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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Battery Operated Friend

158 replies

slightlyinsanesam · 10/07/2017 14:11

Hi All...

I am hoping for some objectionable advice regarding my "friend". I enjoy sex and my husband and I have it around 3 times a week, however, I also enjoy using my vibrator on my own. Usually its early morning after my husband has gone to work and before the kids wake up, I find that it puts me in a good mood for the day!

A couple of months ago, I came home from work and my husband asked if I had used it, instantly, I said no (I am not ashamed, but I think of this as a private thing). He called me a liar and proceeded to make me listen to a recording of me using it. He "accidentally" left his phone at home on record??!! This has happened several times since to the point where I am scared to use it.

This morning, I have tried to phone him and had no answer so popped back home and lo and behold, his phone is tucked under the mattress. Probably recording but I have no way to check as I do not have his password.

AIBU to be angry about this or is it my fault for using it?

OP posts:

Figaro2017 · 10/07/2017 21:46

I'd just leave it on the bedside table. With a six inch nail driven through it and a note saying 'You're next fucker'.

He won't sleep well after that.

Joking aside, this isn't going to end well. Either you become so cowed down and walking on eggshells or you don't submit to him and he becomes more jealous and controlling.

He seriously needs to get help or there is no future in the relationship.

Motoko · 10/07/2017 21:54

This is so wrong.

What I don't understand is, if your relationship is bad, why are you having sex with him 3 times a week? Especially now you know he's secretly recording you.

Foslady · 10/07/2017 22:38

If you do decide to split, pack his cases whilst saying exactly why the marriage is over and leave them on the door step with the phone on top....

DaviesMum · 10/07/2017 22:43

I'd jam the phone up his arse, set to vibrate and ring it repeatedly. Then I'd say "see, nothing to be jealous of."

pigeondujour · 10/07/2017 22:53

A man who would record you without your knowledge has the potential to be very dangerous. LTB and be careful about it.

RiversrunWoodville · 10/07/2017 22:55

Xp used to try stunts like that too (don't actually know what he was hoping to hear given he was the creepy kinky cheating one but hey ho) but he was emotionally and physically abusive too so this was just one of his many charms

LittleBooInABox · 10/07/2017 23:31

Some of these responses are golden.

Leave the bastard, or hide the phone somewhere, he will find after a while. And then play innocent, repeat until he gets the message.

e1y1 · 10/07/2017 23:49

I'd have another man in that bedroom quick sharpish.

DH would have something to complain about then.

Only half joking

2017SoFarSoGood · 10/07/2017 23:59

This whole thing creeps me out. I think you are right that ending it is the next step. This is not a minor thing - he is invading your privace here, but what else is he doing? It does not feel safe to me. Sorry! What an asshat.

Wheelycote · 11/07/2017 07:21

Eughhhhhh not cool of him at all!

Do one of those high pitch whistles if he try's it again. I'd be wondering what else he's doing.

It breaks trust and oversteps boundaries.

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 11/07/2017 07:30

I rarely say LTB but LTB. Please.

My stbxbil once went mad at my dsis because she had some fairly soft erotic novels on her kindle. It's not the only reason he's now an ex but it was the start of some particularly nasty emotional abuse.

Also, id destroy his phone. And I'm not just saying that to be dramatic-I'd stick it behind my car and reverse over it. Not a chance I'd leave a recording of myself having "fun" potentially out there for him to play to other people

Crunchymum · 11/07/2017 07:35

Maybe you need to record yourself saying "if only (DH name) could satisfy me properly and make me come, then I wouldn't need to use a vibrator"

That'll learn him

WellThisIsShit · 11/07/2017 07:36

Eeuw. Revolting man, it's such an unattractive thing to do isn't it? Weird and furtive spying on you. Not quite sure how you'd get it back from here...

oldtrees · 11/07/2017 07:40

It's not trivial.

Would you ever feel jealous of him for having a wank? Want to make sure he didn't do it? Record him wanking repeatedly and then humiliate him with the recording?

If not, why not? What must he think of you to act like that? Really think about that one. What was going through his mind to think it was ok to do that in the first place?

He thinks of you as his property. He thinks he owns your body. He doesn't respect you as an individual in your own right. He doesn't respect you full stop.

How fucking dare he do this to you and then have the audacity to present the evidence to you as if you're in the wrong.

It's twisted and all kinds of wrong. You deserve better than this.

ShotsFired · 11/07/2017 07:41

There was a poster sometime ago who was being recorded. I remember reading in almost real time as she hunted, and eventually found, a bug behind a plug socket in the lounge (or similar).

Unless you are using a piledriver-strength vibrator; or screaming yourself silly, I find it hard to understand how a phone under a pillow or (especially) a mattress would pick anything up. So are you sure there isn't a little webcam hidden somewhere in the room?

But either way, his behaviour is not acceptable. That's the main thing here.

Mothervulva · 11/07/2017 07:41

This is controlling and he's trying to humiliate you. None of these actions are born from love and respect.

Mothervulva · 11/07/2017 07:42

What oldtrees said.

NormaSmuff · 11/07/2017 07:45

dont let his perversion stop you using it.
what the hell is gong on in his head that he has to leave his phone on record. he obviously found your vibrator and wanted to know if you used it.
dont be secretive about it but my god i wouldnt want someone like that in the house

oldtrees · 11/07/2017 07:45

Be careful with your internet history he's probably checking that too.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 11/07/2017 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RadioGaGoo · 11/07/2017 07:56

Nothing to do with the vibratory probably. It sounds more than likely that he thinks you are having an affair and is trying to prove it?

Sabistick · 11/07/2017 08:00

He has previously told you on a number of occasions that he knows what you have been doing ,called you a liar as you try to keep some privacy, and continues to do so. This is passive anger and controlling behaviour . he needs to learn boundaries and sort out his issues.

dementedma · 11/07/2017 08:10

Very creepy and worrying. My H went through a very controlling period and its frightening and I understand your fear of repercussions. I would however, smash and dispose of the phone and then play dumb. Of course you havent seen his phone, didn't he take it to work with him? He may have more than one. Check the car for one being used as a tracker. And turn off location settings on all of your devices.

smeerf · 11/07/2017 10:30

I wonder if he's been checking your browsing history and has seen this MN thread - might explain his foul mood?

This makes me so angry on your behalf.

SilverBirchTree · 11/07/2017 10:54

What an absolutely creepy thing to do. Is he controlling in other ways?

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