To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

I had a planned c section with my last baby, and was feeling very under par on the 2nd day. I still had my catheter in due to heavy bleeding, I had had to come off the morphine as it had made me so sick, I hadn't eaten much, had a splitting headache and was trying to feed the baby sitting up in bed. Step MIL turns up even though I'd asked DH to ring everyone and say not to come in........we weren't that close, we'd not seen her for well over 6 months and although a very kind lady, she'd not had her own children and didn't really appreciate how poorly I was. I could feel that my pad had leaked underneath me, i had my boobs out from feeding and couldn't actually put the baby into her cot as I was so stuck and she was chattering on about their neighbours............ In the end I just burst into tears and asked her to get a MW, she saw the blood and legged it!! She rang DH later that day, to say she was worried about how i was going to cope with 3 small children and I seemed very overwhelmed...........

It's your baby, your body and your recovery therefore you see who the hell you like!! You may feel great and want the world there; if you don't you may not even want your own mum. Nothing can be planned around childbirth.

Personally I wish they would only allow partners/birthing partners to visit mat wards, nobody else. All my family and in laws live miles away so it took them a few days to travel down anyway, but it is horrible when you are behind a flimsy curtain, bleeding through a giant san pad with your tits out trying to breastfeed and get used to this human you have just made and there are visitors everywhere knocking into the curtain or kids peering through the gaps. Why can't people wait 24-48 hours so you can get home have a proper shower and a cup of tea? Not everyone feels vunerable after birth but I'm sure most do, it's a harrowing experience for the majority of women.

When ds2 was born, my dm was undergoing chemotherapy. She and I were obviously devastated that she couldn't visit straight away and look after us as she did with ds1.
Mil stepped up to the plate and cared for ds1 whilst I was in labour and stayed for 2 weeks after to help out. Of course it would have been nice to have my own dm with me, but we're not all lucky enough to have that option.
Mil also cared for our dc when we attended dm's funeral a few months later for which I'm eternally grateful.

OP, just have the three of you in hospital. Your MIL can wait a couple of days.

The baby won't give a shiny shite whether it meets its grandmother on day one or day three. The baby just needs you, and needs you to be feeling as well as possible. That is all that matters to the baby.

It won't help the baby to have MIL there, and it won't help you (from what you say). It might make MIL feel important, but that is really not a primary concern. She will love the baby just as much if she meets it at home, when you're feeling less poorly.

Your birth, your choice, end of, glad your DH is supportive

YANBU, after having my first DC MIL & FIL sat at the end of the bed while I was trying to get to grips with breastfeeding... I still cringe about it 4 years on.

Can you say you'll invite them when ready rather than saying definitely not straight away? Whether that be to the hospital or at home, you may actually find the hospital easier because they'll get chucked out after a relatively short amount of time 😁

I think posters need to remember this is ops first baby and using phrases like most labours are harrowing, all the pain and blood and vulnerability are probably not the most helpful.
Op I would seriously think about whether to allow mil to the hospital as a few others have said it is often easier. Visiting times are set and as you know when they are you can be tucked up in your pj's in bed. Visitors can't stay too long and it may be nice to give dh a break or a chance to nip home while you aren't on your own. I assume you will be on a ward with plenty of the other women having visitors (it's only mumsnetter who seem to ban everyone going near the baby).
At home people stay longer, you worry about the house, making tea etc. I much prefer hospital visitors then you can say 'now everyone has seen the baby in hospital please give us space to settle in at home on our own.'

I loved my MIL and felt totally relaxed with her so that in itself would not have been a problem. But I have to admit there is something about a catheter that doesn't make one feel quite at one's most presentable.

Hmm This isn't my first baby

I don't really see the need for any visitors in the maternity ward, beyond the mother's partner. I think it would do new parents a huge favour if visiting was banned, as it would take the decision out of their hands. One of the main reasons I had a home birth was the endless yammering of other patients' bloody visitors.

