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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Battery Operated Friend

158 replies

slightlyinsanesam · 10/07/2017 14:11

Hi All...

I am hoping for some objectionable advice regarding my "friend". I enjoy sex and my husband and I have it around 3 times a week, however, I also enjoy using my vibrator on my own. Usually its early morning after my husband has gone to work and before the kids wake up, I find that it puts me in a good mood for the day!

A couple of months ago, I came home from work and my husband asked if I had used it, instantly, I said no (I am not ashamed, but I think of this as a private thing). He called me a liar and proceeded to make me listen to a recording of me using it. He "accidentally" left his phone at home on record??!! This has happened several times since to the point where I am scared to use it.

This morning, I have tried to phone him and had no answer so popped back home and lo and behold, his phone is tucked under the mattress. Probably recording but I have no way to check as I do not have his password.

AIBU to be angry about this or is it my fault for using it?

OP posts:
kali110 · 11/07/2017 14:23

Hes an arsehole.
A cobtrolling abusive one.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 11/07/2017 14:23

That. Is. Horrible. 😨

vikingprincess81 · 11/07/2017 14:26

I hear you, and understand the complications. So you're keeping your head down until you can get your ducks in the proverbial?
Stay safe OP, and clear your internet history - you don't need him finding this thread and your plans. Flowers

TheViceOfReason · 11/07/2017 14:29

Are you frightened of him / at risk of physical abuse?

You don't mention this, so assuming not - greet him with the phone as he walks in the door say "are you fucking kidding me?" and stop having sex with him.

BMW6 · 11/07/2017 14:57

How did he rack up debt in your name? If he forged your signature you would not be liable for the debt - he would have committed fraud and HE would be liable!

Haffiana · 11/07/2017 16:01

What worries me about this, is that by not confronting him/dropping his phone in the loo, you are effectively telling him that this behaviour is reasonable. If you have to stay with him for any length of time in order to get your debt cleared and get your ducks lined up, then things may escalate in that period of time.

Is there any hold you may have over him re the debt? Can you demonstrate fraud if you need to?

Please please get your laptop/tablet checked meanwhile.

anchor9 · 11/07/2017 16:02

wtaffffffffff

this is wrong on so many levels. first of all, your V, your friend, you do as you please.

he sounds like a potentially dangerous lunatic. please leave before this escalates.

user1499333856 · 11/07/2017 16:04

Out of work for 6 years? Financially abused your credit? Controlling, abusive and demeaning.

Get rid!

Original poster
slightlyinsanesam · 11/07/2017 17:06

Just had a slightly odd phone call asking how my wank was this morning, odd because I didn't actually have one!
Then a few messages intimating That he had heard dirty talk.. without mentioning that he left behind his phone of course.
Really don't want to leave work!!!

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 11/07/2017 17:09

OP is there somewhere you can go tonight to avoid him and work out what you want to do? I'm actually worried about you, his level of control and outright weirdness is really freaking me out.

PopcornNRedwine · 11/07/2017 17:09

This sounds very cpntrolling and abusive. If you feel threatened OP the don't go home.
Is there somewhere you can go?

dementedma · 11/07/2017 17:13

Op please dont go home. This worries me. You need to start recording all this stuff in a diary. How could he have heard dirty talk if he wasn't there?

TeachesOfPeaches · 11/07/2017 17:20

OP this is a serious breach of trust. My ex used to record me. He may have other recording devices around your home .

Willow2017 · 11/07/2017 17:55

He is going beyond creepy to intimidating. You need to have a friend go home with you and if he gets verbally or physically abusive get the police. What he is doing is abusive they can help if you let them.
First phone women's aid right now and get advice on what you can do to get him removed. You shouldn't be subjected to this or afraid to go home. He is one sick puppy. If you can't get through to W.A.. do phone 101 and ask to speak to someone about domestic abuse.

Willow2017 · 11/07/2017 17:58

Keep all his txts. Reply telling him you know the phone is under your mattress and he didn't hear anything. Say you find his constant spying and intimidation creepy and intimidating and you have already asked him to stop several times. Keep the txts for evidence.

honeysucklejasmine · 11/07/2017 18:04

OP this is seriously messed up. Are you safe?

ememem84 · 11/07/2017 18:09

Seriously messed up.

twoseven · 11/07/2017 18:10

oh god , he's a wanker, not you

Oblomov17 · 11/07/2017 18:15

OMG
LTB

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 11/07/2017 18:24

  1. Set Aretha Franklin singing R.E.S.P.E.C.T on repeat next to the phone.

  2. Phone the police asking for advice about financial fraud - explain that your husband took out loans in your name without your permission.

  3. Find a shit hot lawyer.

  4. Divorce the fucker.

Bobbins43 · 11/07/2017 18:29

WTF is wrong with your husband?!

That's so wrong. On so many levels. I'd accidentally drop it in some water or something.

Or masturbate and be REALLY LOUD about how much you enjoy it.

Bobbins43 · 11/07/2017 18:38

I replied before RTFT but holy hell. This is seriously creepy. Can you stay with a friend or family tonight?

Original poster
slightlyinsanesam · 11/07/2017 19:54

I'm home. I sat in the car and text him and told him to come out. I told him I had had enough and that I wanted him to stay elsewhere tonight. He got really angry and accused me of hiding something as I got so "defensive". I explained that I was being reasonably and this his behaviour was completely unreasonable. He broke down, said he didn't want to be like that and asked for help. I have agreed to go to doctors with him tomorrow to seek help but said that I wasn't prepared to be unhappy indefinitely and that I can't carry on like this. I think I will see how it goes, we have been together 16 years and I just don't think I can give up

OP posts:
dementedma · 11/07/2017 20:06

I got to this point with controlling dh. He was diagnosed with paranoia and had some therapy. Things are much better now but it took the threat of divorce to make him realisr I was deadly serious. I had anti bugging software put on my phone, switched off all location settings and made him stop calling me at work. Told him one more instance of tracking me, following me, messing with my phone and I would walk. You have to play hardball now.

StumpyScot92 · 11/07/2017 20:20

My ex was like this right down to the debt in my name thing and the going to the doctors for help. Not to be a downer but it was all a ploy still. He was emotionally and financially abusive and would smash the place up on occasion too.

When I left I went to the police re fraud but I won't lie it wasn't helpful as essentially I couldn't prove it but I took the hit and set up payment plans I could afford. Don't care that the bastard cost me thousands by leaving, it was worth every penny and three years later I am debt free, pregnant and living with an amazing guy. If say when it gets this far it's too far gone.. try not to be frightened of dealing with him and never feel too proud to ask for help Flowers