To be upset he left the kids but also that she's interfering?

[user1499779815]

Yesterday I got a message from one of the mum's I talk to on the school run. She said that in the playground at 9am she saw my husband who was dropping out 6 year old daughter off for school. She asked him if I was about because she wanted to borrow something from me. He replied that I was at home but she could walk back with him if she liked. They then both walked back to our house, which is actually next door to the school.
When they got to our house my husband opened the front door and it was clear at that stage that he'd left our 4 year old son in the front room watching telly along with his 18 month old baby sister. I was upstairs in bed, having my weekly lie in and completely unaware that the two younger kids were alone in the front room.
She said that she wanted me to know what he'd done and I thanked her for letting me know. Now I'm gutted, not only that my husband left our kids but above all that he allowed someone to witness this and call in to question our ability as responsible parents. I suspect that the other mum will now go and tell a few people in the school yard that we leave our children unattended and inevitably the story will evolve as it's passed down the line and turn in to something really awful.
My husband says that he was running late and so told our son to just watch telly for 5 minutes and mind his little sister. He was popping next door to the school and would be right back. If he needed anything Mummy was just upstairs. Apparently our little boy was quite happy to be left and when husband returned with friend both kids were just playing quietly and the door to the front room was still closed. He doesn't think it was a big deal because they are both very well behaved.
I've tried to explain to him that it's nothing to do with being good, anything could have happened in his absence, but he thinks I'm overreacting.
Also I can't help but feel slightly annoyed with the other mum, probably because she's unwittingly caught a glimpse of how our laid back approach to parenting has in fact turned out to be just laziness and irresponsibility. I know she'll probably gossip now and I'm so ashamed.
How would you all feel if your husband did this?

[user789653241]

LML83, I think most accidents happen when most unexpected.

[TheHiphopopotamus]

The lie-in is a red herring here tbh. It doesn't matter what day of the week the OP stays in bed or doesn't, or even that she was in the house. The kids at that moment were the responsibility of the DH.

What does matter is that the DH left a 4 year old apparently babysitting an 18 month old. And the OP seems more bothered that someone other than family knows this, than the fact that the DH did it. I can't believe anyone would think this is ok.

[Notreallyarsed]

The lie-in is a red herring here tbh. It doesn't matter what day of the week the OP stays in bed or doesn't, or even that she was in the house. The kids at that moment were the responsibility of the DH.

This!!!

[Goingtobeawesome]

You've no right to be annoyed with the other mum for seeing this but every right to slap her verbally if she gossips.

You may have been upstairs but you didn't know they were downstairs. It's quite possible you randomly got up and went out without going into the front room or hearing the kids. Worse case, dh doesn't go home, you shop for the day and the kids are alone all day.

Asking a four year old to watch a toddler is really unfair too.

[user789653241]

" many people seem to think that you need to justify having a lie-in."

Yes you do, you decided to have a children yourself. Nobody forced to you to have them. So, it's your responsibility to make sure they are safe.

[Pleasestoplickingthetv]

I've got a 5yr old and 18 nth old and am anxious getting in the shower because the 18mth old can trash a room in seconds! That's without climbing on a table!

[steppemum]

I once did the school run (we could see the school from our front door) leaving my nearly 2 year old with dh, who works from home.

He thought it was so close and such a short length of time that he would go upstairs in our thick alled sound proof cottage and start work on his computer.

When I got back dd2 had filled her nappy, and then removed it and trodden the pooh all over the floor. She had found a purple felt tip pena nd had drawn all over the wall, the doors, the radiators, the bath, the sink, the shower curtain, the floor and herself.
Rented house, the pen wouldn't wash off anything except the bath/sink

It happens, we make a bad call, I asusme as you were upstairs he though it was OK. Well it wasn't, lesson learnt.

[SonicBoomBoom]

I am assuming OP was enjoying her lie in, completely assuming that her DH had brought the 4yo and 18mo with him.

Or did you know he only brought your eldest on the school run when he does it, and that's why you're embarrassed and ashamed?

[Nelly5678]

They weren't alone. You were in the house. Get a grip

[SonicBoomBoom]

Yes you do, you decided to have a children yourself. Nobody forced to you to have them. So, it's your responsibility to make sure they are safe.

