Lied to DH, do I just come clean?

[OverTheHammer]

I asked him if he'd mind me joining David Lloyd for £50 a month. He agreed but said "as long as its no more than £50 a month".

When I went to join up however I signed up for platinum account as I wanted Tennis included. Always loved playing tennis but never anyone to play with - the club hosts club nights where everyone just rotates so it's perfect for me.

When I got back he said "still definately £50 a month right?" And I didn't have the heart to tell him so I said it was just £50 a month.

The real price however is £65 a month. Not a massive difference but he won't be happy. First month they're only taking £50 as they have a special deal on but on 1st august, they'll take £65.

I thought in my head I'd just say the extra is a £15 one off joining few but I'm going to have to come clean arnt I?

Wow, so many different people out there. I think you should come clean, if he's that obsessed with money he's going to see it. BUT, why on earth does he have this control over you??? I don't think it's healthy and I think you need to address that. Best of luck x

Does he not want you to look good on those holidays ?
My partner is disabled (after a hit and run) so I bring in far more than she does, but I still see us as equal partners. if her spending often exceeds what little she brings in, so what ?
At present I'm about to have a knee operation so can't drive her to her two nights out a week, so will be paying her cab fare so she won't miss out.
Your husband needs to be reminded you can't take it with you, my partner also had stage 4 cancer (they only gave her 6 months) but she is in her 3rd year of remission, you tend to focus on whats important after that.

You have £2000 disposable income a month? Blimey. Which is usually 'frittered away' on takeaways etc?
I really think you need to question why you would lie to him about the £15 extra, with that amount of excess flying around. Is he controlling in other ways?

He doesn't do anything extra either but I get bored just living from work to home to work to home etc

You're his prisoner. Please try to see that.

You are scared of the husband and it is changing your behaviour. You are lying simply because you want to avoid a confrontation and bring 'told off'. OP, this is no way to live. You need to sit him down and tell him how much pressure you feel because of HIS approach to moneh. This is not healthy and it is certainly not normal.

I cannot believe you ask if you can have a gym membership and he said only if it's less than £50. He's not your father

Agree. I'd tell him that's how much it costs. You made the mistake of asking permission in the first place. When I started my hobby again I told dh I would be doing it, didn't mention cost.

Please please tell me which DL you are a member at? I pay about £80 at DL
Southampton without the tennis! Why bother lying? If it helps with your wellbeing that makes it a very positive spend in my book.

Could you afford to live on your own and have this membership from what you earn?

(I assume that you don't have children, as in that case you should count the money you save him by caring for his children for free towards your income)

If you could afford it, he is an abusive asshole and you need to get rid of him asap.

If you could not afford it on your own, he's still a twat. If he doesn't want to share his money with you, why have a shared bank account? You can keep your own account and he can keep his own account, in that case.

Completely agree with Persephone70. All I can think that if you've both come from backgrounds where money has been tight then there's a fear on his part maybe of there coming a time when you may be put back into that situation...but you point out that income is 'frittered' away...I'm utterly baffled at this and the concern over the amount and the larger concern you have of lying. Is there more to the whole lie than just the £15 difference?

This is a non-problem OP.
Just tell him what you've done and why you've done it.

As a PP has said, I can't help feeling that perhaps this is just an opp for a stealth boast....

Just say the tennis is an extra £15 a month which I love ... is he always so controlling over money?

You should tell him because he'll find out and it will create trust problems.

But you can tell him you PLAN to join for tennis from next month to ease it a.

Having said that, you shouldn't have to ask!

He sounds really controlling OP.
I was married to a guy who would 'lend' me money when I needed to pay for something big (Christmas toys for example) and write a contract which he would then make me sign . I had to be out of that marriage before I realised how awful it was.
As others have said just tell him it's £15 more than you thought, fifty was a special offer for the first month and leave it at that it's your money too honey don't forget that! x

I would just tell him too. I would hate to be in a relationship where I was worried about telling someone I had overspent by £15 a month unless we were living on the breadline.

Why would you ASK when you earn your own money !!???? Loads of cash in the bank and he is quibbling over £15?! Sounds miserable as anything.

Just say you're upgrading to add the tennis.

And if he starts talking, speak louder "OMG do you know what a bargain I've got, some DL gyms cost over £100 without tennis, we're so lucky! You should come too!". Just keep talking.

Hmm you're really paying £65 for Platinum at DL? It's well over double that here and we live in a cheap city. Which club are you a member at?

This is not a lying problem. This is a controlling husband problem.

You are mistaken if you think this is simply about a hangover from his humble past. This is about him being 'man of the house'.

If it was about money and having lots in the bank none of you would be ever eating takeaway for a start... but having lots of money in the bank is bullshit anyway when it leads to your wife not being able to spend £15 per month on leisure.

You didn't really lie, the first month cost £50.
Tell his to stop being such a tight wad.

I agree with all these posts. It's weird if he's happy to fritter money away on things like take away and yet queries a small spend on gym membership. It doesn't correlate so the only reason for it would be if he is controlling you and that is unpleasant and miserable and downright wrong. You're an adult so you need to sort this out. Conversely we're only hearing one side and maybe he wouldn't be that bothered, but you're just afraid of being honest And lack self-esteem. This would also need to be dealt with. Neither of these things are good. Nor is the third option of this being an opportunity to show off your wildly cheap membership and your disposable income (as some have suggested). Good luck and I hope you come to some good decisions.

One persons takeaway a month doesn't seem worth this stress. Why not have a different money system so you split the left over cash at the end if the month into your own accounts for "presents" and such like.

I cannot imagine my DH even limiting what I choose to spend on and we are in a bit of a tight spot right now. He trusts me to do the best for everyone that I can.

You "only" have 2K a month after bills.
There's millions of people who wish they had your problem. Talk about not knowing when youve got it good

Sorry op. Wrong end of the stick.
I really don't know why you're letting him dictate to you. You're earning your own money. He sounds like a control freak to be honest

So he doesn't mind spending for takeaways but minds extra £15??