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Original poster

Lied to DH, do I just come clean?

193 replies

OverTheHammer · 11/07/2017 12:40

I asked him if he'd mind me joining David Lloyd for £50 a month. He agreed but said "as long as its no more than £50 a month".

When I went to join up however I signed up for platinum account as I wanted Tennis included. Always loved playing tennis but never anyone to play with - the club hosts club nights where everyone just rotates so it's perfect for me.

When I got back he said "still definately £50 a month right?" And I didn't have the heart to tell him so I said it was just £50 a month.

The real price however is £65 a month. Not a massive difference but he won't be happy. First month they're only taking £50 as they have a special deal on but on 1st august, they'll take £65.

I thought in my head I'd just say the extra is a £15 one off joining few but I'm going to have to come clean arnt I?

OP posts:
Ropsleybunny · 11/07/2017 17:09

This is about the lying. Whatever the background, the OP lied and she should come clean.

Bloody hell, what's it like up there on the very top of the high moral ground?

If someone is extremely lucky and is in a perfect relationship Grin, then of course no one would ever tell any sort of lie. However, most of us live in the real world and I'm willing to bet my life savings that a lie such as this has been told by men and women the world over.

It would be a very different kettle of fish if the OP was lying about shagging someone behind the DH's back, but hell this is £15.

I think what's really wrong here is how the OP has landed in this position and that's what needs addressing.

normastits5 · 11/07/2017 17:10

Oh op it's very hard to get what his issue is here? This extra £15 has apsolutely no impact on your finances so just come clean asap and TELL him how much it's costing WITHOUT asking his permission for anything. Just tell him

lunaysol3828 · 11/07/2017 20:09

According to your last comment, your DH is nuts & I would never be married with a person like him.

Neutrogena · 11/07/2017 20:34

@Ropsleybunny - it is about the lying.
The OP asked if she should come clean.
The answer is Yes, and ALSO TELL HIM THAT IT IS FIFTEEN SODDING QUID AND IT DOESN'T MATTER.
But She must come clean. It doesn't help her case - if the OP is a twat, this makes things worst.

Two wrongs don't make a right - if someone is a shit to me, that des not give me the excuse to be a shit to them.
Be the better person and you win.

Groupie123 · 11/07/2017 20:36

You shouldn't have lied. No point in it if it's going out of the joint account as he'll find out anyway. It seems like you're used to lying to him which is a red flag tbh.

tootalbugging · 11/07/2017 20:58

Have I fallen asleep and woken up in the 1950's?

It's £15 that you can well afford. You do not need to ask permission, particularly considering you earn your own money (not that you should need to 'ask' even if not working).

Tell him the truth for gods sake.

doobree · 11/07/2017 22:15

The phrase 'knowing price of everything and value of nothing springs to mind'.

You can well afford it OP and it brings you health and happiness, so if he begrudges you this then, well, that is just so sad.

It really is mean of him to make you feel worried to the point of lying over an amount that so a drop in the ocean comapred to your other spending. I'd be really very unhappy with this.

kittensinmydinner1 · 12/07/2017 04:52

Hi OverTheHammer. Is your DH much older than you by any chance. ? Does he treat you like a child who has to ask permission for things rather than an equal adult partner? X

SabineUndine · 12/07/2017 05:11

Neutrogena you're right that it's about the lying, but only because the OP felt she had to li in the first place.

OP:
You're not hard up now
You earn your own money
£15 is a tiny amount set against your income

Most importantly WHY do you feel you have to get your husband to approve this at all? You're not a child. There's a smell of control and abuse about this.

kateandme · 12/07/2017 05:34

well done you for having 2 extra a month I'm flawed at this.ok not flawed just dam jealous!
could you tell him you went signed up and didn't realise the tennis was extra but you still did it because its worth it.

MermaidsTears · 12/07/2017 07:35

Ok well I wasnt sure until I read further down about your finances, you are just being made to ask for the sake of it it seems! I cant believe you both work and have that much disposable income (more than anyone I personally know of could only dream of) and you still have to ask or be told!
Just tell him and refuse to back down.

