To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

Logical I agree.

Apart from the fact that the OP is the vulnerable person here, surely the MIL won't even have to suffer from the thought that the OP would have her own mother there but not her- it won't be written on a placard hung over the baby's cot the first time she comes to visit. Or will it, OP? Won't your dh just say "dw doesn't feel up to any visitors but we are both very much looking forward to you meeting your new grandchild when they're safely home"?

I said no visitors. Plenty of time for that when I got home. With DC2 I wasn't in the hospital long enough to reach visiting time anyway.

So pleased your DH agrees.

LogicalPsycho every woman who gives birth is vulnerable for a period afterwards. Some more than others due to mental health, physcial health, birth experience.

Stitch, give over will ya.

This is her grandchild not appendix.

And I'm the mother of a son. If he ever has a baby I hope I'm not such a self absorbed dick as to 'weep' or whatever manipulative nonsense people spout about the fact that my DIL might like a bit of privacy or support from her own Mum.

Yes and her grandchild isn't going to turn into a pumpkin in the time she has to wait to see him.

Why can't she visit the next day forhalf an hour?

I can quite see that she can't be there when you're giving birth, but the next day, when you've had a chance to wash and maybe even rest a bit, fed and watered? She won't see your fanjo then, would she?

MIL has not have you given her the chance to support you.

Obviously it's your choice and it's very personal to you, but try to include her in some way.

So what? She is still the patient and entitled to privacy. Or do pregnant women have to give up that right?

Can someone work up a meme that explains your mum has wiped your arse in the past and that his mum has not. And It and you might feel slightly uncomfortable with your boobs on show and a bleeding fanjo in front of her. And that's ok to feel like that.

Ain't all about the miracle child.

I only have sons. If they ever have children I am quite happy to wait for an invitation to go round and see the baby. Would totally understand if the DW/DP wants their mother there and not me too.

I have never understood the dash people feel the need to make to the hospital as soon as the baby arrives with no thought for the Mother's wishes.

The fact you have had a baby does not nullify your right to privacy or waive your vulnerability. You are not just a baby carrier whose trauma of childbirth can be swept under the carpet because people want to meet a new addition.

Your vagina, your body, your pain, your rules.

I don't expect your husband would be particularly thrilled to have the whole family trawl through if someone had pushed a watermelon through a hole in his body the size of his nostril.

The baby will be there in a couple of days, their feelings can wait. You two are who are the most important.

stella Yes, I have indeed. Not in such a big way like this but previous actions make me not want to

Anything myself and DH do is usually frowned upon.

Ditto, Sparkling.

I'm just thankful MIL was totally laid back about the whole thing and was more concerned about me.

All this 'devastated weeping' is just manipulative bull shite.

*stella Yes, I have indeed. Not in such a big way like this but previous actions make me not want to

Anything myself and DH do is usually frowned upon.*

You really have nothing to question yourself about. My mil was passing on her way home from an event and asked if she could pop in the hospital. I said no, I shouldn't have, I should have communicated what i wanted to happen and how I wanted it to happen, but went for a straight no which I now regret.

It's your body, and your choice. I had a CS, the time in hospital was very tough for various reasons, and I didn't see anyone at all apart from DH for 3 weeks, other than an endless array of midwives, HVs, GP, and lactation consultants -- and have no regrets. People are quite free to find this 'precious', but when they've just had a lengthy labour, a CS, a lot of blood loss, and are struggling with inverted nipples and no milk supply while still a catheterised, bloodied wreck who can't pick up her own baby, in an understaffed, overstretched post-natal ward, they can make that call. Excuse me for not feeling sociable.

OP isnt a vessel for grandchildren. I had my DH and mum at the hospital no one else and i think thats pretty standard for most women.

Your in a vunerable state after birth i didnt want my inlaws there and my DH totally supported my reasoning.

Once the baby is born, there will be no fanjos to be seen.

If you will be in hospital for a few days, then it does seem a bit selfish for you to refuse to see visitors, at all.

To be honest, if you are in hospital, it may well be easier than at home. No one will expect you to "host" at hospital, and you can get the midwives to back you up if you want your guests to leave.

It may actually be better to accept visitors at hospital, once you are ready, of course.

Oh, YA absolutely NBU.

If/when my DC have kids I'll visit when invited and not before. The priority is mum, dad and baby recovering and settling into their new roles in whatever way they want. With DC1 we had a whole week alone before visitors came (circumstance not choice) and it was bliss.

Try to be vague about the due date. It will buy you time at the birth.

ignore all the nonsense about having sons and being a grandma that dies from not being allowed to visit a woman in hospital. It's ridiculous

You are the patient. When is your mum going to act like she's entitled to see your husband in hospital when upset and vulnerable? No-one would expect that or defend that because men have rights. Women only have rights when not pregnant or giving birth according to some.

Being a mother of sons doesn't make you special, it doesn't give you special privileges. It doesn't make you better than other women. It doesn't give you rights over your son's wife.

men can't give birth, it's life, and if your son is old enough to be having children you should have grasped that by now.

It sounds like you have extra problems so I hope you don't take these wannabe matriarch women seriously. Remember you are the patient. I am glad your husband is supporting you

I think some are taking the fanjo thing too literally

Of course MIL wouldn't see my fanjo if she came to see us in hospital.

I gave my own DM seeing my fanjo in any given situation as an example as I would always be comfortable with that extremity of vulnerability

"If you will be in hospital for a few days, then it does seem a bit selfish for you to refuse to see visitors, at all."

hospitals aren't for socialising, they are for treating patients and for patients to heal. How selfish to think they are just ugly tearooms, and that the patients should be holding court and not concentrating on their health!