To be upset he left the kids but also that she's interfering?

[user1499779815]

Yesterday I got a message from one of the mum's I talk to on the school run. She said that in the playground at 9am she saw my husband who was dropping out 6 year old daughter off for school. She asked him if I was about because she wanted to borrow something from me. He replied that I was at home but she could walk back with him if she liked. They then both walked back to our house, which is actually next door to the school.
When they got to our house my husband opened the front door and it was clear at that stage that he'd left our 4 year old son in the front room watching telly along with his 18 month old baby sister. I was upstairs in bed, having my weekly lie in and completely unaware that the two younger kids were alone in the front room.
She said that she wanted me to know what he'd done and I thanked her for letting me know. Now I'm gutted, not only that my husband left our kids but above all that he allowed someone to witness this and call in to question our ability as responsible parents. I suspect that the other mum will now go and tell a few people in the school yard that we leave our children unattended and inevitably the story will evolve as it's passed down the line and turn in to something really awful.
My husband says that he was running late and so told our son to just watch telly for 5 minutes and mind his little sister. He was popping next door to the school and would be right back. If he needed anything Mummy was just upstairs. Apparently our little boy was quite happy to be left and when husband returned with friend both kids were just playing quietly and the door to the front room was still closed. He doesn't think it was a big deal because they are both very well behaved.
I've tried to explain to him that it's nothing to do with being good, anything could have happened in his absence, but he thinks I'm overreacting.
Also I can't help but feel slightly annoyed with the other mum, probably because she's unwittingly caught a glimpse of how our laid back approach to parenting has in fact turned out to be just laziness and irresponsibility. I know she'll probably gossip now and I'm so ashamed.
How would you all feel if your husband did this?

irvine, it's more that it is completely irrelevant, as there aren't indications that the husband was complaining about the OP having a lie-in. If they'd had a big falling out over whether he should be taking them all out or not, then it would be relevant (and you'd still probably get a flaming...) The issue is that he didn't even mention that he was leaving them and seemed to think it was safe to do so.

Op we all make mistakes - not hard when your under pressure with small DC, just forget about it - honestly, nothing happened you both got lucky....

Just reading some of the comments designed to make me feel like a horrid person for wanting to have a lie in once a week. But nope....nothing. Not an ounce of guilt felt here.

Maybe we've been lucky so far but there's never been an incident of one of our kids wandering off, trying to escape, drawing on the walls, trying to flush Barbie down the loo. They are supervised at all times (or so I thought) and are pretty well behaved and responsible. I don't have an issues with going down the garden to peg washing out, or nipping off for a shower. I just leave doors open and do lots of shouting.

OP I like your style, I've got 3 too and they're not Velcro-ed to me at all times, they run about the house and garden (enclosed I might add) with gay abandon while I'm doing housework and we pootle along just fine. not jealous of the lie in, no not me I do envy you a lie in though!

Having a lie in regardless of the day fine.
What your husband did,meh can't get too worked up about it,there was another adult in the house. It depends on the kids though.
Just reply to her "Yes,I know. I was upstairs ." Don't get into the whole debacle of being asleep or not,knowing or not etc.

And this is why you need a TV upstairs/in your bedroom with a playpen next to it. And a bowl of popcorn they can throw at you/aim at your open mouth whilst you are snoring.

But you don't know they're supervised at all times. You only know about this time because someone else told you about it. Was this the only time? Would you know?

I think the difference is your in the garden or another roomt you are aware your shouting through ect. You where upstairs asleep if the 18 month old started to choke for example how long would it take the 4 year old to realise something was wrong? Then tbey have to get upstairs and wake you. Also kids dont always react how you expect my husband when a young child was out with his brother and his brother got knocked over( hes was fine really but my husband just ran away all the way home to get his parents and left his brother there. I think it was fine you where having a lie in a its your husbands fault he should have taken them all and left you for your lie in. If he couldnt do this he should have woke you . I understand why you are upset about the other mum. Its horrible as you know your husband made a mistake and now feel people will be judging you. You did nothing wrong though you didnt know. I would be cross with my husband and want to make sure he didnt do it again.