TheBusThatCouldntSlowDown · 12/07/2017 08:06

Do you have your own bank account separate to the joint account op ? I really think you should get one and start having your salary paid into it. Pay money into the joint account to cover the bills, but keep a bit of your own financial independence. You may need to leave him one day and this does not sound like a man who will divide the marital possessions fairly.

If you barely spend anything on yourself yet the joint account fritters away £2000 a month then he must be spending huge amounts. £15 is nothing to you both, it's half a takeaway. You absolutely should not be lying or having to explaining to yourself about that. Your husband sounds hugely controlling and you seem to be beaten down by it.

Charlie97 · 12/07/2017 13:24

So it's 51p per day....wow!

I don't think you should make out anything! Like you didn't know racquets was extra.

You should just tell him straight. Otherwise you'll be putting up with his control your whole life.

SpringySprung · 12/07/2017 13:34

He sounds so selfish BORING and controlling. Do you do anything together OP?

Morecaffeineplease · 12/07/2017 13:49

OP,
You say his computer is his only hobby.

What does he do on his computer?

Break down the cost of security installation such as McAfee/Norton, the electricity to run it on, the the cost of repairing it/upgrading it etc.

Now justify it Grin

nannybeach · 12/07/2017 17:51

You are obviously feeling awkward about lying otherwise you would not ask MN

blackteasplease · 12/07/2017 17:59

Don't lie. But don't ask either. Tell him!

As you can easily afford it, it should be a non issue.

upthegardenpath · 12/07/2017 17:59

"By the end of each month after takeaways and treats etc we tend to have £1k in bank which then gets spent on doing up the house or simply rolls over to next month's money."

Wow OP! I wish I had that kind of problem Smile
So clearly lack of money isn't the reason you are worried and lying.
You need to be honest with each other, get your own account for your own personal stuff like this gym membership, like others have said, and enjoy spending that extra 1K!
You have presumably earn some of it too, after all.

upthegardenpath · 12/07/2017 18:01

...and I am still Shock that DL platinum memberships can cost £65!!!

Where on earth do you live?

Lynnm63 · 12/07/2017 18:13

If you were skint and the £15 extra was coming out of some other budget you'd be unreasonable. I cannot believe you ask if you can have a gym membership and he said only if it's less than £50. He's not your father.
I'd just say btw gym is costing £65 a month. No asking just informing him so he doesn't query the amount.
If he does complain tell him the 1950's are 🔙 that way.

ticandtoc · 12/07/2017 18:27

Are you scared of what his reaction will be when you tell him/he finds out the truth? If yes, then there's something more going on here and I would ask myself why I felt scared, and whether that's right in a healthy, happy marriage.

Just because he earns more than you doesn't mean he gets to dictate how you spend your money. It's most likely possible that you aren't in a position to earn as much as him.

From your message it's not as if you've gone on a binge and blown your savings on expensive handbags... but even if you had, in a loving partnership you work these things out together.

nomorefrizz · 12/07/2017 18:34

I think it is very odd indeed that this is an issue at all in your financial circumstances. I would tell my husband what it would cost as a courtesy only and do it anyway. Are you frightened of his reaction? I think you definitely should tell him the truth. If he minds I would question his miserliness.

Damsel · 12/07/2017 18:37

I also can't believe your local DL club is offering platinum membership for that price. My DL fees are more than double that.

On your original question, I'm slightly incredulous that you checked with your OH at all. Does he ask you when he wants to buy something? (Sorry, this question may have been asked & answered already.)

Coffeepot72 · 12/07/2017 18:40

I pay £65 at DL, but that doesn't include racquets membership- you've got a good deal there!

NoHunsHereHun · 12/07/2017 18:54

Shit. My DL membership without tennis costs £105 per month. I pay for it out of my earnings and DP has no problems with it in return I don't begrudge the equivalent amount he spends on his cycling habit or booze. I also pay the kids membership and we spend a lot of time there after school/work and on weekends - it's worth it for us. If you play tennis regularly, use the facilities at least once a week then you're not wasting money. Tell your DH the truth, and make sure you use your membership.

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