To announce on Facebook I'm not changing my name?!

[gingerbreadkid]

I am getting married in a couple of months and will be keeping my surname and title of Ms.

When this has cropped up in conversation people have been losing their minds! Couple of examples: 1. Talking with colleague and she spluttered but it's the law! After being pressured to give my reasons why she nodded and made all the right noises then whispered but what does your DP think about it?? And said in a way that he must object.

1. Man at venue for wedding breakfast said we could have light up letters in Mr & Mrs and I replied oh I won't be Mrs. And he looked at me in complete confusion. I said I'll still be Ms kid. And right away he came out with but what's the point of getting married?! He actually said that!

It has been brought up in conversation with a couple of others and they have been incredulous. I'm starting to find it a bit tedious tbh. To me it's not A. Big. Deal. But seemingly it is to others!

I'm waiting for the swathes of wedding cards to be addressed to Mr & Mrs DP's Surname. And I'm getting a little annoyed that it is just assumed I'm changing my name.

I am tempted to make a public announcement on Facebook telling everyone I'm not changing my name! Only half joking. I don't wan't to make a big deal out of it but I don't want to be suddenly addressed as someone I'm not!

Does that mean you can't use the term Mrs if you are no longer married? Just interested as lots of people seem to?

You can use any title you like, whenever you like. None has any legal meaning.

And could I just make up a title? Or for example call myself Mensahib Brown if I wanted to? which I think means boss lady Brown?

Does the title "Ms" actually exist in a legal sense?

Titles like Mr, Mrs, Miss and Ms aren't actually a legal requirement, so none of them actually exist in a legal sense, as far as I know.

I've been to a number of family weddings in the last 2-3 years, and sadly all of the young women have chosen to change their names. I think the reasons behind the tradition of name changing are being forgotten again.

You certainly can use the title Mrs if you're no longer married, or even if you never have been in the first place. They're not a legal requirement. So nobody is legally or not legally a Mrs.

Raspberry...why is it sad that women change their names to mrs..?Surely it's empowerment that that choose to do this. I'm very proud to be a Mrs...doesn't mean I was forced into it, I chose to be a Mrs, please don't think that's sad in any way.

I kept my name and it really winds me up when I get called Mrs hisname. About 10 months after we got married I put a status on Facebook to tell everyone I hadn't changed my name.

You could do a light hearted FB post saying you are going to do things the Spanish way and not change your name. Over here you just don't. It's weird that it's still expected in the UK when supposedly it's light years ahead in so many things.

Surely it's empowerment that that choose to do this.

Why surely? Makes about as much sense as saying it's inevitably sad.

Wankyou....my point was don't assume women are forced into it or doing it blindly just because most people do.....I chose to change my name, I wasn't forced into it. Was trying to express a different way of thinking, ie in that these days women are empowered to do pretty much as they like. I certainly don't think it's sad.

Right, but there's a middle ground between being forced and being empowered. And the problem is that we're not empowered to do as we like because, although we have a choice here, we are still having to deal with bullshit men aren't. The men aren't having these discussions about what they call themselves, are they? I'm not empowered to have what I want, which is a neutral term attracting no comment, a genuine equivalent to Mr.

I did put the word out before our wedding ( was 30+ years ago so no Facebook) that I was not changing my name. It did make the wedding easier and my family and friends all respected my wishes.

I'm very proud to be a Mrs

Why?

I can understand being proud to be a Dr or Professor... but not a Mrs! Being married doesn't make you better or more accomplished than people who aren't married

And anyone can call themselves Mrs - it's not as if you have to do anything amazing to use it!

That's a good point actually. It doesn't even necessarily denote being married!

I might go to work tomorrow and change all 1000 employees' titles to Mrs, just for the fun of it.

Wankyou....but why don't you feel empowered to do what you want? Who is forcing you to do otherwise? If you want to not take your husband's name, don't, end of.

It's pretty disingenuous to insist that all choices are empowering. Choices are not made in a vacuum. There is societal expectation and pressure. We shouldn't judge the women for the choices they make that context, but we should question the society that makes certain choices easier and more widely "acceptable" than others.

Another Emma....I didn't say it makes me more accomplished than someone who is not. I am proud to be a Mrs, I'm sorry if others aren't, but I am. I'm proud to be me, and that's part of me. Just as I hope my husband is proud to be married to me too.

Gah, typos.
We shouldn't judge the women for the choices they make in that context

Cross post. He might be proud to be married to you too, but he's not changed his title and surname has he? Why does your title and surname have to represent your marital status, why can't you be proud to be married without changing them?

It's not "end of" though is it? Unlike my DH I am frequently addressed by a name and title I have never chosen to use and have to then correct people and sonetimes paperwork. Hardly empowering when women and men are treated so differently.

Tittgolightly.....why not?

I'd hate to think that there are a lot of women out there really unhappy to be known as Mrs (husband's surname)....that would be sad, but I really don't think that's the case.

Who knows.....ignore them?