My sister won't come to see me & new baby

[nyark]

My sister and I live very far from other family (several plane rides and time zones away). I'm pregnant with my first, and despite me inviting my DSis to visit to visit/help with our newborn, she has cried off and said she will visit during her DC summer holiday when the baby is older (which, of course, will mean I will not be in need of as much help from her at that time!)

She is a single mum, split from her husband (I think that she cheated on him although she denies this, tbf I do not know the details as I did not want to get involved). I thought that after the pain of the split and breaking up her family, she would want to be involved in a happy event like the birth of her first niece/nephew. AIBU to be upset about this? I went to stay with her for two weeks when her first was born several years ago!

I have been trying to involve her in the pregnancy, texting to ask her advice etc. but all I get is breezy replies and best wishes. No real conversation or support. It's really getting me down. I feel alone, so far from family.

Because she is split from her ex, she uses the excuse that she can't visit for more than a few days because her parenting arrangement doesn't allow for her to travel for more than that with the DC. Surely this is something she should be able to negotiate with her ex? He is a good guy and tbh, probably too good for my DSis but that's another thread DH and I have contacted her ex separately as well and invited him to bring the DC to see us. He hasn't set a date to visit but seems more keen. Also, she is of the opinion that she can't take DC out of school to visit us. Surely this is more important, especially with her being my only family here? DC are reception/primary age so it's not like they're writing GCSEs.

Aibu to feel let down and out in the cold?

Yabu to expect help. A visit would be nice but she now has children and is a single parent while you were child free when offering.

A days drive apart is still not that close even if it's closer than with your other family.

Yanbu to feel saddened that she seems less interested in your first baby. Do you honestly think you are that close anymore? It doesn't sound like it, it sounds like you far prefer her ex and aren't afraid to show it.

Why should she disrupt her kids education for two weeks just to see your baby?
Surely you can wait until she has time to, instead of demanding that she does it as soon as you want her to. My sister has 4 kids. I wouldn't expect her to spend one night with me to help me look after my baby.
Your deluded and extremely dumb.

Many, many new mothers cope on their own or perhaps with just their partner raising their family right from birth. You need to stand on your own two feet now you are becoming a parent. Don't expect loved ones to put their lives on hold for your baby.

The baby is the centre of your universe it is not the centre of everybody else's.

i don't know why you are so severe on your sister she has gone through hell and you probably haven't been there for her. Her priority is her own family and not her siblings anymore. The moment she gave birth you were demoted. And that is how it should be , you perhaps need to mature a little bit.

A days drive is still a long way OP. You are sounding really entitled tbh.
All of my family live close by, barring 1 sister, and I didn't expect everyone to just drop everything and come to me just because I'd had a baby!

Reverse.

Wow

Reverse

This does read like a reverse. I don't doubt that there are people like this out there, it's just that they manage to twist things a bit more so that they don't look so unreasonable.

This can't be real!

Well you seem to like her ex more than her so ask him to help.

I would be cautious if you were cosying up to my ex.

No, sister can't take them out of school without being fined.

If I had discerned that you thought ex was too good for me, I might hardly be bothering to visit at all.

AH come on, this is clearly a reverse everyone

If it's a reverse - don't go!

You have just learnt the first rule parenthood, ie. your baby, your responsibility. It's not up to others to help you out, provide babysitting services, etc. Any help, is of course appreciated.

I'm sorry you are disappointed that your dsil won't come and help,you out, but she has offered, in the school,holidays. When your children are school,age, you'll,appreciate her actions.

Is this a reverse????

You either offered, or were happy to go "help" look after her newborn. She clearly doesn't want to do the same.
You haven't supported her through her break up since you don't even know what happened so you've not been there for her to rely on, but you expect her to come running to help you?
She's now adjusting to being a single parent, and how incredibly hard that is, and her kids will be her only constant right now also.
You want her to leave her own children, at cost to her of childcare when she may well not be able to afford it, to come and look after your baby.
You have your partner to help, and presumably his family, did it ever occur to you, that having just had her own family split up, it will be really painful seeing yours so happy and together with your kid having that solid loving family unit her kids just lost?
You're also just assuming her ex can have kids, but since you've not been bothered to support her through her break up, or even talk to her about it, you have no idea where he's living, if he can even have the kids there, what days he can and cannot do pick ups, overnights etc. It's not as simple as you seem to think it is "Hey, you can have our kids while i go look after someone elses!" She might be feeling really vulnerable right now and want what feels familiar and normal, which i to be with her kids, in her home. Even if she did cheat and cause the break up, she' still going to be hurting, for the kids sake especially.

This has got to be a reverse, no-one is this selfishly obtuse.

If she works he holiday will be used for chi

Fuck off! No way is this serious!

FYI, newborns are a piece of piss to look after, you won't need all this help you are banging on about. You will have one baby, that eats and sleeps all day. Get over yourself!

Yabvu. She's not your babysitter, she shouldn't be taking them out of school (did you miss the part where she can get fined for this?) and you've invited her ex. Sorry, are you a bit blind to why she doesn't want to come? You want her to dump her kids to come and look after you?! Lovely.

It's got to be a reverse. No mner worth their salt could be that egotistical.

Bit of a weird reverse if so, because the sister would be saying she cheated on her husband who is too good for her!

Childcare in the holidays
She doesn't want to
It's not her baby
Ex is invited

Have you offered any suppprt since she's been a single parent? Given you you're holidays to help her out?

If you live in the UK then taking the kids out of school can result in a fine of £60 per child.

Are your sister's kids invited? It's unclear whether you thought your sister would come up alone or with her kids? If the kids came would you expect her to drop off at her ex's half way through? Not abiding by a contact order can lead to legal trouble btw?

OP- I mean this in the kindest way possible but your sister is clearly uninterested in your baby and you. You clearly don't like her much. Why didn't you take the "hints" that she's been giving you and stop trying to push her to be an active aunt? You can't make her interested. It sounds like she's expected at your house so that she can repay you for you staying with her. Help shouldn't come with strings attached. It's a harsh lesson to learn but nobody will love your baby as much as the parents. Leave things in her court and lower your expectations for your sanity.

V obvious reverse