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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Battery Operated Friend

158 replies

slightlyinsanesam · 10/07/2017 14:11

Hi All...

I am hoping for some objectionable advice regarding my "friend". I enjoy sex and my husband and I have it around 3 times a week, however, I also enjoy using my vibrator on my own. Usually its early morning after my husband has gone to work and before the kids wake up, I find that it puts me in a good mood for the day!

A couple of months ago, I came home from work and my husband asked if I had used it, instantly, I said no (I am not ashamed, but I think of this as a private thing). He called me a liar and proceeded to make me listen to a recording of me using it. He "accidentally" left his phone at home on record??!! This has happened several times since to the point where I am scared to use it.

This morning, I have tried to phone him and had no answer so popped back home and lo and behold, his phone is tucked under the mattress. Probably recording but I have no way to check as I do not have his password.

AIBU to be angry about this or is it my fault for using it?

OP posts:
Original poster
slightlyinsanesam · 11/07/2017 10:58

I'm pretty certain he can't get into my phone but will tear the house apart tomorrow to check for any other devices.
On a sad note, the phone is there again today, for some amusement I found a loud whistle noise on YouTube and played that for a few minutes. I may try and have some fun with this while I sort out wtf going to do

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 11/07/2017 10:59

can you just turn his phone off and carry on with your life op

NormaSmuff · 11/07/2017 11:00

and why should you tear the house apart looking for devices? what sort of marriage is that?

thetemptationofchocolate · 11/07/2017 11:10

Make a playlist of songs about divorce and play them all day in your bedroom.
I would have suggested songs about burying your husband under a patio but I think you'd have more luck finding songs about divorce :)

ItsGone · 11/07/2017 11:28

.

mygorgeousmilo · 11/07/2017 11:32

Recording someone is absolutely fucking despicable!! He's lost all sense of acceptable behaviour. If someone wants to masturbate that's nobody's business, married or not. Recording someone secretly is really, really messed up. Honestly that would be LTB worthy for me!

HannahGlasgowGal · 11/07/2017 11:52

Why does he have a problem with you using your toy?

Because I'm sure he never masturbates. Hmm

smeerf · 11/07/2017 12:02

Sam you can definitely have some fun. What about playing wild animal noises, or some Mongolian throat singing!

VladmirsPoutine · 11/07/2017 12:09

Play a song about empowerment after divorce.

And then, go find a divorce lawyer and LTB.

Mothervulva · 11/07/2017 12:33

If you at the stage of tearing the house apart to find possible bugging devices, your marriage is over.

DoggoslothladyA · 11/07/2017 12:34

I would 'accidentally' spill a drink on the bed...maybe a few glasses worth just to make sure his phone is ruined.

AvocadoHand · 11/07/2017 12:40

You're surely not considering staying with him after this? I don't understand the idea of 'having fun' with the phone. This is a massive violation and would be a deal breaker for me. Destroy the phone and LTB.

Brahms3rdracket · 11/07/2017 12:44

What a creepy cunt. Are you policing his masturbation?

Magicpaintbrush · 11/07/2017 12:55

It absolutely amazes me the way some men think they have the right to lay down the law to their wives about the most insane of things - who the fuck does your DH think he is? Presumably he's allowed to have a crafty wank in the shower without you spying on him or getting all upset about it? He must be insane to think this is okay behaviour - from him, not you!!! You are 100% entitled to spend some alone time with your gadget - it's not as if your DH is even going without??? 3 times a week is an amazing achievement sex-wise as far as I'm concerned.

What else is he spying on??? Has he got other spy-type gadgets installed around the house? Surely what he is doing isn't legal???

MineKraftCheese · 11/07/2017 13:06

I hope you manage to get away from this man. He sounds deranged. It's better for you and your kids if he's not in your life.

He has no right to do what he has done. It's a gross invasion of privacy.

Sprinklestar · 11/07/2017 13:09

Wash the bedding and accidentally wash his phone as well 😄

TheViceOfReason · 11/07/2017 13:15

I'd have more sympathy if...you know... you actually asked him what the actual fuck he thought he was doing and told him it was none of his fucking business what you do in your private time - you don't police him wanking.

I bet there is more than one device monitoring you too - you get power socket recording devices cheaply.

Honestly woman, why the fuck are you allowing this to continue?

vikingprincess81 · 11/07/2017 13:17

I understand you're worried about repercussions, but, and I mean this gently, do you get how creepy and 'not on' this is OP? I know abusers are insidious and will gradually push and push and push your boundaries, until you can start to think this sort of thing is acceptable. It's really not. Can you confront him about this? And I agree with pp - once you're at the point of tearing your house apart looking for devices your husband may have planted to monitor what you do in the house when he's not there, then things have deteriorated to a very serious low point.
Just take care of yourself OP, this makes me uneasy. Flowers

amusedbush · 11/07/2017 13:26

Holy shit, that's abhorrent! I would genuinely go for divorce if my DH did that to me. You're being pretty lighthearted here OP but it's really, really not on.

Original poster
slightlyinsanesam · 11/07/2017 13:49

I understand what you are saying, if I was speaking to a friend that was having the issue then I would be saying the same thing.
There's always a back story....
He was out of work for 6 years and got back to work recently, he has run up massive debt in my name and as much as I think of myself as an independent woman, I need his salary to clear some of this debt before I can get out on my own. Iv considered borrowing from my mum to speed the process up but then would have to admit how stupid I have been letting this continue. I need to leave, not just for my sake but for the kids too, I worry that this will have massive repercussions but hope that family and friends will support and protect us.
Silly really, my dad was abusive and a drunk and I hated my mum for keeping us there so long

OP posts:
seventhgonickname · 11/07/2017 14:08

How much debt,are we talking months or years to repay?

HurtleTheTurtle · 11/07/2017 14:11

How much debt are we talking and how did he manage to get the debt in your name? Because you could speed this process up by reporting him for fraud potentially.

I think super glue in the microphone of the phone would be an ideal solution. Just a tiny bit so it's not too noticeable.

HurtleTheTurtle · 11/07/2017 14:13

Isn't it illegal to record someone during sex without their permission? Does this not count as that?

Willow2017 · 11/07/2017 14:17

Why are you leaving the phone where he puts it? Why aren't you slapping it into his hand when he walks through the door and telling him next time it will be flushed down rhe loo?

You don't have to leave it on either just switch it off at the side button. It can't record of its off.

Hi to can and get advice about the debts. They can help with payment plans, usually companies will take minimum payments or even write off a debt of you have extenuating circumstances.

Then pack his bags and tell him to record himself fucking right off 😀

Willow2017 · 11/07/2017 14:19

Hi to can???

Also go and get
(Stupid phone)