To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

Urb I certainly would be asking for hostility times 10 if I gave it a week before allowing MIL and SIL to see baby

this "vulnerable" thing is a bit silly. Vulnerable to what exactly? You're having a baby. You're making yourself sound like a victim
Vulnerable as in possibly not being able to stand, wearing a revealing hospital gown, having boobs on show, having a catheter, etc.
Some women might have an easy experience but a lot don't. Who are you to judge that they are not vulnerable? Would you say that from someone who just had surgery?

FWIW I was happy for my IL to visit us in the hospital the day after a c-section, whereas my DP couldn't be there (other country), however it was entirely my choice and rightly so.

So why don't you just say that OP? You just want to spend time with you, DH and the new baby? I just think you are making excuses because you're not keen on your MIL. You have actually said that she is not to see the baby before your own mother..and I think that's unfair actually, particularly if she is on the doorstep as it were. Your DH's mum is important to him too I would imagine? To be honest, after my last birth, I wouldn't have cared who came in first, as it happens, my mum is dead, my (now ex) MIL lives 200 miles away but my God was I pleased to see her. Also your MIL may find it difficult to address previous tragic losses, she may not know how to approach it. You're not vulnerable, you are excited and nervous about the birth of your baby, but don't make the mistake of shutting everybody else out.

Urubu, thank you for that, I have had two children, and several losses. I have never had my boobs "on show", had a catheter with baby No 1, nobody saw it , why would they? Didn't have to get up. Actually first birth was fucking horrific, which is why there is a 13 year gap between my children. I think vulnerable is the wrong word. I am not judging, thank you.

Ya so nbu.

Honestly.

TheForm No, she just doesn't mention them out of choice I believe.

Her reaction to DH announcing this pregnancy to her was "Well you're a fucking idiot" and nothing much else

That is quite cruel and selfish to cut relatives out in this way. IMHO.

It's not really up to you to tell the OP whether she should feel/will feel vulnerable or not, MrsC. Especially given what she has been through.

At a time like this grown adults shouldn't be thinking in childish terms such as 'fair and unfair'. They need to be thinking about what is best for the OP and her baby.

Her mum has been through the heartbreak so it's only natural that she wants her there for the happiness.

Weebo My mum really has

I started having contractions and slight bleeding in this pregnancy at about 20 weeks. I was visiting my mum at the time so went to her local hospital. Luckily it was just a severe UTI and IV medication put it all on hold. It stopped.

As I wept on that table, she held my face in her arms and said "We aren't losing him my lovely, he is staying, we will get through this and you'll have your gorgeous boy. I know it"

Perhaps it is selfish.
But in an entirely appropriate and positive way. Where you prioritise your needs following your delivery and prepare yourself for the coming months.

And you want her to be the first to see that he did stay.

She sounds like a star, Paying.

Bless you Weebo

She's a star when I need her but

My Mum certainly has her faults annoying candy crush addict that no one can communicate with if she's a phone in hand

Kate, other women have been known to give birth too.

Oi, us candy crush addicts are wonderful.

We don't annoy people with silly things like conversation. :o

OP may have specific issues, but without any of that, I can see no problem. I have 4 children. I think people big up child birth a lot. You have a baby, all goes well, you go home.

Disclaimer - I also had a baby who died at 24 hours (expected - she was a twin who had a lethal heart defect, so am not a novice.

Personally, I think you get on with it. If people interfere - eg mil putting too many clothes on dc in my case - tell her you are doing it your way.

Parenting is a lot more overthought than it used to be, but children are just the same.

Ive only daughters no sons. So hopefully the dreaded MN banning thing won't affect me...

FFS Weebo, I have not told the OP how she should or shouldn't feel! Not at all! What I take an issue with is that the OP doesn't want her MIL to see her baby before her mother. She has admitted that. I don't think that's OK for OP's husband. Perhaps AIBU is not the place to post something like this. I am hugely sympathetic and indeed empathetic to her previous horrendous and tragic experiences and I wish her nothing but happiness with her newborn baby.

OP for your losses.

Do whatever makes you feel most comfortable.

Aaahhh I don't think this question qualifies for AIBU as you will never get two women with the same opinion on it.

It's such a personal thing and everybody has a preference, there is no right and wrong answer. It's what you want. I wanted my DM and DP with me whilst giving birth but my best friend couldn't think of anything worse than having her mother there and thought I was nuts. Each to their own.

I didn't really want any visitors in hospital but my MIL turned up just as I was being stitched up and asked my DM outside the door how we both were etc and was happy to just go home knowing we was well but when I found out she was there, I was in such a state of elation at having my baby arrive safely and the gas and air, I asked her to come in. Whilst having stitches and my Fanjo on full display. She couldn't have been happier at sharing the moment and looking back now I don't regret it for a moment.

Cross the bridge when you come to it OP, you don't know how you will feel when the time comes.

paying:re your post at 22.35. Dripfeed?

donajimena...exactly that.

I don't get the problem. My MIL is lovely, but I wouldn't have wanted her at the hospital. My mum was there loads though - I was in for two weeks for various reasons.

And yes, I felt vulnerable. I was induced, found it invasive, distressing and painful, and felt a stunned emptiness after I'd given birth rather than anything else - probably due to baby being taken off to SCBU while I went off to theatre. I didn't want to see anyone except DH and my parents.

I'm with you OP. I'd like my mum to be with me. I can imagine thinking of my mum is my mil is around and this would make me sad. It's your choice. You could feel utterly tired and not in shape to perform for visitors...many reasons to not have visitors.

She's not "cutting them out"! She just wants them to wait until she has recovered from the immediate post-partum before they meet a baby who is going to be around for the next 80+ years, all being well.
As it happens, I didn't want my MIL or my mother in the room as I mooed like a cow, occasionally swore, wept at transition declaring I couldn't do it, and pushed, and pushed those babies out. However this both or neither, sharesy thing some are touting is ridiculous. Of course many women want the support of their mothers when vulnerable and naked when they wouldn't want a (perfectly lovely) MIL, aunt or anyone else. Their mother is there to support them during an uncertain, strenuous and dangerous trial, not to be first to see the baby.
Pasta - how would you feel to get a call from your son's work telling you he had been knocked down in the car park, and was on his way to A&E in an ambulance but had asked them to ring you, only to arrive at A&E and find your DIL had requested staff bar you access until her mother was there to support her?
The patient's needs come first.
I couldn't breastfeed in the early days in front of anyone but my husband, I didn't think I'd be like that, I thought I'd be nonchalant because that's how I think people
should feel - because it's natural etc. However it hurt like a bastard and I felt flustered with any audiance.
Luckily both my parents and in-laws were paragons of moderation and made quite short, and consequently enjoyable visits to the hospital the day after the birth after a call to check that was okay.