My now 2 year old at 18 months would have been likely to climb up on windowsills and any other furniture he could find, put everything interesting he saw in his mouth for a good chomp - tried to draw on the walls or one of many other 'adventurous' things. I'm sorry but I really don't think that it's acceptable to leave an 18 month old unattended with a 4 year old for the length of time it would have taken to walk to school and back. The 4 year old shouldn't be given responsibility for keeping an eye on the little one or preventing accidents. That said the op didn't know they were unattended and I'm sure she'll make sure it doesn't happen again. However this woman was right to tell the op and right to be concerned. I hope the DH has taken on board that it isn't a safe thing to do.

• re-assuring them and tell them what to do if there is a problem (wake up the other adult in the house).

You really think that's a reasonable expectation of a 4-year-old?

Wow.*

Firstly, what crisis do you expect to break out that would stop a NT 4-year-old to stop running or shouting for their mum in the 5 minutes it takes dad to drop the eldest dc to school?
Secondly, yes I expect a 4-year-old to that has been left in a secure environment with a simple instructions ("get mum") to follow them.
Unless their das left them with a block of knives this was a perfectly safe thing to do.

No actual children were harmed in the making of this thread.

If the school's right next door why does the 6 yr old need walking there?

Anyway, YNBU. DH handled it all pretty clumsily

Why was your husband bringing her back to the house to speak to you if he thought you were fast asleep in bed?,

I wouldn't beat yourself or him up. Make sure he doesn't leave baby unattended again.

Tbh id be pissed off having to drag 3 kids out to school when you could easily have had them with you. Its 845, not 645.

I Think you need to reschedule or interrupt your lie in and I dont say this to make you feel shitty. Having baby set up to play near you and being awake enough to leave 4yo on tv is fine.

I think the other mum should take her judgy pants and get lost.

Mickey, she wanted to borrow something. He came home with her and gave her the item she needed.

Leaving them unsupervised was not ok, imo.

However its not her fault and she wasnt interfereing. She was telling you what happened.

You are embarrassed. So angry at her when it should be just dh you are annoyed at.

Don't feel guilty for having a lay in. I also got showers etc when the kids were younger.

But leaving 2 kids under 4 alone isnt ok. But thats your dhs fault.

And yes, Rebel had the right response to gossipymom: a simple text saying "Yes I know, I was upstairs." was the way to go, before tearing your husband's bollocks off in private. You could have added you didn't come down to see her because you looked like shit. Unless she heard you snoring she wouldn't know. Also you could have had the baby monitor in bed with you, Nessa style. You didn't but you could have. Your DH should have brought the kids up to you, you both know that, but it's done now. I wouldn't lose any more sleep over it, she let you know, if she had wanted to she could have flagged it elsewhere.

It happens and we all do things, I am positive it will never happen again. If anything is mentioned just say what you told us, and how upset both of you are about this.
But please don't let this cause a row, because I bet everyone of us have done something like this.

The school was next door, and you were in the house. I dont think its a massive deal tbh.

People must have very very different children to me that they can be entirely trusted at 18 months and 4 years. DD would have climbed on the furniture, eaten anything inedible she could have found, worked out how the door locks worked and left home.

I never had the sort of 18 month olds who could be left like that. Aged 4 with a parent in the house asleep, no problem for a few minutes.

Thank you all. I don't think it's a big deal either, I'm just upset to have received a message making out like my husband has committed some sort of hanging offence. I'm just going to ignore it and get in with my day now.
It's daft really, but I don't have a lot of friends. I usually find that people let you down in some way or another or stab you in the back so I opt to not bother with them much. I know she's not at fault here, but this incident makes me want to completely withdraw from the friend involved.

Nah not worth losing a mate over unless she does actually stab you in the back by telling all and sundry or contacting child protection.

That being the case. Text your friend back with 'not your circus, not your monkey'