To be upset he left the kids but also that she's interfering?

[user1499779815]

Yesterday I got a message from one of the mum's I talk to on the school run. She said that in the playground at 9am she saw my husband who was dropping out 6 year old daughter off for school. She asked him if I was about because she wanted to borrow something from me. He replied that I was at home but she could walk back with him if she liked. They then both walked back to our house, which is actually next door to the school.
When they got to our house my husband opened the front door and it was clear at that stage that he'd left our 4 year old son in the front room watching telly along with his 18 month old baby sister. I was upstairs in bed, having my weekly lie in and completely unaware that the two younger kids were alone in the front room.
She said that she wanted me to know what he'd done and I thanked her for letting me know. Now I'm gutted, not only that my husband left our kids but above all that he allowed someone to witness this and call in to question our ability as responsible parents. I suspect that the other mum will now go and tell a few people in the school yard that we leave our children unattended and inevitably the story will evolve as it's passed down the line and turn in to something really awful.
My husband says that he was running late and so told our son to just watch telly for 5 minutes and mind his little sister. He was popping next door to the school and would be right back. If he needed anything Mummy was just upstairs. Apparently our little boy was quite happy to be left and when husband returned with friend both kids were just playing quietly and the door to the front room was still closed. He doesn't think it was a big deal because they are both very well behaved.
I've tried to explain to him that it's nothing to do with being good, anything could have happened in his absence, but he thinks I'm overreacting.
Also I can't help but feel slightly annoyed with the other mum, probably because she's unwittingly caught a glimpse of how our laid back approach to parenting has in fact turned out to be just laziness and irresponsibility. I know she'll probably gossip now and I'm so ashamed.
How would you all feel if your husband did this?

[Liiinoo]

When my DC were similar ages I wouldn't have thought anything of staying in bed while they were downstairs watching tv. It was a regular treat for them on a weekend or holiday morning. Surely this is very similar. A storm in a tea cup seems to be the appropriate expression.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

No wonder some people can do all the housework while being a SAHM. With children like this, I can see how!

Having seen a few fire videos and worked with firefighters, no way I would leave even very sensible 18 month old alone with a 4 year old without the other adult in the house being aware. DH and I hand off responsibility for DD now and she's 6.

[Groupie123]

Your DH was wrong to leave the kids unsupervised, and should have woken you up. Having said that I'm not entirely sure why a grown adult 'needs' a lie in once a week. I am a WP and am up at 4:30 every weekday and 5:30 weekends. DH is the one who works from home but he's up by 6am everyday. Usually woken by the DC in both cases. Neither of us 'need' a lie in. It's a treat when it occurs (usually when DC oversleep) but we'd never do it deliberately unless one of us issick - it's not fair on the person left to handle the kids alone.

[user1499779815]

MrsTerry, yes it's possible to keep the house nice and tidy, keep everyone's clothes clean and ironed, cook their meals and run a little business from home if your kids are well behaved. I think I just got lucky, whereas I know a few women who have very demanding children and therefore struggle to find time to eat, shower or shit in peace. I take my hat off to those women.
Fortunately fire is not a huge concern for me with the children. We don't have an open fire, I don't like candles or naked flames at all and the only matches we have are locked in the garage for use when we go camping. Neither of us smoke either. I understand that terrible things can happen in the blink of an eye, but they can happen if you're watching or not. Two little kids sitting together on the lounge floor watching telly for five minutes surely can't come to that much harm?
Ironically, the mum who called my husband out on leaving our kids told me last month that she was upset with her partner for a long list of things, one of which was drunk driving with her two children in the car.

[Brittbugs80]

What country do you live in? Technically, the children were not left on their own, you were in the house too. She knew you were there as your husband said that you were.

[user1499779815]

I'm English. x

[Gibble1]

Crikey! If it's my day off on a week day, I always have a lie in! Sometimes I'll have an afternoon nap too! It stems from having worked Nights for 11 years and now adjusting to workin days where I am up and out of the house at 7am nearly every morning as well as having to do club runs most evenings.

[Allthewaves]

He should have woke you

[MommaGee]

Youre9fully entitled to sleep when you want and have whoever looking after the kids if it works for you. Of course you are entitled to a lie in.

But I would be mad at DH. What if school had needed a word and he'd been longer?

[Ellapaella]

I think people are forgetting what 18 month olds can be like. I seriously can't believe anyone would think it was okay to be asleep while leaving a child that young downstairs, not just in a different room but on a different floor and thinking it was fair to make a 4 year old child responsible for their wellbeing.

[user1499779815]

Ellapaella, I don't think it's ok to be asleep on another floor leaving a 4 year old and an 18 month old to their own devices. As is the nature of sleep I was totally unaware of what was going on.

