To announce on Facebook I'm not changing my name?!

[gingerbreadkid]

I am getting married in a couple of months and will be keeping my surname and title of Ms.

When this has cropped up in conversation people have been losing their minds! Couple of examples: 1. Talking with colleague and she spluttered but it's the law! After being pressured to give my reasons why she nodded and made all the right noises then whispered but what does your DP think about it?? And said in a way that he must object.

1. Man at venue for wedding breakfast said we could have light up letters in Mr & Mrs and I replied oh I won't be Mrs. And he looked at me in complete confusion. I said I'll still be Ms kid. And right away he came out with but what's the point of getting married?! He actually said that!

It has been brought up in conversation with a couple of others and they have been incredulous. I'm starting to find it a bit tedious tbh. To me it's not A. Big. Deal. But seemingly it is to others!

I'm waiting for the swathes of wedding cards to be addressed to Mr & Mrs DP's Surname. And I'm getting a little annoyed that it is just assumed I'm changing my name.

I am tempted to make a public announcement on Facebook telling everyone I'm not changing my name! Only half joking. I don't wan't to make a big deal out of it but I don't want to be suddenly addressed as someone I'm not!

I was going to try and explain to you a) why marriage is a social construct with a misogynistic history but which can now be embraced in an egalitarian way and b) why actually it's pretty valid to 'pick and choose'. Then I remembered that you don't know what the word Ms means and realised it isn't really worth the debate...

If you're so adamant not to be a Mrs why have a wedding

Wow.

Y'know... love, forming a new family, making a lifelong commitment. What the neighbours think about you both wanting to ensure the family celebrates both of your unique identities usually comes, well - comparatively low down, no?

But isn't marriage itself outdated if you think like that. You can't pick and choose

Well you see, yes you can. We all have.

Lally. Marriage is outdated. Unfortunately we live in a society that confers certain rights to married couple. Therefore it makes sense for people to cover their asses.

I assume you don't believe in gay marriage as we should keep marriage traditional?

Pretty wrong lol. My partner is the higher earner. I've spent 3/5 years on maternity. We both own our home. When completing we asked a solicitor to write an agreement of how to share our property if we decide to part ways. At some point I will get married but if I'm being honest it's mainly due to religion, family etc, and the fact I'd like to call my partner my husband. I may get slated for my reasons but I am being honest.

I don't want to be mistaken for someone who wants to be called Mrs Hisname.

There's really no need to be so rude about people who do choose to change their name.

Why the fuck can't people just accept that others choose differently?

It's a legal tradition for a woman to submit in every way to her husband.

I do hope you "traditionalist" never get headaches and don't expect to be allowed to work if he says no.

But isn't marriage itself outdated if you think like that.

It is to an extent, yes. But unfortunately, if couples don't marry, in the UK and the US (I'm American), it's the woman who usually suffers legally if the relationship breaks down. So in most cases, a woman has greater legal protections if she marries. But that doesn't mean she has to take on her husbands name as part and parcel of the whole business. In fact, it's a nice little way to make a feminist statement in the midst of the whole decidedly non-feminist marriage malarkey.

These threads are always so tedious and full of rubbish (on both sides) and a false sense of moral superiority.

I got married 2 years ago and didn't change my name - I've had most of the negative comments you have, OP. What I wish I'd done is to put a brief statement that I wasn't changing my name in the wedding invitations, so that the older relatives and confused friends who were the main commenters on the non-name change would have known about it upfront. We still get wrongly addressed cards; it's slightly annoying but a bit too late to set the record straight now, especially with family I don't see regularly.

Surely you'll still be a Mrs as you are married, regardless what name you take? I think you're being too touchy. Let's be honest the majority of people do change their names. So why be upset if people make this assumption. The choice is totally up to you, but you shouldn't be offended. If I send a letter to Mr & Mrs, congratulating them on their marriage and you were offended id tell you to suck it up, deal with it, get over. It's a very reasonable mistake/assumption to make.

And I would tell you to fuck yourself

I totally agree in gay marriage. I think I'm not putting my point across correctly.
People can choose marriage or not, or choose their surname or not, either way I don't care and none of my business. But I find it ridiculous for people to get offended if you are called Mrs husbands-name without them knowing you kept your maiden name. I'm just saying chill out.
My point about feminism, was not aimed at the original poster but others who brought it up. If they believed these views so strongly then why get married at all?

Margaret

Bunlicker you'll be telling a lot of people to fuck off in life. If that would offend you then you need a good old shag

Oh dear.

You may all have a point but it saddens me that people are marrying to purely protect their assets rather than love.

Noloveofmine, just a taste of their own medicine (bunlicker)

Married nearly twenty years. Never changed my name, never will. Can't believe that after twenty years, people are still spouting the same shite at you.

Do what you want to do. It's a wedding not a lobotomy!
Congratulations, BTW!

Pretty wrong lol. My partner is the higher earner. I've spent 3/5 years on maternity. We both own our home. When completing we asked a solicitor to write an agreement of how to share our property if we decide to part ways. At some point I will get married but if I'm being honest it's mainly due to religion, family etc, and the fact I'd like to call my partner my husband. I may get slated for my reasons but I am being honest.

You've also signed living wills in case of injury I hope so his mother won't be the one who pulls the plug? And these legal documents will hopefully work if you ever go abroad and in case of wanting to live outside of the country?

How does your religious conviction work that it allows you to get married as and when you fancy it?

Oh dear is correct nolove.

The op is offended because people who do know have a problem and because she'd like to not spend days asking people to change cheques.

I'm sorry the one post explaining all that was too hard for you.

Getting married confers as whole bunch of legal rights and protections, as has been said. It's the easiest, cheapest and most straightforward way (and in some cases the only way) to ensure those protections. If none of that is important or relevant but you need to share the same name to feel like a 'proper' family unit, why not just change it by deed poll and save a load of hassle and expense? You don't need to get married to change your name, after all, but you do need to get married to change your legal status. Not everyone wants or needs the same thing in order to feel safe, fulfilled, unified or whatever.

Bunlicker...pretty sure it's not a legal traditional for a wife to submit to her husband in every way. Definately don't think you have to legally, and who is it traditional to? People born in 1920 perhaps? Think we can ignore that now can't we?

You may all have a point but it saddens me that people are marrying to purely protect their assets rather than love.

And it saddens me that you are clearly desperate to be married and not.

It was legal to rape your wife in your lifetime.

SoupDragon
I agree that these threads are always tedious and repetitive. But I don't see rubbish from both sides, usually just one.

And when do we start ignoring traditions? Don't shout tradition repeatedly if you don't want to follow them