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AIBU?

To be upset he left the kids but also that she's interfering?

176 replies

user1499779815 · 11/07/2017 14:58

Yesterday I got a message from one of the mum's I talk to on the school run. She said that in the playground at 9am she saw my husband who was dropping out 6 year old daughter off for school. She asked him if I was about because she wanted to borrow something from me. He replied that I was at home but she could walk back with him if she liked. They then both walked back to our house, which is actually next door to the school.
When they got to our house my husband opened the front door and it was clear at that stage that he'd left our 4 year old son in the front room watching telly along with his 18 month old baby sister. I was upstairs in bed, having my weekly lie in and completely unaware that the two younger kids were alone in the front room.
She said that she wanted me to know what he'd done and I thanked her for letting me know. Now I'm gutted, not only that my husband left our kids but above all that he allowed someone to witness this and call in to question our ability as responsible parents. I suspect that the other mum will now go and tell a few people in the school yard that we leave our children unattended and inevitably the story will evolve as it's passed down the line and turn in to something really awful.
My husband says that he was running late and so told our son to just watch telly for 5 minutes and mind his little sister. He was popping next door to the school and would be right back. If he needed anything Mummy was just upstairs. Apparently our little boy was quite happy to be left and when husband returned with friend both kids were just playing quietly and the door to the front room was still closed. He doesn't think it was a big deal because they are both very well behaved.
I've tried to explain to him that it's nothing to do with being good, anything could have happened in his absence, but he thinks I'm overreacting.
Also I can't help but feel slightly annoyed with the other mum, probably because she's unwittingly caught a glimpse of how our laid back approach to parenting has in fact turned out to be just laziness and irresponsibility. I know she'll probably gossip now and I'm so ashamed.
How would you all feel if your husband did this?

OP posts:

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SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 11/07/2017 16:04

I'd actually be more pissed off that he didn't tell the woman you were having a lie in and shed have to catch you tomorrow!

HipsterHunter · 11/07/2017 16:09

Bloody hell how is this the OPs fault? She manages to get all the children up and out the other days of the week!

StormTreader · 11/07/2017 16:14

What was the expected plan? Seems like getting three kids ready and dressed and shoes on and out just to drop one off literally next door is an awful lot of hassle.

Huskylover1 · 11/07/2017 16:17

Why didn't you just tell her that she'd misunderstood, and that you had just nipped to the loo? That aside, what your DH did was pretty stupid. Accidents can happen in seconds.

VeuveLilies · 11/07/2017 16:18

Can't you just tell her you were in the house?
On the toilet or in the shower?

hiccupgirl · 11/07/2017 16:19

I don't really get the angst here. Surely you could have just told her that you were aware the kids were downstairs and therefore no problem.

And then tell your DH never to do that again.

KoalaDownUnder · 11/07/2017 16:20

Well, presumably the DH said something like 'She's upstairs having a lie-in'.

Maccapacca88 · 11/07/2017 16:21

Presumably you also have to shit and shower occasionally? No worse than that I wouldn't think. I doubt it would have crossed my mind to even mention it to you honestly.

requestingsunshine · 11/07/2017 16:22

Don't worry about it, I can't see the problem. You were in the house and your 4 year old would have been more than capable of yelling for you if there was a problem. If the school is next door it would have been what less than 5 minutes? I've spent longer hanging out washing or on the loo whilst mine watched tv or played with toys in the front room.

user1499779815 · 11/07/2017 16:25

When she asked where I was husband apparently said 'upstairs in bed' and then went off to get the article she wanted to borrow.

OP posts:

someonestolemynick · 11/07/2017 16:26

You were in the house and the kids were safely watching telly. Your DH did absolutely the right thing: telling the kids what was happening, re-assuring them and tell them what to do if there is a problem (wake up the other adult in the house).

The other mum was interfering
If you must be angry be angry at her.