[Willow2017]

Gobsmacked at the opinions on here that the childrens FATHER was in charge of the kids that morning, but its their MOTHERS fault he left them alone!

WTAF? Surely a grown man is capable of looking after his own kids once a bloody week? Its not some miracle of nature that he did it while his lazy wife slept in ignoring her crying/hungry/neglected children!

He made a bad judgement call, lesson learned (OP there are plenty of things you can tell him to let him see why it wasnt a good idea and to not do it again) end of story.

Ella RTFT!

[Willow2017]

Allthewaves
Why should he have woken OP? It was her day for a lie in, it happens regularly and he looks after the kids the morning he is free, she does it every other day. He should have taken the kids with him to the school like OP has to do every other week day!
Why the hell is it OPs responsibility when the father has agreed to do it?

Groupie
Why shouldnt OP have a long lie now and again. Why is it anyone elses concern what time another adult gets up or goes to bed in someone elses relationship and works for them?

[Savelli]

I would be furious of DH did this. It's not ok at all, under no circumstances. The other mum obviously found it appalling to text you about it- she has been moved to actually flag this safeguarding issue to you. You and your husband are incredibly lucky that nothing untoward happened to your children.

[Savelli]

Why are some people saying the OP should help her husband with their children one day a week but not suggesting he helps her the six days a week she does it all alone?

[NC4now]

Can you see the school gate from the front of your house, with no roads to cross? I think I'd have been inclined to wave the six year old off from the front door and watch till they got in the yard, if that's possible.

[emmyrose2000]

People need to get a grip, and the so called friend needs to mind her own business.

If this woman came up to me in the playground to tell me the absolutely "scandalous" (not) news that your two kids were watching tv while you were in the house, I'd side eye her and wonder why she was telling me about such a non event.

[AmberNectarine]

Anyone who is saying this is fine - would you send your 4yo and 18mo downstairs on a Sunday morning unsupervised while you and your partner stayed in bed? Because I wouldn't and I'm bloody relaxed.

I have JUST got to the stage of doing this with my 7 and 6yo, and even then I make them breakfast first and go back to bed for an hour. Plus my 7yo is terribly officious and would immediately report anything untoward.

A 4yo is easily distracted and an 18mo has absolutely no sense. All it takes is for one of them to pull the TV down on top of them/fall and hit their head.

I would be hanging my DH out to dry if he did this. I'd also be grateful to that other mum.

[MommaGee]

But OP was fast asleep and assumed she was in an empty house so hearing random crying wouldn't necessarily have roused her . DH left a young child and a baby with no one looking after them. I'm not surprised the friend was shocked

[KoalaDownUnder]

Firstly, what crisis do you expect to break out that would stop a NT 4-year-old to stop running or shouting for their mum in the 5 minutes it takes dad to drop the eldest dc to school?
Secondly, yes I expect a 4-year-old to that has been left in a secure environment with a simple instructions ("get mum") to follow them.
Unless their das left them with a block of knives this was a perfectly safe thing to do.

I completely disagree.

No way is it okay to leave a 4-year-old essentially in charge of an 18-month-old. Even for 5 minutes. Guess we'll have to differ.

[emesis]

OP, you must feel a bit frustrated that some people are missing the point here!

Anyway, even if this Mum does gossip, what will the listener think hearing about it? Most likely "okay then..clueless move by the husband but who cares". I don't think it'll turn into a big gossipy drama.

The other Mum has far more to worry about with a drunk driving husband.

To answer her text I would have said "I know, not the best judgement on DH's part, we've had words". To shut her up. Defending the decision will fan her flame.

[paxillin]

OP won't have another relaxed lie-in until the youngest is at school now. She will traipse downstairs checking the kids haven't been left again. I'd be angry about that.

[Goingtobeawesome]

Bit of A drip feed there. If she does gossip about you, who incidentally has done nothing wrong, you can remind her that her kids are in a lot more danger with their drunk driving dad than yours were in a house with a sleeping parent.

[requestingsunshine]

Anyone who is saying this is fine - would you send your 4yo and 18mo downstairs on a Sunday morning unsupervised while you and your partner stayed in bed? Because I wouldn't and I'm bloody relaxed.

Yes. My 4 year old was the oldest of 3 and often at weekends the three of them would go downstairs and the 4 year old would make everyones cereal. Youngest would have been around 18 months at this stage. I'd follow on perhaps 5 or 10 minutes later after having a wee and sticking some clothes on to find them sat around the table eating cheerios.

[ladystarkers]

Op you have done nothing wrong. Why shouldn't you lie in? Anyway your DH was an idiot. I wouldn't have a problem with the 4 year old being downstairs while your asleep, but leaving an 18 month old with a 4 year old... Not on.