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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lied to DH, do I just come clean?

193 replies

OverTheHammer · 11/07/2017 12:40

I asked him if he'd mind me joining David Lloyd for £50 a month. He agreed but said "as long as its no more than £50 a month".

When I went to join up however I signed up for platinum account as I wanted Tennis included. Always loved playing tennis but never anyone to play with - the club hosts club nights where everyone just rotates so it's perfect for me.

When I got back he said "still definately £50 a month right?" And I didn't have the heart to tell him so I said it was just £50 a month.

The real price however is £65 a month. Not a massive difference but he won't be happy. First month they're only taking £50 as they have a special deal on but on 1st august, they'll take £65.

I thought in my head I'd just say the extra is a £15 one off joining few but I'm going to have to come clean arnt I?

OP posts:
Original poster
OverTheHammer · 11/07/2017 13:01

I lied initially because I didn't think he'd agree to the £50 a month (he's said no when I've asked in the past).

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 11/07/2017 13:01

I don't get why you need permission for £15 a month. Does HE need YOUR permission for spending like this?

Ecureuil · 11/07/2017 13:02

If you can afford it, why is he saying no?

amusedbush · 11/07/2017 13:02

he's said no when I've asked in the past

He's forbidden you from joining the gym??

SolomanDaisy · 11/07/2017 13:03

What will he do if you tell him?

gamerchick · 11/07/2017 13:03

So why lie? Confused are you bored and fancy a row, is it just automatic to lie?

If youre comfortable then why does it matter?

MagentaRocks · 11/07/2017 13:03

I would be annoyed if my dh lied to me about what something costs. I do the finances in our house and I know what we have and what we can afford. If he wants to do something he will ask if we have the spare money for it - we usually do but if I had planned for a certain amount of spending and more money was coming out than I expected I would be pissed off as it would throw my figures out. I wouldn't say yes you can do something as long as it costs x amount for no reason though, he would say he wants to do something that costs x a month, can we afford it and do you mind.

SaucyJack · 11/07/2017 13:03

So is he just a tight prick then, or is there any justification at all for his controlling attitude to money?

Original poster
OverTheHammer · 11/07/2017 13:04

Because he doesn't like spending on one person luxuries. He doesn't do anything extra either but I get bored just living from work to home to work to home etc ... I need other stuff in my head. He's happy to spend all his free time at home on the computer but I'm younger and different, I need something else

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 11/07/2017 13:04

So why did you lie?
You mention you have a large amount of disposable income which just gets spent on various non-essentials - do you have history for spending more than your fair sure of the frittering money?

Alexkate2468 · 11/07/2017 13:04

I'd come clean. I can't handle lies and secrets in marriage. With that being said, if it's hardly a noticeable outgoing, I'm not sure why he's so intent on this limit. I have joint finances with my dh; he earns 3x what I do but he'd never set limits on what I spend s long as I want going to cause any financial problems for us. We discuss spending out of respect for each other and neither of us feel the need to hide anything... Although sometimes I do feel a bit 'naughty' when I bring home another pair of shoes.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 11/07/2017 13:04

If you have 2 k a month spare per month I can't really see an extra £15 being a problem.. only you know how your husband will react to it though, he SHOULDN'T behave like it's a problem.

sparechange · 11/07/2017 13:05

"DH, I misread the membership terms. It is £50 as an initial introduction rate and then it is going to go up a bit to £65. It's not like we will miss the money, and it is still a great deal, isn't it"

Job done, surely?

diddl · 11/07/2017 13:05

Why did you ask if you could have £50 a month?

Didn't you check prices first?

If you can afford the £65 & why not just tell him?

If I guessed at £50 & it was £65 but still easily affordable, my husband wouldn't care.

SapphireStrange · 11/07/2017 13:06

So the £15 you're spending on the gym he'd presumably spend on computer stuff, or snacks, or something else for himself?

he doesn't like spending on one person luxuries

Tough! You earn money too. Just tell him the truth and say you lied because you're sick of his attitude to money.

gamerchick · 11/07/2017 13:06

I lied initially because I didn't think he'd agree to the £50 a month (he's said no when I've asked in the past)

Well you know what you do? You get your own bank account, get your pay paid into it, put enough in to the pot to cover your share and have your own money so you don't have to ask like a little kid.

Notknownatthisaddress · 11/07/2017 13:07

Lying was just silly. It will come out eventually. Tell him.

bubblesagain · 11/07/2017 13:07

Don't lie, but if you have all that spare money that just goes on takeaway and other stuff, just say you went for the more expensive option because of tennis and maybe discuss if he wants to take an equal amount out and do a hobby or something for himself.

Whodoesthis17 · 11/07/2017 13:08

I would just tell him that it's more, explain you can make it less but you really want the Tennis bit, and then tell him since your claiming an extra £15 a month which is about £200 a year to make it fair he has £200 to buy something he wants as funny money.

Tell him this can be a one off thing like one of the go drive a race car, or maybe he has a hobby and would like to buy something for it. This way he can see your not being unfair, and he will have something he wants as well.

RedSkyAtNight · 11/07/2017 13:08

How much else do you spend a month on "just for you" non-essentials?

BarbaraofSeville · 11/07/2017 13:10

The fact that you work less and earn less is irrelevant. You are married. Do you do more housework/childcare? I bet that makes up more than the extra 10 hours he spends at work.

Does he worry about spending the odd few quid here and there? Is he usually controlling about money or are you making an issue where there isn't one?

What would be fairest, and allow you both to spend on what you want without the other commenting on what you spend it on would be for both of you to have a set amount for your own spends for whatever you want.

Make sure all essential household spends are covered, plus any child related expenses.

Allocate some to savings for annual/irregular/emergency spends like holidays, Christmas, insurance, loss of income, broken appliances, cars or pets etc.

Split the rest 50/50 and pay for your gym and tennis membership out of this, along with any other personal spends like clothes, haircuts, lunches, nights out with friends, etc etc. I would have thought you could afford maybe around £500 each on your incomes, so plenty for your gym membership?

BlondeGinger · 11/07/2017 13:10

What gamerchick said. Get your own account. Pay your half of the bills. Spend what you like on the gym.

Original poster
OverTheHammer · 11/07/2017 13:11

I rarely spend money on myself. I get my hair done once every 8 weeks or so (when the greys get noticeable!) don't buy make up and never socialise (or if I do it's a £10 coffee and lunch!)

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 11/07/2017 13:12

I find it odd that you have over £2k spare a month yet he would so much as blink over you spending £65 on something you enjoy to the extent you would lie about it in the 1st place?

BarbaraofSeville · 11/07/2017 13:12

Missed the posts about him not liking one person luxuries, but you are right, just because he doesn't want to do or buy anything, it shouldn't stop you paying for a tennis membership.