KoalaDownUnder · 11/07/2017 16:29

I'd think that meant you were asleep. Because if you were awake, I'd assume your DH would have called you down before he left the house.

So I guess she was worried that he'd left two little children at home with an adult asleep on another floor.

lalalalyra · 11/07/2017 16:29

Was your 18 month old in a playpen or something?

I'd be too angry at an 18 month old and 4 year old unsupervised to be bothered about the neighbour. The 4 year old for a few minutes is fine, but an 18 month old? No chance.

paxillin · 11/07/2017 16:29

The only thing I wouldn't have done is thank her for letting me know. A WTF face would have been better so she knows not to interfere again.

alltouchedout · 11/07/2017 16:30

but above all that he allowed someone to witness this and call in to question our ability as responsible parents

No, really, your main concern should not be that he let someone else see the problem, it should be the problem itself.

user1495025590 · 11/07/2017 16:30

I can't get worked up about this.The school was only next door and you were in the house

user789653241 · 11/07/2017 16:33

Stick, the thing is, it's "the choice" to have children, and take care of them.

KoalaDownUnder · 11/07/2017 16:34

, re-assuring them and tell them what to do if there is a problem (wake up the other adult in the house).

You really think that's a reasonable expectation of a 4-year-old?

Wow.

Eminybob · 11/07/2017 16:39

I think I'm not getting something here. Were you expecting your husband to take the 2 younger children with him when he took the older one to school? Wouldn't that be a complete pain the arse? Wouldn't it be easier for you to get up for 5 mins to keep an eye on them then go back to bed?

And how does the friend know you were in bed and not just upstairs on the loo or something?

BoozaySuzay · 11/07/2017 16:40

Too right you deserve some time off! Would've asked how you would've felt had he done it and no one seen. I imagine you would've been annoyed, but not to the extent you are now.

Mistakes happen, especially in the circumstances you're describing. Your children sound very well behaved and I believe your DH would not have done anything if he had seen the risk.

Olympiathequeen · 11/07/2017 16:47

Ultimately you can't leave an 18 month old toddler in the care of a 4 year old. It's irresponsible however much you deserve a lie in. Couldn't your husband pop the little one into a sling for 5 minutes and take Hume/her with him. A 4 year old could come upstairs if he had a problem provided all kettles, electricals, windows etc were secured. .....mind you, DS (4) made himself a slice of toast when I was in the garden.

bimbobaggins · 11/07/2017 16:47

I think I have to agree with user. The mum was in the house while the dad took the child next door to school. two well behaved kids left for a matter of minutes with parent in the house.
I could have been out my house longer getting something from my freezer in my garage!

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LML83 · 11/07/2017 16:48

Try not to worry about gossips. You have done nothing wrong, neither has your husband. There was an adult in the house and the other only gone a few mins.

I would think badly of the gossip if she passed that story to me i am sure most would. Those who would think it's a scandal aren't worth bothering about (and will be judging someone else tomorrow).

RB68 · 11/07/2017 16:52

The issue here is he didn't make you aware that he was leaving them. Were you aware it would be fine. Just remind DH if he wants to do that its fine, can he just let you know.

I would then pad down in Jammies to get a cuppa and breakkie as it would be 8.45 by then at least and lets face it its never a real lie in with all the racket three kids and an adult getting ready make

4 and 18mths is just too young even for such a short distance and well behaved kids. I really don't think u7 should be left at all - he needs to get them all half way decent and walk them in - even if its jammies under coat and shoes or wellies

CheeseAndOnionIcecream · 11/07/2017 16:53

I think part of the problem here is that many people seem to think that you need to justify having a lie-in. I don't mean MNers in particular,I mean people in general. It sounds like you do your fair share of the work OP,HAVING 3 young children to care for is a full-time job in itself. So once a week you have a lie-in? Big deal. You've earned it. Maybe your DH should have told you he was leaving the younger 2 behind while he was gone,but he didn't,and no doubt after you've spoken to him about,he won't do it again.

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