And I wouldn't want to pull them out of school either, sorry.

Barring something vaguely petulant about your tone I was aaaaaalmost with you until you said about taking the DC out of school. Yeah... she's not gonna do that.

But to fair to you, she could seem more keen or even emotionally supportive from a distance; I guess it's a shame you feel she doesn't care all that much. It's tough to judge the reality of the situation not knowing your relationship, but you're about to find out the things that are easy to arrange without kids are ANYTHING BUT with them, so do take that into account!

But she WILL visit you, just during the holidays? She's a single parent and you want to take her kids out of school to come and look after her kids at your house plus you and a newborn? She can't take them out of school for 2 weeks!

You don't like your sis very much do you?

I think OP said she AND her sister are a long way from family, not each other.

However...OP, you sound incredibly entitled. You sound like one of those folk who invite people to do shite menial jobs for their weddings to 'share their joy'. She doesn't want to come and help, she is a single parent and it would be difficult. And this without even knowing how she feels about her break-up or the logistics of her life.

I can't believe you think she should take her children out of school, or have gone behind her back to her ex. Seriously? You need to grow up.

It is unreasonable to expect your sister yo remove children from school. When your child is school age you will understand.