To announce on Facebook I'm not changing my name?!

[gingerbreadkid]

I am getting married in a couple of months and will be keeping my surname and title of Ms.

When this has cropped up in conversation people have been losing their minds! Couple of examples: 1. Talking with colleague and she spluttered but it's the law! After being pressured to give my reasons why she nodded and made all the right noises then whispered but what does your DP think about it?? And said in a way that he must object.

1. Man at venue for wedding breakfast said we could have light up letters in Mr & Mrs and I replied oh I won't be Mrs. And he looked at me in complete confusion. I said I'll still be Ms kid. And right away he came out with but what's the point of getting married?! He actually said that!

It has been brought up in conversation with a couple of others and they have been incredulous. I'm starting to find it a bit tedious tbh. To me it's not A. Big. Deal. But seemingly it is to others!

I'm waiting for the swathes of wedding cards to be addressed to Mr & Mrs DP's Surname. And I'm getting a little annoyed that it is just assumed I'm changing my name.

I am tempted to make a public announcement on Facebook telling everyone I'm not changing my name! Only half joking. I don't wan't to make a big deal out of it but I don't want to be suddenly addressed as someone I'm not!

Re: the cheques thing. My bank is one of the ones that is a bit funny about accepting cheques made out in the wrong name, even with the marriage certificate.

However I never even tried. I wasn't the one that made the mistake, and whilst I am very grateful for the kind gifts, we made it very clear what our names were to be on marriage, and ignoring that was either a mistake people were happy to rectify, or the wilful rudeness of giving me the wrong name to make a point, so I had no qualms about asking either group to fix it.

This is so attention seeking, if you don't want to name change that's all fine and well. But you know most people will assume you have as that's what traditionally happens, just politely correct them if they do and get on with it

So much more polite to give people information to avoid making a mistake in the first place, rather than waiting and correct them after they've made the error which isn't as courteous.

Of course, the most courteous thing would be if people asked those about to be /just married what names they will be using in future, but as you say, people love to make assumptions.

he will have to show the paperwork to explain the name change.

He has the change of name Deed to do this.

And if you divorce and remarry then he'd have to do the same again.

I'd never re- marry. And I'd keep the name I have now.

My dh's mum changed his name from his birth father every time she got married and it did make things a hassle for him.

Though, and I'm not picking on you but you've twice now given your son other men's names. If he'd always been Baby Britbugs youd havehad the same name. You only had to change his to make you all family because you started out by not giving him yours in the first place.

I didn't know at the time how it would turn out with my ex partner though. Please don't imply I'd change his name every chance.

Because of the law, he has to keep his no contact Dad's surname so he is double barreled with his Dad's surname and our married family name.

Going to something from a few pages ago, there are still companies and websites that won't allow Ms. I cancelled a cruise a couple of years ago because the company flatly refused to permit anything other than Mrs or Miss.

I'd genuinely rather not even bother with a title. What are they even for now? (PhDs excluded.)

In all instances where I haven't been able to use 'Ms', I also haven't been allowed to not choose an honorific. I've tried to leave it blank but online, at least, all fields need to be entered!

Insurance companies also have the bizarre choice of 'Dr (male)' and 'Dr (female)'. What difference does it make to insuring my kitten?!

For unofficial stuff like online shopping I often have a bit of fun and tick random title boxes. This means I regularly receive post and parcels addressed to me as 'Lady Cakes' or Reverend Cakes'. Must have the poor postie a bit confused though!

reallyanotherone

I'm not even mrs, I have a professional title.

One of my oldest friends is a GP. She chose to change her name when she married, despite having qualified under her own name: it was her choice and I respect that. (Maybe she fancied moving considerably closer to the beginning of the alphabet).
I do, however, take delight in addressing their Christmas card to Mr and Doctor Hisname...... I like to get it right.

I remember applying for a job which attracted a lot of ex military personnel. So in the drop down menus it had a huge list of armed forces titles. I was tempted to select 'Wing Commander' and then add in brackets (just in the bedroom)

At my wedding, the minister made a big thing out of announcing I wasn't changing my name at the end of the ceremony (was a bit but, okay), and then DH and I both talked about it in our speeches. Several of my/his relatives asked me about it at the reception, and I confirmed to them that I definitely, definitely wasn't changing my name.

Two days later, on FB, from the people who had heard this three times - "Comgratulations to Mr and Mrs DHName!"

sigh.

Are you keeping your name the same so you can commit benefit fraud and pretend your still single op? Just a question.

I'm fairly sure you have to give your NI no...

chestnut what an odd, ignorant and down right offensive thing to write, especially as you seem to have no clue how the benefits system work.

I'm actually quite surprised at the number of posters who agree with me! As I said I didn't want to make it a big deal but i'd rather be proactive than reactive. I didn't really think it would have the type of reaction it has had in RL and it saddens me that I have to actually think about this and that people assume I'm changing my name.

I read the Sali Hughes article and it is spot on with my thoughts.