I also don't understand why women are expected to include their mothers-in-law in their birth and immediate post-natal experience (unless they want to). I don't mind my MIL and we get on fine, but I'm not related to her, DH is. I'm happier to share medical things with my own mother.

Obviously our children are related to her, and she wanted to see them as soon as possible after they were born. I was happy with this (nip competitive grand-parenting in the bud before it starts), but I told DH to deal with it. He "entertained" them and showed off his baby. I laid in bed and snoozed.

I would advise just being more open to visitors, I didn't think about it either way but had an extended stay which was awful and I loved having our family (both sides) come in to see me, I was having an awful time with recovering from a c section with both of us having an infection and extreme difficulty getting BFing established (bloody awful BFing consultants) as DD has a severe tongue tie. I restricted only to family but they really lifted my spirits, it can feel pretty soul destroying being stuck on the maternity ward.

Yet another "am I being unreasonable?" Well yes you are a bit!! "No im not blah blah"!!
Yes you might feel vulnerable, or you might not. You don't know.
You do realise woman give birth every minute of the day, every day of the year?!! You're not the only one, ever!!

Sorry paying

I don't think 'harrowing' and descriptions of lots of pain helps anyone who is pregnant though!

I understand and respect your right to say you don't want visitors at hospital but this "vulnerable" thing is a bit silly. Vulnerable to what exactly? You're having a baby. You're making yourself sound like a victim who is going to be attacked by your MIL. It's perfectly fine to say you don't want her, or anybody else there, but just say that. I do, however, think it's not OK to say to say you can have your own mother visit but not your DH's. I know this is not an issue on this occasion but it might be in the future if you have more children. Unless there is a massive backstory, don't alienate your MIL, she may well turn out to be somebody you really do need.

However, good luck with the birth and I hope it all goes smoothly OP!

I plan on telling dil that of course I would love to see her and baby as soon as possible, but she may want to see her mum first and recover a bit before I go. sometimes you just need your mum. give her the option. as it is her who is the patient.

My Sil did this to my mum and know how really upset / hurt she was

SIL Mum /dad / sister / brother were allowed to visit at the hospital but brother told my mum no one was visiting took him 4 hrs after birth to even say his daughter was born This should have been a happy occasion which was also my mums first grandchild

this "vulnerable" thing is a bit silly. Vulnerable to what exactly? You're having a baby. You're making yourself sound like a victim who

Vulnerable to mixed emotions. Vulnerable to the overwhelming joy and nerves I will feel, as this baby, unlike babies and the twins just before him, is (hopefully obviously), alive and well.

I want to share this precious time with few people as possible to start off with. I will be incredibly overcome with emotion

wombling op's mil isn't asking to be part of the birth or the immediate after. I read it that she wants to be able to visit in hospital.
Most people I know had their parents, siblings and in laws visit in hospital then wider family and friends later at home

YANBU
honestly, when I go in to Labour with our first (due november) I don't even want anyone else (apart from DH) to even know I'm in labour! I'm planning on announcing his arrival after the event as soon as we are good and ready!

Good luck paying.
I'm sure you will be bursting with pride at your baby so who knows you may want mil there and then close the home door for a while. Maybe just wait and see?
Im sure your mil will understand but of course still be excited to meet her new grandchild too

I know it's not logical but because my DM has seen me lose so much (re pregnancy/child wise), I feel as if it's a huge kick in the teeth that she won't be seeing baby before MIL but I will have to live and let live I suppose

MIL prefers not to mention previous losses etc

YANBU
You are the patient, so you decide if people visit or not.
What difference does it make to then IL if they see the new baby when he is 1 day / 2 days / a week old?

Awh, Paying.

That makes it even more understandable.

If ever there was a time to put yourself first it's now.

Sometimes you just want your mum.

That's not something MIL's should ever get upset about.

YANBU OP. I've got two DIL and when my gc were born I was very happy to wait my turn to see the babies. I didnt want to see my DIL in a vulnerable position and feeling uncomfortable in my presence. When I had my DC, I wanted my DM and not my MIL , so why would I treat my DIL any differently?