What the heck?! Her DH was responsible for them at this time. HE should have made sure they were safe. This is not the OP's fuck up. The DC have two parents. Their dad was meant to be looking after them.

[Notreallyarsed]

Yes you do, you decided to have a children yourself. Nobody forced to you to have them. So, it's your responsibility to make sure they are safe.

OP left the kids in the care of their DAD not a feral bloody stranger ffs. Why the fuck shouldn't she have a lie in once a week???

[Totallypearshaped]

Bullshit irven, the OPs children have two parents. One of them fucked off and left them unsupervised without telling the other.

That is fuckwittery of the highest order.

OP you are entitled to how many lie ins you and your DH agree, as is he. Enough of the pofaced judgypants.. the OP seems to have a system worked out that suits her and her family.... except on this occasion the DH was a crap parent who left the children alone when you were unavailable and asleep.

Tell the other woman your DH was joking.... "a lie in, what's that?"

Read your children's other parent the fucking riot act.
They could have died, or wandered off. Nil points.

[TheMythOfFingerprints]

Does "lie in" mean something different than waking up later than usual to other people then?

It certainly doesn't mean get up and sort the dc then go back to bed once they're at school, or get up for 5 minutes because another actual grown up is a bit of a twat, and as far as I know they are actually allowed to be on any day of the week AND regardless of how many children you may have

[Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi]

Lots of pearl clutching about the husband dealing with 3 children on his own here! The OP does it herself every other day so why shouldn't she get one morning off?

This x 1000000 unbelievable, how many women do this with more dc single handedly all the time but when the woman wants a lie in for reasons we don't know and dont need to know its out rage and shock. I guess these posters think the Dh only helps out in his own house too!

Anyway My dh has popped out and left one dc with me when I have been in bed ( ill) from time to time but he lets me know!!

This is the strangest part I dont understand - why didnt he just say " i am popping out they are down stairs" OR simply bring them to you in bed and put telly on, not ideal but safe!

I will never ever forget watching a mum re count the morning her 2 year old died, one min she left her sat in front of the tv, she went to do a short chore and when she came back her dd had hung herself on a blind cord, in minuets.

Dont leave them. Have a lie in, dont worry about the woman. Yes she probably will gossip but try and ignore it - or laugh it off - but dont leave them. Naughty DH

[kaytee87]

Yes you do, you decided to have a children yourself. Nobody forced to you to have them. So, it's your responsibility to make sure they are safe.

What about the children's other parent? Is it not his responsibility too? Especially as he was the one who was Awake at the time

[user1499779815]

If he's been running late in the past, which does happen, he has sent the baby upstairs to be with me while he runs next door to the school. I don't know why he didn't do that this time round, and decided instead to just leave them.

[DameDeDoubtance]

He was responsible for the kids and he is the one who has cocked up, no one else. He should not have left kids this young unattended.

Seriously cannot believe anyone telling op she shouldn't have a lie in, kids have two parents.

[user1499779815]

Well yes Sonic, of course I assume he takes all three children with him when he leaves the house.

[Abra1d]

I can't get too worried about this.

[WannaBe]

Only on MN could a poster ask the question whether her DH was unreasonable for leaving to preschool aged children alone to then be questioned why she dared to have a lie in.....

He wasn't unreasonable for leaving them in the house as there was another adult there. What he did wrong was to not tell you that he'd left them, especially as he presumably didn't even know whether you were awake.

[Tofutti]

These threads all fall into two camps.

Those who have the insight to see that there is a reason why OP may be having a lie in on a school morning and those who think a woman should always be with her kids.

[whatsthecomingoverthehill]

It's not that it is unreasonable to have a lie in, or unusual for a parent to deal with 3 children. More that it just seems a faff to have to cart three children out of the house when there is someone there who could have them. But that's irrelevant to the issue anyway. The husband isn't complaining about doing the school run with them, just that he didn't see an issue with leaving them in the house with their mum in bed. Like someone else said, not a SS thing, but he clearly needs to know that it's not OK to do so without letting the OP know (as he has done before).

[paxillin]

Well he should at least have taken the 18 months old. He could have carried her in a onesie, so no extra job before leaving. The four year old is fine, he wasn't alone and he is old enough to wake mum if he needs anything.

[user789653241]

I knew I would get flamed!
Yeah, I am so unreasonable.

[Orangebird69]

Nelly, I'm with you. This whole thread is a bit