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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset he left the kids but also that she's interfering?

176 replies

user1499779815 · 11/07/2017 14:58

Yesterday I got a message from one of the mum's I talk to on the school run. She said that in the playground at 9am she saw my husband who was dropping out 6 year old daughter off for school. She asked him if I was about because she wanted to borrow something from me. He replied that I was at home but she could walk back with him if she liked. They then both walked back to our house, which is actually next door to the school.
When they got to our house my husband opened the front door and it was clear at that stage that he'd left our 4 year old son in the front room watching telly along with his 18 month old baby sister. I was upstairs in bed, having my weekly lie in and completely unaware that the two younger kids were alone in the front room.
She said that she wanted me to know what he'd done and I thanked her for letting me know. Now I'm gutted, not only that my husband left our kids but above all that he allowed someone to witness this and call in to question our ability as responsible parents. I suspect that the other mum will now go and tell a few people in the school yard that we leave our children unattended and inevitably the story will evolve as it's passed down the line and turn in to something really awful.
My husband says that he was running late and so told our son to just watch telly for 5 minutes and mind his little sister. He was popping next door to the school and would be right back. If he needed anything Mummy was just upstairs. Apparently our little boy was quite happy to be left and when husband returned with friend both kids were just playing quietly and the door to the front room was still closed. He doesn't think it was a big deal because they are both very well behaved.
I've tried to explain to him that it's nothing to do with being good, anything could have happened in his absence, but he thinks I'm overreacting.
Also I can't help but feel slightly annoyed with the other mum, probably because she's unwittingly caught a glimpse of how our laid back approach to parenting has in fact turned out to be just laziness and irresponsibility. I know she'll probably gossip now and I'm so ashamed.
How would you all feel if your husband did this?

OP posts:
ladystarkers · 12/07/2017 11:57

Ps yeah I think the school parent is a nosey fecker but don't worry about the gossiping, it will pass.

AmberNectarine · 12/07/2017 16:07

requesting I think there is a world of difference if you are awake and aware children are in the house, as opposed to asleep and unaware.

Ellapaella · 12/07/2017 16:51

Op I wasn't referring to you - I get that you were pissed off about it, I'm referring to all the other people who have come on here that are minimising it and making out it's no big deal.

Ellapaella · 12/07/2017 16:52

Thank you willow i have read the full thread - really don't need you to tell me off thanks!

Getoutofthatgarden · 12/07/2017 16:53

Your DH was wrong to leave the kids unsupervised, and should have woken you up. Having said that I'm not entirely sure why a grown adult 'needs' a lie in once a week. I am a WP and am up at 4:30 every weekday and 5:30 weekends. DH is the one who works from home but he's up by 6am everyday. Usually woken by the DC in both cases. Neither of us 'need' a lie in. It's a treat when it occurs (usually when DC oversleep) but we'd never do it deliberately unless one of us issick - it's not fair on the person left to handle the kids alone

Sounds hellish. So basically neither of you can cope on your own with the kids? Why does it take 2 of you "to handle the kids"? Just because your kids wake you up and you don't 'need' a lie in, doesn't mean it's wrong for other people to do/want so.

Original poster
user1499779815 · 12/07/2017 21:15

So I saw the mum in question at pick up time today. She again went on a long tirade about how she didn't want to interfere but she was shocked by what she saw. She would be furious if it was her partner etc, etc. I refrained from mentioning the drink driving and said that DH knows it was a stupid thing to do and he won't do it again. She then assured me that she 'won't tell anyone' which I took for code that she'll tell everyone.
Yes, I'm quite surprised that some people have made it all about my lie in. I assume these are the same people who are perfect in every way and are also constantly in competition with everyone else to be the tiredest person in the world. Groupie, I feel really sorry for you. That sounds awful, and your children must be a real handful. x

OP posts:
0ccamsRazor · 12/07/2017 21:50

Blimey it is like walking into some weird parallel universe reading this thread! Ffs some replies are really fucking over the top as well as misogynistic. A woman having a lie in, who ever heard of such a thing? < sarcasm

Op if the woman brings it up again, say yes was not the best way of dealing with things, but sometimes husbands can be rather unthinking don't you think? Just look at your dh's stupidity at drink driving with children in the car Shock

I hope that your dh sees his error, I am sure that this was a thankfully gentle lesson he has learned. No one was hurt, this time, Gin < for you Op.

