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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset he left the kids but also that she's interfering?

176 replies

user1499779815 · 11/07/2017 14:58

Yesterday I got a message from one of the mum's I talk to on the school run. She said that in the playground at 9am she saw my husband who was dropping out 6 year old daughter off for school. She asked him if I was about because she wanted to borrow something from me. He replied that I was at home but she could walk back with him if she liked. They then both walked back to our house, which is actually next door to the school.
When they got to our house my husband opened the front door and it was clear at that stage that he'd left our 4 year old son in the front room watching telly along with his 18 month old baby sister. I was upstairs in bed, having my weekly lie in and completely unaware that the two younger kids were alone in the front room.
She said that she wanted me to know what he'd done and I thanked her for letting me know. Now I'm gutted, not only that my husband left our kids but above all that he allowed someone to witness this and call in to question our ability as responsible parents. I suspect that the other mum will now go and tell a few people in the school yard that we leave our children unattended and inevitably the story will evolve as it's passed down the line and turn in to something really awful.
My husband says that he was running late and so told our son to just watch telly for 5 minutes and mind his little sister. He was popping next door to the school and would be right back. If he needed anything Mummy was just upstairs. Apparently our little boy was quite happy to be left and when husband returned with friend both kids were just playing quietly and the door to the front room was still closed. He doesn't think it was a big deal because they are both very well behaved.
I've tried to explain to him that it's nothing to do with being good, anything could have happened in his absence, but he thinks I'm overreacting.
Also I can't help but feel slightly annoyed with the other mum, probably because she's unwittingly caught a glimpse of how our laid back approach to parenting has in fact turned out to be just laziness and irresponsibility. I know she'll probably gossip now and I'm so ashamed.
How would you all feel if your husband did this?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1499779815 · 14/07/2017 17:44

Dead, yes we're totally safe with baby gates, furniture fixed to the walls, cabinet locks on the kitchen cupboards etc.
I think the bottom line is that people's kids and their behaviour must vary quite dramatically. We know our children and we know what we can and can't trust them to do. It's not like they've never been left before whilst I go down the garden or upstairs to tidy up. There's never been an issue with them behaving badly or doing something dangerous when they've been told to 'be good. I'll be right back'. So although DH knew he was taking a risk he felt that it was so small it wasn't really worth worrying about.
I'm still pissed off about the interfering other mum, but I accept that she doesn't think what happened was acceptable. I don't, however, accept her gossiping about us behind our backs. Particularly when her OH is driving around pissed up with her kids in the car. Not only is he risking their lives, but everyone else's and their kids too.

OP posts:
Jenna43 · 14/07/2017 22:49

Would it be terrible to text her

"Hi gossip(real name obv), I've heard from a few people you're not happy with DH and what happened the other morning when I was upstairs. This is quite upsetting for us as DC were safe at all times. I imagine you'd feel the same if I was gossiping about your husband when he was drink driving with your kids in the car."

There's no way she would show anyone that text so it might just shut her up.

Original poster
user1499779815 · 18/07/2017 18:35

Oh my God. I just received a message from her with a link to an article about child neglect. She's just got a mouth full from me.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 18:42

I send one back about child endangerment through drunk driving! Cheeky cunt that she is!

Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 18:43

I'd not I

gamerwidow · 18/07/2017 18:53

OP ignore this crazy woman. Nothing you can say will change her mind don't think you need to start justifying and explaining your actions to her, you don't. If anyone else asks about the incident just say 'yes DH was a bit daft don't worry it won't happen again' and leave it at that.
No reason why you shouldn't have your lie in and no reason why DH can't do by himself on 1 day what you manage to do 6 days a week.

supermoon100 · 18/07/2017 18:55

I'm not sure what the crime is here. You were in the house. He only popped out briefly. Your school mum friend is an interfering busiebody, but the lie in thing is a bit odd. Not because women aren't allowed lie ins but surely the witching hour of getting kids to school is the craziest time to have a lie in. No way would I let my partner do that. So your dh is meant to take all 3 kids out of the house just to drop off the eldest? Crazy

Konichiwagoodbye · 18/07/2017 19:03

You could've been upstairs putting away washing or taking a shit? Hmm

Send a message back about the drunk driving.

