To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

What I mean is, how you feel psychologically going into labour counts for a hell of a lot.

OP may have a 36hr labour. But could just as easily have a 3 hour one with no intervention.
Why automatically presume you are going to be a broken, vulnerable wreck of a person? Not all women are, that's all.

Oh weebo, that made me laugh!
Now back to the post. It's all really a bit irrelevant as your mum can't actually be there so, on this occasion, no one is going to see your little one until you are back home.
However, you have said that this is your mil's 5th grandchild as though that means she has done it all before so she should be ok waiting. Can assure you this darling baby will fill her heart with as much joy as the first one did

I have just recently given birth and had a bad day in hospital - Anxiety, hormones and overcome with emotion. I just didn't feel like visitors. DH called IL and some friends and let them know not to come as I wasn't feeling up to it. You won't know entirely until you are at that moment in time. With my first DS I was happy for the visitors as I wanted to 'Show off' my DS but this time round it was different. Just let them know you would like them to visit but to play it by ear on how you are feeling at the time.

I was very conscious when I had my three dc not to make the mother of the father of my babies feel any less welcome than my own mother.

I can't bear the princess behaviour that some grown women display when they have a baby or the power games that they enjoy. Weird.

If the OPs DH was in such a vulnerable position in hospital then I'm sure nobody would expect him to allow his mother in law in potentially breaching his rights to privacy would they 🙄

When is your mum going to act like she's entitled to see your husband in hospital when upset and vulnerable?

pretty sure that you are missing a grandchild out of the equation here.

I'm with you op.

I didn't want any visitors either.
Had to relent on my parents as they'd been over doing some last minute jobs for us while I was in labour (which I was very grateful for and it would've been poor form to send them back home 100+ miles without meeting DGC).

But everyone else didn't meet him for a while

I found hospital visitors the easiest. Had a pretty normalish labour ( induction and forceps) but I didn't have to make tea , it was acceptable to be in pjs and they were hunted out by nurses at the end of visiting time. Mil came cooed over dd for 20 mins and left. Job done.

Op's vagina, Op's choice

*I would 100% be comfortable with her, for example, seeing me and my fanjo.

MIL no bloody way in a million years!*

You do realise any visitors post birth won't need to see your fanjo?

You are the patient and it's your choice who visits, but I think you are being a bit precious.

A lot of women seem to think they will be all vulnerable and desperate to be alone with no visitors. Obviously women who have suffered abuse or have personal issues etc aside, it's really not some huge deal that makes you feel vulnerable.

In reality, for most, it is a very special time with your partner and baby, but also a lovely time for showing off your new baby to those family and friends closest to you, and I never understand why PILs seem to get the shit end of the stick.

As long as you have a decent enough relationship and nothing major or serious has ever happened to cause bad feeling or whatever, they are just as equal as the mother's parents and just as much a grandparent too. There must be a lot of sad men who have to push their parents aside when they have just become a father.

When my baby was born I was open to all immediate family (parents and siblings) visiting as long as they sorted it between themselves to stagger times so it wasn't crowded and everyone got a hold.

I didn't have to make tea and was snuggled up in my pyjamas the entire time I had visitors at home. :o

Visitors can wait. If any of them are put out by this, they are the selfish ones.

Its, hard work labour at the best of times. And the postnatal wards I've been on were no holiday camp either. Look after yourself OP and your baby.

I think you're definitely 100% NOT BU! I was in hospital for three days after EMCS. MIL and FIL turned up the day after the birth, I was struggling to breastfeed, and couldn't have felt more crowded out by them being there. The cubicle was tiny and the pair of them plus DH was way too much. I spent the whole hour they were there wishing they'd leave.

Yes they're DH's parents, and the baby is DH's. But - it was me in bed, in pain, with cracked nipples, (a catheter in 😫) and hurting all over and I really didn't want them there! I felt so exposed.

I would just put your foot down. There's plenty of time for them to meet your baby.

I was exactly the same OP and kept all away for two weeks! My mum and my partner were with me for the birth because I needed them. Yes, it's your DH's baby too, but he didn't have to give birth to it, the equivalent of (or actually with a CS), a major operation! Seeing a baby that soon isn't for the mother or baby's benefit and that should be the priority. PCness be damned.

