To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

And your mother if she could be there. I genuinely don't get the need for women to be so awkward around in laws.

Because as I've said, I'm not comfortable in front of her and she isn't the lovely, open type like my own Mum

Yabu if you would let your DM in and not Mil.

Sorry, just read your last post OP. Now I understand your reasons a little more. I can imagine your emotions are all over the place.

Are you sure you aren't just thinking you don't want MIL to see your baby before your own DM?

It's your body and it's your choice. You are the one who will be recovering from childbirth, not your DH.

Your MIL can wait, she's had her children. The baby will still " spread joy" when it's a few days old. It's not as if babies are only cute for the first 48 hours .

It's your choice. You are going through the birth. Maybe pre arrange a day with MIL to come over and order a takeaway for lunch or something. Make it a nice afternoon.

While you are in hospital and still vulnerable and in pain it's understandable you don't want visitors.

My mum came and stayed the night I brought DS2 home.

I was discharged at 10 pm the same day I gave birth. I was tired, weak and right or wrong wanted my mum. She was a life saver.

MIL was there first thing the next morning but by people's definition of 'fair' I should have rang her and FIL to come up at 10:30 at night no matter how exhausted I was.

Again as the mother of 2 sons I can totally understand why a woman who has just given birth would want to be with her own mother above me.

DM has been with me through all the highs and lows of every pregnancy.

MIL has not. My DM has an extremely close relationship with me. If I feel comfortable with her there then she should be able to be there without jealousy coming into play

There are a lot of things I excluded my MIL from because I was worried about my own feelings and then she died suddenly and I wonder why I did that? Because I have so many lovely memories of her and the kids.

I don't know what your relationship is like of course so this may never happen to you. But sometimes it's worth exploring out reasons a little bit.

I think your being a tad selfish.

What if dh said well I'm comfortable around my mother not yours.....

Mil doesn't have to see you but it would be awful for her to be left out unless she's an absolute cunt.

I feel sorry for her.

I very much understand why you don't want to be bleeding and uncomfortable and not have slept for hours and hours and be in an unfamiliar place, feeling very vulnerable with people you aren't comfortable with.

YOUR comfort, YOUR wishes and YOUR choice.

I don't give a fuck what my DS's future wife does when she has a baby - her body, her choice and I'd respect that. My desire to see DS's baby, doesn't trump her desire for privacy.

think your being a tad selfish.

What if dh said well I'm comfortable around my mother not yours.....

Is DH pushing a human out of his bits or sore after an emergency section? I think not

I will be vulnerable

What if dh said well I'm comfortable around my mother not yours..... his opinion matters more than the mothers when he gives birth. Mother is the patient. Patients wishes rule.

So what if DH were comfortable around his mum and not hers? He's not the one giving birth ffs!!

Fucksake you are having a baby.... it happens every day. And why on earth is viewing your fanjo (!) obligatory???

I don't get why everyone expects the OP to have the same relationship with her MIL as her DM, they are different people with different relationships with her. It could easily be that she wanted her MIL and not her DM, but it's not. The OP is clearly much closer to her DM than her MIL and no one has to have anyone at the hospital when they are giving birth. My DW chose who she wanted to be there, why shouldn't she? It's a few days to wait, what's with the guilt trip?

OP, as PPs say, do what you want, but if your DH is upset about it, let him be, bit don't let that upset override your choice (which you can change anytime). Could you compromise and video chat from the hospital?

🤣🤣🤣

Silver I didn't say it was but I tried giving an example of how comfortable around my DM. Her seeing my fanjo for example wouldn't bother me one bit.

If he ever falls balls first on a large spike he can choose whoever he wants to visit him in the hospital.

Heaven forbid, though.

Mil could be in the waiting room couldn't she as a compromise?

I understand you're the patient etc but you sound like your mind is made up and your mil can get fucked.

Maybe try and find some middle ground.

I will be vulnerable

You certainly will if you keep casting yourself as a victim, rather than a regular, everyday pregnant woman.

Just spoken to DH about this and apparently the raised eyebrow he gave earlier to me saying I didn't want visitors at the hospital was from him reading a new Chelsea signing article

He said he supports what I wants and said it's fine if everyone visits when I'm comfortable to at home etc

I'm glad to hear that, Paying. :o

YANBU. You are the patient, your wishes come first. Of course you would feel more comfortable with your own Mum than your MIL. If your husband was in hospital for surgery or any kind of procedure nobody would be telling him that he is unfair to want his Mum there unless he welcomes your Mum too. It shouldn't be any different just because the thing you are in hospital for happens to be childbirth.