Floggingmolly · 12/07/2017 22:24

Why do you think I won't tell anyone is "code" for I'll tell everyone? You're a bit of a dramatist, op, if so may say so.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 12/07/2017 22:36

What a drama of a thread?

Presumably none of you have ever dozed off in an armchair whilst the children are quietly playing - or indeed been in such a deep sleep at 4am when the little pickles decide to get up and empty the contents of the fridge on the kitchen floor ...... do you all sleep on a shift-rota basis with your partners, thus allowing one pair of adult eyes to be fully open at any time? and lone parents amongst you ... is your radar so finely attuned that you never fully sleep?

I'm another in the 'cant get worked up about this' group.

I read these threads and fully understand why some people are so miserably dejected because they cannot even use the lavatory alone.

emmyrose2000 · 13/07/2017 02:19

I refrained from mentioning the drink driving

Ironically, the mum who called my husband out on leaving our kids told me last month that she was upset with her partner for a long list of things, one of which was drunk driving with her two children in the car

Don't refrain next time. Just tilt your head to the side, and breezily say "huh. Well, I guess it'd be better if DH just drove drunk with the kids in the car instead then wouldn't it?" and walk away.

And for heaven's sake, stop beating yourself up up over this, and stop acknowledging her comments about it, and don't apologise to her. It's not shameful, so stop acting as though it is. Not every child can be watched 24 hours a day.

Notreallyarsed · 13/07/2017 08:27

Fucking hell, so judgy mum's DH gets pissed and drives their kids about? She's got a bloody cheek judging anyone!! Mind you, if she does spread it around you've got the perfect comeback don't you OP?

PinkPaeonies · 13/07/2017 08:51

Lots of pearl clutching

That is completely hilarious 😂 🤣🤣🤣

And totally on point.

Original poster
user1499779815 · 13/07/2017 20:08

Why do you think I won't tell anyone is "code" for I'll tell everyone? You're a bit of a dramatist, op, if so may say so.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1499779815 · 13/07/2017 20:09

Why do you think I won't tell anyone is "code" for I'll tell everyone? You're a bit of a dramatist, op, if so may say so.

Er...because she's told everyone. I just had a chat with another woman in the school run who's been filled in on all the shocking details.

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 13/07/2017 20:54

Why do you think I won't tell anyone is "code" for I'll tell everyone?

Maybe because most people that actually don't tell anyone don't bother to announce it?

Onhold · 13/07/2017 21:03

What is there to tell anyone? I don't get this at all.

Onhold · 13/07/2017 21:04

She told everyone that your children were watching TV while you were in bed?

Not exactly shocking gossip.

elevenclips · 13/07/2017 21:11

I think your dh did wrong leaving the 18mo just because at that age they can so easily have an accident - climb a chair and fall backwards, eat something small (non edible) they got their hands on etc.

All you need to do is have convo with dh to make sure this doesn't happen again and ignore any gossip.

Original poster
user1499779815 · 13/07/2017 21:35

My thoughts exactly. It's not a huge deal, but she seems to think my husband has done something utterly terrible. Just to clarify, this is not really about what my husband did. It's about the person he let witness it and her judging us.

OP posts:
crocodilesoup · 13/07/2017 22:24

I am jealous that you can continue to sleep while three children get up, dressed, eat etc. At least one would have woken me long before school bell time. Can't remember when I managed to keep sleeping if any of them were in the house, they have robbed me of deep sleep!

ilovegin112 · 13/07/2017 22:59

So you are more worried by the fact this person saw, than the fact your dh left your 4yr old in charge of an 18mth old

Original poster
user1499779815 · 14/07/2017 00:25

Gin, no. No I am not more bothered by her seeing what he did than what he actually did. But we've spoken about it, I understand why he did it and I know he will never do it again. Problem solved.
But her seeing and judging and gossiping is much harder to deal with.

OP posts:
SonicBoomBoom · 14/07/2017 08:00

Gin, no. No I am not more bothered by her seeing what he did than what he actually did.

It's very clear that you are, OP.

Original poster
user1499779815 · 14/07/2017 16:32

I've explained why. He won't do it again. She can't be handled in the same way.
But if you prefer it that way, then ok. I'm more bothered by the gossip telling everyone we're bad parents than I am by my very apologetic husband.

OP posts:
deadringer · 14/07/2017 16:54

Assuming your house is safe and baby proof none of this would bother me one bit and i would tell this mum so. Surely if the school is next door the 6 year old could go by herself, or your dh could just walk her to your front gate and watch her go in.

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