OP you should henceforth refer to yourself as "the vessel" in order to drum in the idea that this is not about you. It's about the birth of your DH's progeny, his mothers grandchild, the continuation of the paternal line.

Don't worry about your fanjo being seen. It's not really yours. It's simply a conduit through which the blessed grandchild exits the vessel. The blood is not to be hidden away as it's a symbol of the success of your glorious task of bringing forth the grandchild. Pain? Hide it! Don't be rude or unwelcoming, you can be sore after the grandchild has been admired for goodness sakes. Don't forget to hide any catheters or breasts, you don't want to make your visitors feel awkward or uncomfortable.

FYI my MIL has seen my fanjo and was with me through labour with DS2. I feel utterly at home with her though and I wouldn't have felt comfortable with my DM there. Which was my right because it's my fanny

You do realise any visitors post birth won't need to see your fanjo? 

^As explained up thread, yes, I know. It's been taken out of context

Your body, your choice. I banned all visitors except DH and my mum& sister after my 2nd for 24 hours and got bitched at for it but dh respected my choice, and understood why this was (reasons I'm not going into but safe to say child and I were vulnerable and would have had to 'host' the in laws at a time my energies were best spent elsewhere)
If my ds ever has kids and his dp/dw puts the same sanctions on me I will respect them and remember how relieved I felt that I could be myself and relax with people who accept me exactly as I am whether that's dolled up or bleeding, crying and generally leaking
Best of luck with your delivery OP. Sorry for your losses.

So if a man was in hospital, not feeling himself, feeling vulnerable, would it be valid for him to say he was happy with his own mother visiting but not his wife's mother because he didn't feel comfortable? I'd say yes, that would be totally valid. So the OPs wishes are also totally valid.

i totally understand you op. you CANNOT compare having your mother to your mil! i personally dont see why it seems unfair. if you dont want to see anyone, you have that right. dont let anyone tell you otherwise!
i live far from mum and mil. i will also be in hosp for a good few days after birth but have already explained to dh that i dont want his sisters there. i am not close with them and will be in hosp to recuperate, not to be like an artefact in a museum. besides, i will want my mum to see baby first and she will only be able to come after i get back home. i also dont want people visiting at home straight away. i never understood why people expect brand new mothers to start getting out of bed and serve them and make small chit chat. let the woman rest and bond with baby!
i am incredibly close with my bros, but would never dream that my sil should have to share this incredibly intimate time with me, even if her sisters do. when she is ready to see me, she will let me know.
pp, "Imagine your ds has a wife in 30 years time..." any mil who respects her dil and her space will make a point to understand. and imo, any normal person can see why a mothers relationship with her daughter is not nearly the same as with a mil.

Wrappers
Don't forget - if you bring forth a boy after lots of girls because we all know that only boy children matter 🙄 you'll be the revered vessel and urged to have more children no matter what effect it has on your physical/mental health

I think yabu. You would let your mum. If you don't want to see your in laws you could still let them see the baby.

I had a traumatic time having my first daughter so I was scared about having visitors coming to the hospital too. I was just up front from the beginning.. I didn't say yes or no, just Ill take it a day at a time and see. I felt a millions times better so was happy for both sets of parents and my sister to come to the actual hospital. When I got home I hid away for about a week and didn't have visitors as I wanted to find my feet with the new addition.. Just take things a day at a time and see how you feel. Best of luck

Your body, your pregnancy, your birth, your choice in my eyes. Plus I always think a daughters mum is there for daughter and baby. PILs are there for the baby primarily, not thinking about new mums feelings.

I remember tucking my fanjo away under some clean jammies and a dressing gown and thoroughly enjoying showing off my babies to my family and friends in hospital. I didn't have to apologise for the house being messy or make anyone a cup of tea. My DM insisted on staying with us for a week and I couldn't wait to get rid of her, my MIL would have been much more practical and useful.

I think this is perfectly reasonable and would as a MIL be keen to respect a DIL who felt like this. Why wouldn't you?