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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lied to DH, do I just come clean?

193 replies

OverTheHammer · 11/07/2017 12:40

I asked him if he'd mind me joining David Lloyd for £50 a month. He agreed but said "as long as its no more than £50 a month".

When I went to join up however I signed up for platinum account as I wanted Tennis included. Always loved playing tennis but never anyone to play with - the club hosts club nights where everyone just rotates so it's perfect for me.

When I got back he said "still definately £50 a month right?" And I didn't have the heart to tell him so I said it was just £50 a month.

The real price however is £65 a month. Not a massive difference but he won't be happy. First month they're only taking £50 as they have a special deal on but on 1st august, they'll take £65.

I thought in my head I'd just say the extra is a £15 one off joining few but I'm going to have to come clean arnt I?

OP posts:
Hissy · 11/07/2017 13:34

He can't have it both ways tho, eh OverTheHammer?

if it's not stressed him out before, why now?

Because YOU want to do something with your money?

You seriously need to change the language in your marriage.

You earn, you can spend. He earns, he can spend. You don't need to ask permission for minor expenditure that will have no detrimental effect on the household

Madonna9 · 11/07/2017 13:34

If you have so much money left to spend each month I honestly don't see why you ask you OH for permission.
But yeh, you should definitely come clean, he'll see it anyway.

Madonna9 · 11/07/2017 13:35

Also, I agree with what Anchor9 is saying.

"secondly, my DP and I put all our money in our joint account, then we each take out 500 to our personal accounts so we can spend it as we choose without the other person eyeballing. just an idea - keeps everything under control, maintains autonomy."

RhubardGin · 11/07/2017 13:36

You have over 2K left over each money to do with what you please and you're squabbling over £15?

Is this just a stealth boast?

Get a bloody grip!

StormTreader · 11/07/2017 13:37

Why does his "I dont like spending money" trump your "I want this and its easily affordable"?

You work, just tell him youre paying for it out of your wages.

tribpot · 11/07/2017 13:37

It sounds like you need a more organised budget, with shared savings goals, household spending on food and separate pots of 'play money'. If he wants to save his (although these computers don't buy themselves, I assume he's not running a 20 year old BBC micro or similar?) he can do, and you can spend yours on things like the gym without having to run every minor expense past each other.

BarbaraofSeville · 11/07/2017 13:37

The 0% credit card isn't costing anything, and could make them a little money if they have savings to match it. Even 1% for a year is £30 for doing absolutely nothing. They will also have got protection when paying for the holiday that way.

People do this as a bit of an, admittedly quite dull, hobby. But it's nice to get one over on the banks. I have about £15k at 0% and one of the cards even paid me £30 to take it out.

That plus a mortgage at 0.6% and I'm making a few hundred pounds a year just by putting the equivalent amounts in savings accounts. Perhaps that's what the DH is doing on his computer. I wouldn't worry about the gym membership at more or less any price on the disposable income that the OP has though.

BlondeGinger · 11/07/2017 13:37

I wouldn't say a word to him. If he asks why it's £15 more just tell him you fancied adding on the tennis and then carry on with your day. Simple. He seems quite controlling.

ThymeLord · 11/07/2017 13:38

Yes, do what BlondeGinger said. Don't make any sort of big deal out of it. You both work, you have spare income, you fancied adding tennis onto your membership, end of, no biggie.

xotyl · 11/07/2017 13:42

Right it's been done, for whatever fucked up reason you have lied to your dh. You really only have one choice because it's going to be obvious when it appears on the bank statement. Tell him.

You could say that you thought it was better value with tennis added, you could say you misread the ts&cs. You could tell the truth.

If you don't tell him you have one month to try to encourage him to join too and bump it up to joint membership.

I understand he has difficulty with controlling/not controlling money, but if something as simple as this has you feeling so awful you post it on here then it needs sorting before something major comes your way.

CardinalCat · 11/07/2017 13:47

Whilst not condoning your lying, OP, I can very well understand why you did it, since your DH sounds like a controlling arse where your household finances are concerned. I couldn't live like that.

Skinfulnappies46 · 11/07/2017 13:57

Honesty the best policy.

dollydaydream114 · 11/07/2017 14:00

I would tell him that it was £50 a month for the initial offer but then you realised the £65 deal was much better value for money so you went for that one rather than the cheaper deal that offered less value. If he insists that you have to keep to £50, point out that you have £2k spare at the end of every month and that an extra £15 is fuck-all in comparison.

He is being incredibly tight and you do earn your own money. It's not your fault that he doesn't spend on himself, and there is no reason you should have follow his example by being as stingy with yourself as he is. I'm not saying you should merrily spend up to your limit every month, but jeez, we're talking about £15 here. He needs to relinquish a little bit of control.

bimbobaggins · 11/07/2017 14:03

He sounds like a complete miser. You both have £2k each spending money per month and you are lying to him absolutely £15.
I'm all for being careful, but not spending any money and buying second hand etc when you can well afford it doesn't sound like much fun
First name ebenezer by any chance?

stevie69 · 11/07/2017 14:08

If it's coming out of your joint account, then I assume that he'll catch on at some stage.

From what you've said, I wouldn't anticipate it causing a problem. You're in a partnership aren't you? Discuss it with him and all should surely be fine.

S x

AcrossthePond55 · 11/07/2017 14:08

Obvs anyone who is as Scroogey as he is will notice the extra £15 and ask 'what's this?'. Exactly what are you afraid of him doing when he notices it?

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/07/2017 14:17

If you are worrying about £15 when you have £2k spare money every month, I'd be concerned about my marriage. Your dh sounds as if he has issues around money. Does he know the cost of everything and the value of nothing?

Giraffey1 · 11/07/2017 14:21

Why are you seeking permission to spend? That doesn't sound very equal or shared! I bet he doesn't ask you if he can spend money on stuff ....

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 11/07/2017 14:33

You earn your own money OP, doesn't matter that it's less money and hours than your DH's. You don't need his permission to join a bloody club. I don't work, DH earns the money. I'd never dream of asking his permission to do something!

TheViceOfReason · 11/07/2017 14:40

Unless there is going to be a big drip feed about you having a history of running up debts, the issue is not the extra £15 - it's your relationship.

Why are you asking permission and why does your DH get to decide when affordability isn't the issue, and you are not being bankrolled by him?

2littlemoos · 11/07/2017 14:43

I think you both need to have a frank discussion about money. Unless there is a deeper issue it seems such a trivial matter.

caffelatte100 · 11/07/2017 14:53

I would just say I got muddled up with the amounts going forward but that you think it's still a good deal - if you do.

mygorgeousmilo · 11/07/2017 15:01

What a mess. This lying about £15 is just a drop in the ocean compared to the fact that you have a mean, miserable, controlling husband.

mummymeister · 11/07/2017 15:05

I am still in Shock that you have as much over each month for treats and luxuries as most people earn.

£250 a week on takeaways and what else? are you sure he isn't putting money into computer games.

honestly just tell him.

" I want to play tennis with other people because I am a bit bored and this is what it costs" end of.

Benedikte2 · 11/07/2017 15:10

Tell the first month was £50 and you did not realise the regular price was £65 but now you're enjoying the membership so much, feel so much healthier and energetic that you believe it's well worth the £65 and intend to continue. If he objects tell him that you will expect him to partner you for tennis every weekend. For £15 he will feel he is getting off cheaply
Good luck