My sister won't come to see me & new baby

[nyark]

My sister and I live very far from other family (several plane rides and time zones away). I'm pregnant with my first, and despite me inviting my DSis to visit to visit/help with our newborn, she has cried off and said she will visit during her DC summer holiday when the baby is older (which, of course, will mean I will not be in need of as much help from her at that time!)

She is a single mum, split from her husband (I think that she cheated on him although she denies this, tbf I do not know the details as I did not want to get involved). I thought that after the pain of the split and breaking up her family, she would want to be involved in a happy event like the birth of her first niece/nephew. AIBU to be upset about this? I went to stay with her for two weeks when her first was born several years ago!

I have been trying to involve her in the pregnancy, texting to ask her advice etc. but all I get is breezy replies and best wishes. No real conversation or support. It's really getting me down. I feel alone, so far from family.

Because she is split from her ex, she uses the excuse that she can't visit for more than a few days because her parenting arrangement doesn't allow for her to travel for more than that with the DC. Surely this is something she should be able to negotiate with her ex? He is a good guy and tbh, probably too good for my DSis but that's another thread DH and I have contacted her ex separately as well and invited him to bring the DC to see us. He hasn't set a date to visit but seems more keen. Also, she is of the opinion that she can't take DC out of school to visit us. Surely this is more important, especially with her being my only family here? DC are reception/primary age so it's not like they're writing GCSEs.

Aibu to feel let down and out in the cold?

I don't think this is a reverse, just a self absorbed twat having a moan. Not surprised your sister won't rearrange her life for you. Disloyal cow that you are.

Calling reverse not not a blatant placemark

If Imout a request in for my DD to be absent from school as my sister and her husband want be to go look after their only baby with them, I'd be denied, I could just take them out but it would be unauthorised absence and dds school is shit hot on that in the last year or two.

It's great you went to help your sister but you make it sound you resent it now so it's coming across like you helped her for your own benefit, if it's as because you were super excited for first niece or nephew and helping her meant you got more time with baby, that's fine, but your sister isn't you and your sister has different circumstances to you so can't offer you the same support.

You didn't have two dc who had to be in school, she is a single parent to her own two children, it's unfair to resent her not prioritising your baby over her own, who would be looking after her dc while she is looking after yours. DH can support you, he will have to pick up some of your chores on top of his own for a while and should be doing his equal share of baby stuff too, a third adult and two dc will just get in the way more than anything. There's nothing you sister can do in those early days that your DH can't.

If your dh isn't doing his fair share of house stuff and you're worried he won't do his fair share of baby stuff it's him who needs to be priotising the new baby and making arrangements to ensure he's at home as much as possible to help look after wife who has just given birth to his child. Have you spoken to him about how you're feeling? If not, I'd try as he can reassure you that he will be supporting you and you'll be fine etc.

While it's nice to have extra help, it's not a right, and shouldn't be assumed that it'll be available, even if your sister had said yes in the past, people's situations change and sometimes promises can't be kept, you and your dh will manage in the same way many others do who don't have a family member able to come and stay and help. You really will manage op

Do you live in Nazareth? And is your name Mary?

We need to know.

You sound nice.

Bravo to your sister, she's grey rocking you - exactly what you should do to toxic people.

Hopefully for her, it'll lead to a permanent NC.

Don't worry though - your ex-BIL will definitely be by your side right?

As he was far too good for your sis anyway though, you'll prefer that.

So you all get what you deserve.

Everybody wins.

Wow, you don't know why your sister broke up with her partner (did you not ask??? You know, while you were wiping her tears and helping look after her kids and plying her with wine and chocolate like a fucking SISTER would??) But absent any actual info you assume she cheated because her ex is 'too good for her'. You are still cordial friends with this paragon of an ex and have invited him to come and see your new baby. AND YET you are surprised your single parent sister is not prepared to drop everything and disrupt her children's education to come and dance attendance on you in your 'happy family event'.

You are... Well let's just say I hope motherhood matures you. Substantially. Your poor DSis.

I went to stay with her for two weeks when her first was born several years ago!

Seriously, did you impose yourself on her for two weeks when she had just had a baby? No wonder she doesn't like you.

Seriously, did you impose yourself on her for two weeks when she had just had a baby? No wonder she doesn't like you.

I agree with this, landing your self on her for the precious, private, chaotic first two weeks was incredibly selfish.

He is a good guy and tbh, probably too good for my DSis but that's another thread

You think and say something like this about her and expect her to drop everything and come running when you want her to???

Did OP ever break cover?

I too, am calling reverse.

Where is OP?

This can't be real, surely no-one can be as self-absorbed as this?

Congratulations on your pregnancy but give your sister a break. You sound like hard work.

Actually I think this is real, OP seems to have disappeared... I hope she took on board the advice!