I had a conversation with DP's friend a long while ago about it and I had said about keeping my name. He was really shocked and said I can't do that, that's awful. When I explained my reasons why, mainly from what PPs said and that article, he was starting to come round. I then said imagine you were called Joe Bloggs your whole life then suddenly you got married and you had to change it to Joe Kid, who's Joe Kid?? Your identity up until now was Joe Bloggs. It was like a lightbulb moment for him and a really good conversation.

My children were given DPs surname because they had to have someone's! I'm not precious that they should have mine. They are still my children. We could have double barrelled but I didn't want to. MIL and my mum sort of decided that I would double barrel my name when we got married and gave me examples of others who had done this. I made all the right noises

Still musing on the FB post... Too late now for invitations. FB seems the least formal way as long as i keep it lighthearted!

I think making a statement on FB would be a good idea. Just saying that for those who need to know, following your marriage on XX date you each intend to be known as .....

Nothing wrong with that at all.

People probably will still get it wrong, but just correct as and when (although some could be pretty stubborn about it).

It's a massive pain but it's better to tell everyone somehow.
DH and I both changed our names when we got married. So now it's Mr and Mrs Hisname-Myname. We didn't tell that many people because we knew how his family would react.

Now we get cheques for DS's birthday made out to DS Hisname and it has caused lots of problems.

Even though this won't happen to your DCs it's worth finding a way of letting everyone know. They don't have to like it but they do have to accept it!

Are you keeping your name the same so you can commit benefit fraud and pretend your still single op? Just a question.

This is my favourite post of this thread. So bizarre. Personally I assume that all women changing their name are doing it so they can leave behind the many never-quite-proved accusations made against them.

I had a conversation with DP's friend a long while ago about it and I had said about keeping my name. He was really shocked and said I can't do that, that's awful. When I explained my reasons why, mainly from what PPs said and that article, he was starting to come round. I then said imagine you were called Joe Bloggs your whole life then suddenly you got married and you had to change it to Joe Kid, who's Joe Kid?? Your identity up until now was Joe Bloggs. It was like a lightbulb moment for him and a really good conversation.

I booked our honeymoon. If anything geared DH up for a lifetime of defending my choice to his family it was being called Mr Golightly for 2 weeks.

Agree that it's no big deal to keep your maiden name these days. One of my best friends did this because she loves her name and wasn't so keen on her husband's name. People often forget though and so she's used to people assuming it's Mr and Mrs X.

I don't think I would bother with Facebook, purely because you will think everyone has read your post, but...

• how many of your friends aren't on Facebook?
• how many will miss your post because they don't check fb at the right moment?
• how many will see it and completely forget anyway?
• you run the risk of some people thinking you're a bit odd/making it into a bigger deal than it should be.

If you haven't already printed them, I'd put it on your order of service. You don't need to announce it - just put Mr X and Ms Y in the relevant place.

But try not to be offended when all sorts of people get it wrong over the years. They will!

I've kept my name and it hasn't been a problem. If my husband books a restaurant table and I am joining him there after work, I might be ushered through with a "Mrs Hislastname, would you like a drink?" which I neither mind nor bother to correct as it's a one-off interaction.

I don't live in a right-on, trendy place, but people don't bat an eyelid. When we got engaged and a few people said (excitedly) - "so you'll be Mrs Hislastname in a few months!", I'd say I was keeping my name actually but yes, we couldn't wait for June xx, and that was that. Nobody fainted or brought up their lunch.

Does the title "Ms" actually exist in a legal sense? Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of people use it, and I think it came into more usage when more people were getting divorced in the 80's, so when I see "Ms", I tend to think the person is divorced? I know Mrs is short for "mistress of", ie Mrs Brown is the mistress of Mr Brown, in that she belongs to him, and that "Miss" means you belong to your Father, but not sure Ms actually stands for anything does it? Ie as a shortened version? Not saying anything wrong with any of these titles, just curious.

Announcing on FB isn't a bad idea. IME people who get it wrong are either peripheral people who assume youve changed (elderly friend of my deceased grandparents kindly sent me a cheque made out to Mrs Myname Hisname), people who get it wrong on purpose (not much you can do about that) or companies etc - and they usually call DH Mr Myname. I got a cheque recently for Mrs Hisname so I got MIL to bank it and transfer the money to me.

I would appreciate a FB announcement as I always want to know and always ask but feel a bit nosy doing so.

mumzypopz historically, back in the mists of time, the honorific was "mistress" and it was applied both to married and single women in the 16th century. It was the feminine version of "master/mister" and a term of respect.

"Miss" was a shorter version that started being applied to women of, ahem, lighter virtue, but then it adapted so that Mrs = married, Miss = unmarried.

I see "ms" as a further adaptation. I don't think that women should have their honorifics denoting them as married or single - men don't - and whose business is it anyway?

I don't know of any "legal" requirement to use any particular title. I was always taught (Scotland here) that you could use any title you liked - even lord, lady etc - as long as it was not for the purposes of obtaining money or goods by deception.

What do you mean by in a legal sense mumzypops? There isn't a proscribed and prescribed list of titles anywhere. You're just not allowed to use any to attempt to mislead. There are also certain terms that are protected, like calling yourself a dentist when you're not.