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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister won't come to see me & new baby

166 replies

nyark · 11/07/2017 18:26

My sister and I live very far from other family (several plane rides and time zones away). I'm pregnant with my first, and despite me inviting my DSis to visit to visit/help with our newborn, she has cried off and said she will visit during her DC summer holiday when the baby is older (which, of course, will mean I will not be in need of as much help from her at that time!)

She is a single mum, split from her husband (I think that she cheated on him although she denies this, tbf I do not know the details as I did not want to get involved). I thought that after the pain of the split and breaking up her family, she would want to be involved in a happy event like the birth of her first niece/nephew. AIBU to be upset about this? I went to stay with her for two weeks when her first was born several years ago!

I have been trying to involve her in the pregnancy, texting to ask her advice etc. but all I get is breezy replies and best wishes. No real conversation or support. It's really getting me down. I feel alone, so far from family.

Because she is split from her ex, she uses the excuse that she can't visit for more than a few days because her parenting arrangement doesn't allow for her to travel for more than that with the DC. Surely this is something she should be able to negotiate with her ex? He is a good guy and tbh, probably too good for my DSis but that's another thread Sad DH and I have contacted her ex separately as well and invited him to bring the DC to see us. He hasn't set a date to visit but seems more keen. Also, she is of the opinion that she can't take DC out of school to visit us. Surely this is more important, especially with her being my only family here? DC are reception/primary age so it's not like they're writing GCSEs.

Aibu to feel let down and out in the cold? Sad

OP posts:
thefutureisfemale · 11/07/2017 19:22

HAHAHAHAHHA if you can't cope or need that much help from your sister you shouldn't have a baby.

DesignedForLife · 11/07/2017 19:23

Got to be a reverse! Who on earth expects a single mother to drop everything and care for their baby!

Itsjustaphase2016 · 11/07/2017 19:24

What help do you actually WANT?? Seriously all babies do is cry (for you), cry (for your milk), cry (cos they are tired), sleep, feed and poo. You really dont your sister to help with that!!
SHE probably needs more hep than you looking after primary aged children alone! That's a waaaay harder job!

OnlyAQuickNC · 11/07/2017 19:25

Eh I'd be completely no contact with you if you were my sister. What a nasty, self entitled post! No wonder she doesn't want to visit you!

Bluntness100 · 11/07/2017 19:25

You think her ex is too good for her and you invited her to "help" with your child?

So you're that sister then? You know, the one from hell?

user1492287253 · 11/07/2017 19:25

yab ridiculous. or its a reverse.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/07/2017 19:26

Oh come on. Lay off, op now.
I'm not saying I've acted like the Arch Angel Gabriel, but comments such as
Hahaha. If you can't cope. You shouldn't have had a baby. Is going far too far. What about women with PND.

Liiinoo · 11/07/2017 19:26

I wouldn't have wanted anyone staying when I had new borns. I wanted quiet and privacy, I certainly wouldn't have wanted other children running around. Your sister is doing you a favour by staying away.

RebelRogue · 11/07/2017 19:27

Regardless of whether she's reasonable or not, you don't sound like you like her much,so why would you want to spend so much time with her? Just for the help?

P.s. Her reasons are very valid and reasonable.

Figgygal · 11/07/2017 19:28

Oh come on why do you need all this help? What is she supposed to do with her kids whilst being with you?
Where's your oh in all this?

PonderLand · 11/07/2017 19:30

Jeeeeez! I'm glad you're not my sister. You 'helped' her with her first newborn and now you're expecting her to pull her kids out of school and help you? And drive a full day with the kids!!! Despite the fact you don't even know why she broke up with her husband and that actually you ASS-U-ME it's because she cheated on him. she's offered to see you in the holidays, which is more than I'd do given your relationship with each other.

Once you've had your baby I'll be interested to hear how keen you are to be around a newborn for long periods ever again! I'd rather claw my own eyes out than look after another newborn, and maybe your sister is the same. Also the same with pregnancy issues and baby questions (is this a positive test? How do I know when I'm in labour? Is this pain labour? what is this discharge? How many nappies is normal? What nappies should I buy? How many layers at exactly 20.574924c? argh! ) once you're out of it the discussions are boring however very real and important to you. Do you have other pregnant friends you can discuss pregnancy related issues with?

Whodoesthis17 · 11/07/2017 19:31

You want 2 small children running around your house with a Newborn.
Have you really thought this through?
When you have a child you need to bond with the child and your DH, not have to put up with someone else in your space, she is doing you a favour by not coming and once you realize that maybe you can stop your ME ME ME attitude.

Get your husband to do the things you need help with, and you can always load your freezer with food and other bits.
Oh by the way don't forget to send the petrol money and the 2 weeks wages she will be giving up to see you.

Questioningeverything · 11/07/2017 19:32

I called reverse immediately. It's so obvious.
1/10

Oysterbabe · 11/07/2017 19:35

Yeah reverse, just posting for the reveal.

Rubyslippers7780 · 11/07/2017 19:36

We will never hear from the OP again...if not a reverse she will be hiding...

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 11/07/2017 19:39

You don't need your sister to visit. You have her ex husband coming to see you!

You sound very entitled.

FYI I had a horrendous birth, 9 weeks of recovery and then DP had major surgery miles away from our home. I didn't need my sister to come and look after us. We got on with it 🙄🙄🙄

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/07/2017 19:39

Why would she be hiding. Who are we big hard knock mumsnetHmm

Tofutti · 11/07/2017 19:39

This reverse attempt is just insulting. OP, just write a real thread.

QuestionARhino · 11/07/2017 19:41

YABVVVU to expect someone to take their kids out of school to visit you and the new baby, no matter what their relation to you...

bumblingbovine49 · 11/07/2017 19:41

She's a single parent and you want to take her kids out of school to come and look after her kids at your house plus you and a newborn? She can't take them out of school for 2 weeks!

This

NellieBuff · 11/07/2017 19:44

Assuming this is not a wind up - I wouldn't be that supportive if you were really friendly with my ex either. Did you really expect her to drop everything to come to assist you when you are sucking up to the ex.

But this is so bad it must be a wind up.

Kigali04 · 11/07/2017 19:45

So when her marriage broke down did you go spend time with her and offer yourself as child care? I bet not as you state you didn't want to know, I think your really rude actually, now you need her you want her to drop everything and come help you look after your new baby. I would cry off too, she hasn't said no she just said she will come at her convenience not yours

Kigali04 · 11/07/2017 19:46

So your accusing her of 'cheating' even though she denies it and of 'breaking up her family'. Frankly I wouldn't come at all OP

Stormwhale · 11/07/2017 19:48

.

user1497480444 · 11/07/2017 19:49

another vote for reverse. Why would anyone publicly admit to being so unreasonable and demanding. Obviously the sister doesn't want to visit, and has no obligation to visit. Leave her alone.