Konichiwagoodbye · 18/07/2017 19:04

And then continue with a warning that if she continues to slander you to others you'll take it further

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 18/07/2017 19:30

What did you say in reply to her message about child neglect?

Original poster
user1499779815 · 18/07/2017 20:22

I told her that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. If she wants to have a go at someone for child neglect or endangerment she should take it up with her OH. I told her she's boiled my piss now and our friendship is over.
I'm so angry. Silly bitch.

OP posts:
Dukesofhazzard · 18/07/2017 20:49

Good for you, she had that coming to her.

Strokethefurrywall · 18/07/2017 20:56

Groupie, I feel really sorry for you. That sounds awful, and your children must be a real handful. x

oooh solid burn OP, well done Grin (am being serious, excellent response to a ridiculous post)

Glad you told the knobber friend where to get off.

headinhands · 18/07/2017 21:00

She was concerned. I get upset when people call this sort of normal concern interfering. If children are being put at risk it's not interfering, it's caring. She wasn't disgusted that she saw your kids eating a Gregg's.

Original poster
user1499779815 · 18/07/2017 21:28

Head, you'll have to stay upset then. She's an interfering bitch.
And you should be more upset with her OH than anyone else. Our kids are not put at risk. My husband knows he made a minor error of judgement and promises me he'll never do it again.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 21:33

head did you read the bit where the nosy woman's husband drove drunk with her kids and she minimised it?

Original poster
user1499779815 · 18/07/2017 21:37

Supermoon, I get the point that you're making. But we live right next door to the school, so it's not difficult to get three children dressed and out of the house by 9 o clock to walk next door. Our toddler often makes the short trip in her breakfast spattered pyjamas. Our 6 year old gets herself dressed and gets her own cereal and our 3 year old is learning to dress himself and make his bed with some success. They're not difficult to look after, they're a pleasure.
I get three kids off to school four mornings of the week single handed, so I don't see why a man can't muster it one morning a week. It would be better if I could have my lie in on a weekend, true. But my husband works in retail so usually works the weekends. I have my lie in one morning a week when he's off.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1499779815 · 18/07/2017 21:37

Jesus. I can't believe I'm back to explaining the lie in. Confused

OP posts:
Strokethefurrywall · 18/07/2017 22:00

Because OP, you're a woman, and a mother - did you not receive the memo when the sperm met the egg that explained that for the rest of your life, you should always, always, always put everyone else first, be able to read minds, stop your DH from making a (relatively minor) mistake and above all else, never be allowed a lie in because, god dammit, you're a mother now and you should need things like rest???

Tsk tsk.

Original poster
user1499779815 · 18/07/2017 22:41

Ha! Stroke, ain't that the truth! x

OP posts:
WellThisIsShit · 18/07/2017 22:55

Wow, by her latest actions she sounds after the drama, which is annoying rather than concerned and helpful.

As an aside, was shocked to see the first few posts which were all about the lie in. Weird and disproportionate.

Women are allowed sleep. Shock horror.

jarhead123 · 18/07/2017 23:02

You were in the house though, sure you'd have woken up if one had cried out or something. Not ideal, but not a drama either

SonicBoomBoom · 18/07/2017 23:06

I think she is maybe projecting. Or deflecting.

Definitely her issues with her drink driving DH are causing her to overreact like this.

headinhands · 19/07/2017 03:47

What her husband did doesn't make your husbands actions safe. I'm guessing it has never occurred to you to leave them if your DH was asleep upstairs?

Hapaxlegomenon · 19/07/2017 05:44

Your DH was wrong to leave the kids unsupervised, and should have woken you up. Having said that I'm not entirely sure why a grown adult 'needs' a lie in once a week. I am a WP and am up at 4:30 every weekday and 5:30 weekends. DH is the one who works from home but he's up by 6am everyday. Usually woken by the DC in both cases. Neither of us 'need' a lie in. It's a treat when it occurs (usually when DC oversleep) but we'd never do it deliberately unless one of us issick - it's not fair on the person left to handle the kids alone

Whaaaat...why is it not fair for one person to handle the kids alone? I would prefer that one of us did it so the other could get a nice rest. Certainly wouldn't be getting my husband up so that it was 'fair'. Sad times.

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